Tag Archives: single life

The worm has turned…

Tonight’s blogspot is brought to you by the letters FK and U!

So, funsters I am back after my short hiatus.  Oh, dear! Obviously it has hit the skids.  So soon? I must hold some sort of record though to be honest most men get to between weeks 4 and 6 then hit the speed wobbles.  I met the faker just after my birthday and even mentioned him in my last post.  We seemed to be on the same page and seemed to have fun. However, there was one big issue that loomed above our happiness.  Is it a mad ex wife? Is he a fugitive from justice?  Was this an episode of the Crying Game and he was really a woman? None of the above. The difficulty was he had some what should be temporary health problems which meant that our friendship could not progress shall we say.  I did not mind this.  In fact it was refreshing (and occasionally frustrating) to be with a man that did not want to get into my knickers at the earliest possible opportunity and so, I let my guard down.

I started to like him. I missed his company when he wasn’t around. I enjoyed just hanging out and talking to him and doing stuff like movies and drinks and just watching dvds.  This was like being in a normal relationship.  However, as I know in my life all good things get trampled and come to an end and I end up on my own scratching my head wondering what the fuck happened?  It pretty much started after we went out last weekend. He got a text whilst we were out and then hid it from me. I saw it was someone wanting to meet.  He came back to mine but left to Skype his family which I thought was odd. He said he would come back but then didn’t which was very strange as his power had been cut off at his apartment so you would think he would rather sleep next to me and have a hot shower and coffee in the morning.

The next day I sent a couple of texts and called and he didn’t respond. I got a bit of a response on tuesday, nothing wednesday and then a call on thursday which seemed like everything was ok.  We were supposed to see each other on friday but due to the cyclone his plane was delayed and was going to be really late. He said he would let me know when he came in and then we could do breakfast on saturday as I was working.  I didn’t get a text or a call or anything and went to work on saturday afternoon.  He then posts on fb that he only woke up at 230pm and obviously his plans were cancelled for the day. I liked that on fb and did I get an apology or anything?  NO!  I tried to get hold of him – nothing he was not answering his calls.  Seemed very strange to me as he is glued to his phone normally.

On sunday I went to brunch with a friend and had my shift cancelled. I texted him and rang and got no reply.  I then did some digging and found that all along whilst with me he had been on at least two dating sites!  I even sent him a kiss on one of them so he knows I know. So, all the times I can’t get hold of him I assume he was probably with someone else!  I realise that we are not in love but I liked him and began to place trust in him. He is probably the first person I have placed trust with for a very long time.  He was not the usual type of guy that I have dated because my therapist said I should try different types as obviously the type I go for isn’t working. My deduction now is that if my usual type is crap and other types are crap then they all must be crap and I should not expend my emotions on them

I tried contacting him and eventually sent a text asking him if he wanted me to collect my stuff?  I received no reply to anything!  I went to work today and when I got home I found a text from him dumping me!  He couldn’t even do the right thing and talk to me in an honest way.  I am sick to death of cowards dumping me by text!  I have no idea what I did this time around because we have not talked. 

This is another opportunity to learn.  If you burn your hand in the fire, you don’t place your hand there again. I keep getting burned by men because I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.  I have to stop thinking this way.  I have now got to realise that no one wants to be with me and as such I will not get burned because I know from the outset that nothing is forever. Now I have managed to get my head around that I am starting to kill off all hope of ever meeting someone.  This in itself is freeing because I know that all guys want are friends with benefits. So, if I sleep with anyone its because I want sex, not love.  Love exists amongst family and true friends it does not exist in the dating world.  Coming to this conclusion will help me cut across the bullshit that gets sent my way.  The bare facts are all men are looking for an unpaid whore and housekeeper and I don’t want to be either.  As I said to one once ‘fucking and cooking are two Chinese cities I won’t necessarily visit with you!’

I think this worm has finally turned. I think I am going to start dishing out the same behaviour that I receive from men.  Maybe I will answer my messages, maybe I won’t?  Maybe I will date you but shag someone else? Maybe it’s time to not give a fuck to get a fuck? I swear that this time is the last time I will care about anyone else. I am going to be selfish now and do what I want. Whatever makes me feel great and fuck anyone else’s feelings. I am SO ANGRY at being dumped AGAIN by text! This is the last time that is ever happening because I am going to be the one to do it in future. I will cut someone off in an instant if I get one hint of fuckwittery
So, maybe this will be another turning point in the long and winding road that is my life.
Until next time dear readers, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

Gut feelings and offers I can refuse!

Morning groovers,

I have been inordinately busy in the last week or so. What with doing eight shifts in seven days and squeezing in the gym and dating I haven’t had time to scratch myself much less complete any writing!.  So, the ‘friendzone’.  Last installment I said I was dating Huggy Bear as he asked to see me on an exclusive basis.  Sadly, we commenced date one with a picnic and ended at the same spot at date six with a picnic.  Basically, after asking for exclusive rights, he decided when he got them he really didn’t want them after all. He said he had a ‘gut feeling’ we wouldn’t work out. However, we are now in the ‘friendzone’ ie arctic wasteland of relationships past.  I sent him an email and told him I could drop the facade of being nice now and he could meet the real me lol! Furthermore, I would periodically hit him up for his single friends and I also told him he is the only guy I have dated in a protracted manner and never slept with.  I think he was a little shocked and disappointed but c’est la vie.  As a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

Then I decided that I would give the old speed dating a go.  As I was so popular last time I thought ‘what the hell?’  I arrived at the Unibar a little early as I was having a drink with a friend and then went up for speed dating.  There were seven of us.  I was open to meeting five of the seven again but only got the numbers of two.  I didn’t contact either.  One contacted me and because of work we were supposed to catch up today.  I left him a message to find out what was happening and then he left a message back saying that he went on a date on Thursday and was pursuing that!  WTF?!  I mean, I have never met a guy who goes on one date and then drops all others. Man, she must be a princess whose dad owns a brewery for an Aussie bloke to make up his mind so quickly lol!

Between the speed dating and Valentine’s Day, I had a breakfast date with shall we call him Napoleon? Napoleon is an army officer.  He is reasonably attractive and knows it but is a little on the short side hence the name.  We had a very nice brunch and talked non stop for about two hours.  Prior to my leaving I asked him if he was interested in catching up again to which he replied that he had a ‘gut feeling’ that we wouldn’t work out. WTF??? Two in one month?  What is it with these men and their ‘gut feelings’?  I then received a text saying that he was sure about this but he then made (and broke) a date with me for after work on Valentine’s day. 

With all this going on with Napoleon, I was surprised to find a text on my phone from Body Dismorphic Guy.  Remember, he was the one I met when out with Matilda a few months ago?  Anyway, the first and last time I met him, I said if he wanted to see me he had to ask me out properly which he never did.  HE then proceeded to ask by text if I wanted to be fwb? WTF???!!!  He even asked in an apologetic manner.  I mean REALLY?  He sends me a couple of texts and thinks I would be ok with this?  He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship as he had personal issues to deal with.  So, in other words he is looking for an unpaid whore?  I told him I would pass on the opportunity thank you very much as this is just a big time waster for me and all that would happen is that I would get used until he found something more to his liking.  I was really pissed about this.  I mean FFS!  BY TEXT?!

After these two I was feeling marginally pissed off when I got home.  I had had a cute 33 year old chippy contact me on pof for virtually the same thing prior to me getting off the site in recent times due to Huggy Bear.  ‘Right’, I thought.  ‘If this is what I am getting I might as well order something much more to my liking!’  I left work to dash home and have a quick tidy up and shower.  In the middle of this activity Napoleon texts.  Apparently he had finished his plans for V Day and was home early. I texted back that I had a cute 33 year old tradie coming over to sweep the cobwebs.  He said he could have done that  and I replied that he was not interested so I found someone who was.  He commenced a texting marathon.  I hit pause when said chippy turned up.  He was cute and just like his pic.  After he left, I replied to Napoleon and then we continued this marathon.  He doesn’t want a relationship with me due to his gut but his dick is quite happy with fwb!  ‘Not happening,’ I said.  ‘Why, when you just did that?’ he replied.  This is my answer.  I don’t seriously date guys under 35 so as far as  I am concerned there is no chance ever of a relationship so I won’t get hurt.  Also, as one nighters or fwb is only short term I would much rather get something younger and hotter.  Truth is, guys do it all the time.  I want to date someone in my age group properly but if its only a fleeting thing then uber hot wins every time. Having a fling with a hot young thing is like taking a Ferrari for a test drive.  Lots of fun but you know you can’t keep it. 

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling pretty good.  Matilda was arriving.  I was going out with her and a bunch of friends to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my 21st.  We were hitting the Hyatt for a Madhatter’s afternoon tea.  I was the Queen of Tarts.  We sipped champers and grazed and thoroughly had a great time.  Prior to leaving we went for cocktails and I, of course got my first of many espresso martinis.  We then went to town to the Treehouse for more drinkies before heading to the local meat market Mooseheads.  We stayed for an hour or so before heading to the local gay club Cube.

Cube is fantastic! The music is great and there are sights to behold.  I was surrounded by gorgeous, young men dancing up a storm! It was just like being in a Kylie Minogue film clip. The friends thinned out until it was just Matilda and I.  I remember sitting at one stage and a strange man in a Hello Kitty pink shirt and tutu came to sit and talk to us.  We danced some more and then I went to the ladies and saw a huge very underdressed trannie wearing the shortest daisy dukes (they were almost a belt) as well as a dwarf (not that there’s anything wrong with short people but it was a very surreal experience).  I walked into my toilet cubicle and just had to have a moment to absorb what I was seeing.  The poster on the back of the door was moving. How much had I imbibed?  Did I really see a dwarf?  She had amazing shoes lol!

Matilda found $50.  Bargain!  More drinks!  We danced some more until our feet hurt and then we found a lovely bed to lie on, on the outskirts of the dancefloor.  The whole room is surrounded by these double beds.  We were both bemoaning our sore feet when this foot fetishist came by and started massaging them for us. It was almost like we asked and the universe provided.  Matilda was quite amused at me writhing around in pain on the bed whilst the fetishist did his work.

After about half and hour of this we decided that we had imbibed enough and we should escape bat country for home before sunrise.  We hopped a cab and I managed to direct us home.  We sat up and talked as the moon moved in and out of focus.  I had a really amazing birthday surrounded by my friends and honestly did not want to go home.  I had taken several layers of skin off my feet wearing a fabulous pair of wedgewood blue heels but hell it was worth it.

This is the last day of my 40th year. I have had some experiences, good, bad and just plain weird. I wonder what this year will bring? Whatever it is, I know I can handle it. I am a fabulous, intelligent, funny and sexy woman. Bring it on I say!
Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

10 years of purgatory – you get less for murder these days!

Evening peeps, long time no hear eh?  Well the last several weeks have been interesting to say the least.  I had a little sojourn to Malaysia for a break and came back to celebrate new year with friends before commencing on the hamster wheel of work.  That’s all well and good you say but what else?

On New Years Day I had a very interesting realisation.  If I had stayed married to my first husband that would have been our 20th wedding anniversary!  Far out!!  This lead me to actually thinking about my life since leaving him.  The one thing that stuck out to me was that for a decade I have put up with cheating, lying bastards!  From the chef to the psychotic Canadian (PC) it seems that I attracted this scum.  Why?  I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my past and so I really took a long, hard look at myself.  Throughout my whole life I have been very impulsive when it comes to men. I have fallen fast and hard and given so much often to be disappointed in the end.  Could one say I have had a disappointment of men up to now lol?  PC accused me of ‘blitzkrieging’ into his life as I am very full on.  Maybe this is the issue?  Maybe I am too enthusiastic from the beginning?  This lead me to the idea of multidating that way I can hedge my bets and not put any one guy under pressure. That was my thoughts last year and I thought it would solve my problem.  See, I am always trying to find solutions to the hard questions. This seemed like the best logical approach until I met one Huggy Bear.

I met him a few months ago and we had seen each other a few times.  We get along really well and I was determined to start with a new game plan.  The definition of insanity is expecting a different outcome from doing the exact same things.  So, we met, we had a couple of dates and then the holiday season wiped out any spare time for either of us. I had started dating him and even told him about this blog which appeared not to phase him.  We went out in public in the day so there was absolutely no chance of any behaviour that may frighten the horses lol!  We went about our business and sent each other texts and that was that.  Then we arranged date number three – after work drinks.

As it was after work for him and I had been off all day I had plenty of time to decide what the hell to wear.  Always a problem.  Am I having a fat day?  What is clean?  Where am I going?  What if there’s a chance of him being dressed up?  So, after conferring with Matilda and trying on several outfits I decided a dress would do with a nice pair of patent slingbacks.  I drove to Manuka a little early and then found to my horror that I had forgotten my phone!  That feeling of utter annoyance when you reach into your bag and find it’s not there! Oh well too late now.  I tottered over to Alchemy and proceeded to obtain a sav blanc whilst chatting to the barman.  HB turned up only a couple of minutes late. Unfortunately, due to my time in the military I am a stickler for being punctual.  I always attempt to be at least 5-10 minutes early or I start worrying about being late and I hate being late.

We sat on a comfy couch and we had a great time chatting. We were even mirroring each others body language which I have been assured is a good thing. Now this was where it got interesting as it appears HB was put off by my multidating even when I explained the rationale.  The whole idea of multidating I suppose if I was honest was to hedge my bets against putting in a lot of time with one guy and then it going pearshaped and me having to start from square one as I had with the Hermit and the Scientist.  This was where I then had to take a deep breath and think what I wanted to do next.  So, I said to him that if I was asked to be exclusive with one person I would give it a go.  He asked me if I would and then says that he feels a bit bad as he is looking after his kids for three weeks and can’t really see me.  Of course I was disappointed. I really would like to get to know him better but there is no point in getting upset about the situation. It is what it is.  I then set a 10 date moratorium on anything sexual.  WTF you all say!  This is not the Jojogirl we know and love.  In fact I surprised myself as I have never done anything like this in my life.  The 10th date doesn’t guarantee it either. I liken it to powering up to the next level on an Xbox game.  The potential becomes available but not necessarily straight away.  I am sure my friends are taking bets as to how long this will last lol!

I went home and actually deleted, not hid my profile on pof.  Pof charge people to hide but of course it’s free to delete and I figure that I should do the right thing. No point being there if I am not going to fully participate.  With a bit of juggling, I managed to get a quick drink after work with HB the following Tuesday.   On Monday this week he snuck out for brunch with me.  I must say I give him big brownie points for that.  Whilst we ate we discussed the merits of the Tuesday meeting and whether or not it constitutes a ‘date’.  I had to concede that as it had the elements of a date i.e. a meeting between two romantically interested people where we interacted on a social level whilst imbibing our choice of alcoholic drink. He just thinks I potentially want to get laid on my birthday which is mid February lol!  There could be a grain of truth to this assertion, however, I said to him at Alchemy that how long it takes to get to ten is up to him.  It could be by or before February or it could take several more months. Touche! Though I should be up for date six next week.

So, does this mean I have an official ‘boyfriend’?  I don’t know. We don’t communicate every day.  We never speak on the phone.  We have only just become facebook friends.  I have sent one email and not received a reply as yet.  Bloody instant communication!  In the past you had an excuse as to why someone may not get back to you but now if you text or email it’s almost expected that you get something almost straight away and if you don’t what does that mean?  However, I am not playing these games with myself or anyone else this decade.  I am sure he knows that I like him and it’s up to him how he feels about me.  Nagging or railroading or guilting him into spending time with me will not make this work.

I am very mindful that he does have children.  I was a child of a bitter divorce and once my sperm donor got hitched to the stepmonster I never had time with him again.  To be fair I do not blame her entirely as if he had wanted to play a part in my life he would have.  So, I would not wish that on any child.  I really like the fact that he does put his children first.  That shows great character in my mind and he has also shown by sneaking time with me that he would like to get to know me. 

I just know that I don’t want to feel the deep sadness of the last decade.  Of being betrayed by bastards that were not worth my time in the first place.  I want a healthy relationship with someone who loves me as much as I love them and I cannot get that the way I have previously approached things.  Will HB and I work? I don’t know.  Hell, I don’t know when I will hear from him most of the time.  Does that worry me?  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my old insecurities occasionally rear their ugly heads.  All I know is that for once, I don’t want to ruin it.  This doesn’t mean that I will be a pushover or sell out my own beliefs just to have someone. It does mean that I would like to start a relationship with great foundations. I would like to get to know this guy and for him to get to know me with all my imperfections.

Just because I am attempting to date a very interesting, funny, sexy guy who, other than a few kisses I have not done anything with or seen in any state of undress does not mean the end of the blog.  As I said in the beginning, I want to explore the issues all of us face when attempting to date or be in a relationship.  Whether you are gay, straight or a bit bent I hope that there will be something here that you can relate to and maybe have a laugh to.

The other big news funsters is that I have joined a creative writing group.  I am going to attempt to write a novel. There, I have put it out there into the ethernet so I cannot back down from it now.  I was hoping this blog would help me find my creative voice and it has lead me to a couple of groups of likeminded people.  Just think, maybe in the future you may be able to say “I knew her before she became mainstream”.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogirl

ROAR!!

I commenced my quest to find someone to be with in July with a list of attributes I was looking for and the hope that out there in the worldwide web there was someone who was also looking to create a home. Through the months of actively looking I have come across a wide variety of men, some of whom have been interesting most of whom have been not so. I have had to soul search and dig around inside at what has been some very painful times in order to attempt to learn from my past mistakes and grow from experience. This is not easy and I am certainly nowhere near nirvana yet. I also have had to be brutally honest with myself regarding how my life has transpired. For many years I could not set boundaries and craved the acceptance of others. This has lead to a lot of poor choices in life. I mean, what was I thinking getting married at 20? When I escaped that one what was I thinking getting involved straight away with someone else? Then when that went SO pearshaped it wasn’t funny I get involved again with another person who has more issues than I have BUT I allow them to control me? WTF?

I then end all of that and commence this entertaining odyssey. Now, don’t get me wrong it has been an eye opener, funny in parts and may one day put Canberra up there with New York for dating (yeah right!) but look at some of these men. Ooh let’s see. We have the cyber creeps who only want to see you naked if you are on the web, the guys who have anger management issues, the guys who have no idea what they want, the ones who are testing the waters to see if they actually need a woman in their life or are we an optional extra they can just visit and pay for? Whom else? Mmm, the ones you have to drive to Cougartown to catch and release, the undecided ones who like you but are not sure they cannot get a better deal elsewhere and ones that I like and have spent time with and didn’t want to scare away with any overt displays of emotion. Whew! I think that just about covers the last six months.

I have felt every word of this song. I have had to go from zero to my own hero. This year I have had major health scares starting with potential brain and kidney tumours and then skin cancer which I have to get checked. I have worked hard to try and start a career which blazed and failed spectacularly six months ago. I have had to swallow my pride and go back nursing when I swore after I landed my first legal job I would never do. All of this I have faced alone. I live away from my brother and mother and do not have many people I would actually call friends here. So, who was there to wipe my tears when plans fell through and times were hard and cash was so low that some days I had nothing to eat? No one but myself. I got me through this. I did it. Who is there for me to go out with at night when I need a few wines and to blow off some steam? Me, I walk into clubs and pubs on my own and sit on my own surveying the scene with my heart pounding because it is so obvious I am there on my own and quite often not one person would have spoken directly to me other than a barman all night BUT I do it. Why? Because I like music and I have optimism that I can meet people (guys and girls) who I can have as friends in my life. I have had some people comment that it is brave of me to do this and they would never do it. I have to do it or I would never go out simple as that.

“I stood for nothing and fell for everything” This is a pretty good summation of my life. I have no reason to lie about who I am and I find because of that I assume everyone is like me. This lead me to fall for every lie a man ever told me. I say I stood for nothing because I felt worthless. This deep seated feeling stems from all the abuse I suffered over six years in the military. It has taken until now for me to change. It has not been easy. I have been in counselling for a year now. However, the tide has turned.

I feel that I have been held down and I am now getting up and brushing off the dust. I see it all and I see it now, all the lies and deception that has been aimed at me by men for years. Basically, I am that typical blonde that men like the idea of having a piece of but they could not possibly have as a partner. They like the idea of sleeping with me so they can hurry away to brag to their friends, Or with one person they liked having me because I made them look good. I am intelligent, I have had a varied working life so I can find middle ground to talk to most people, I am qualified in two professions where most people are lucky to have one. I am amusing (or so I have been told) and am not a bad raconteur. In short, I can intimidate men who have their own self esteem issues.

I now have that spark of anger. I am posting this because this is how I feel. I have had to become my own hero and I realise no one will save me or slay my demons for me. I am not going to put up with anymore time wasting, bullshit and lies. I have reached my limit. I cannot save anyone only myself. I am going to do what is best for me whether that is physically, emotionally or spiritually. I will not be held to ransom by anyone ever again. At the moment because my work situation is in a state of flux and I could potentially be moving to Brisbane (fingers crossed!) it’s like I have become more protective of myself. I will not allow anyone to hurt me. It’s almost like being in a bubble. For example, I saw Quirky at the beginning of the week and normally when I see him I ask him how the week is traveling and we make plans to catch up. This week, I didn’t ask and he didn’t bring it up. He also hasn’t contacted me at all. Do I feel hurt or angry like I would have in the past? No I don’t because I have been busy working and I feel that if I haven’t crossed his mind at least once in the last six days to the point that he could have at least texted then ok I know where I stand. He obviously likes me but I am not really a priority in his life.

I have had to work quite hard this week and coming off the bat of a long weekend in Orange I have not had much spare time. I mean hell, I had not only last weeks but this weeks washing to do and a room that looks like a bombs hit it. I know when my living space gets cluttered that my mind is cluttered.

I had lunch with Huggy Bear on Saturday and he is a really busy man but he does send me regular texts. We had a great time chatting and I helped him pick up a birthday present for some dinner he had to go to. He is a really great guy and we like hanging out together but there is no reason to push things to any place any time soon.

I went out for cocktails at Kremlin and then danced the night away at Cube, the local gay nightclub last night which was really fun. They were celebrating the first gay marriages in Australia, which could be made void ab initio by the High Court of Australia in a week but if they don’t it may be worth becoming a divorce attorney. At least the transcripts of their divorces will make interesting reading lol!

Finally, there is another penpal from overseas purporting to be interested in meeting me. He asked me for my number two weeks ago and has called me three times from Europe. I had a flurry of communication and now…nothing. Well, I have been through these overseas thing before ( see the Canadian psychopath / IMOM and The German). Whilst I like what he is telling me when we communicate and he has explained he is really busy with his job at the moment I think it is rude not to reply to your emails. I have quit corresponding and will see what happens. Either he is on the line and honest or like the last two he is not. I suppose only time will tell.

On that note, I will end tonight’s very long chapter. I am looking forward to a new slate and new challenges in the new year. I am hoping that my life will change for the better as to be honest, I don’t know anyone who has tried as hard as I have to get the opportunity to have the job and home life they crave. However, in the words of the lovely Ms Perry –

“I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR!’

The Jojogrrl

Social intercourse with multiple partners lol!

Morning fellow travelers

Whilst my luck in the big city appears on one level to have hightailed it to the other side of the continent, I have had a rather pleasant week.  Of course work is always there to impede one’s social progress, however despite completing six shifts in a row I did manage three dates.  I went for coffee and brunch on friday with one guy who seems quite nice and must I say very tidy. Weirdly enough, we knew the same crew from Cairns which is about 3 days drive from here.  We exchanged numbers and maybe might catch up again.

I had my seventh shift cancelled on Saturday, so did a bit of retail therapy before heading over to Quirky’s.   We went out for dinner and headed back to his to imbibe several wines whilst impressing each other with our musical taste on YouTube.  The place looked like we had had a huge party after he accidentally broke the couch and then had to dismantle it lol!  Amongst all of this we did actually sit and talk as usual about a variety of subjects. That is one thing that I do like about him is that our conversation can be totally unpredictable.  We were having a conversation and I asked him what in his opinion is the difference between dating and friends with benefits as I won’t do the latter?  His reply was that dating had potential whereas FWB is stagnant and will never evolve. Mmmm file that one away for future reference.  This point was interesting to me as in the past I had fell for this arrangement thinking that the person involved would eventually see how wonderful I was. So, if from the beginning they knew that they would never pursue a relationship with you and that you were just something to bide the time with, either you had to think the same from the outset with them and thereby not care at all if you never progress or a bunch of hurt was heading your way. In my past this had occurred and as I obviously did not study the Rules of Engagement properly, I did get truly burned.

After a breakfast coffee, I headed back to mine to get ready for a picnic by the lake with Huggy Bear.  Before you ask why I picked this name I have to say that Movember brings out the 70s porn star in most blokes lol!  I got ready listening to Lana Del Rey and praying that the weather would hold.  HB turned up promptly to pick me up which I did rate. My biggest pet hate behind someone being a cheating, lying scumbag is not being punctual. I feel if you cannot turn up on time for your first date it shows disrespect and probably sets the tone for the whole time you are with someone.

We drove out to the lake whereby we got down to having a really great chat and a lovely picnic.  To be honest I haven’t had a picnic in a long time and this guy did give me five options to chose from for the date.  Kudos to him I say!  We are the same age (well he is 3 weeks older), share the same star sign and have both been married twice.  Thus we have a congruent background to come from.  Where we differ is that he has children.  I have never dated anyone with children before (other than the Canadian but his was an older teenager in Canada that I never met so I don’t think that counts).  We were on the same page about a variety of things and talked a lot about ourselves.  I think he was relieved that I was not interested in meeting his children and wouldn’t push for it unless there was a serious relationship.  As a child of divorce myself, I do not think that children should have a parade of ‘partners’ through their lives and unless a parent meets someone that potentially will become part of the family the children should be protected.  After several hours by the lake we went for a drink at Honky Tonks and then he drove me home.  As I got out of the car we decided we would like to catch up again and he gave me a kiss goodbye.  Scratchy porn star tash lol!

After I got inside I received a call from a guy that I hear from maybe once a year (or once every second year!) about this time of year.  I met him at a xmas party a few years back in another town. He is one of the most incredibly smart guys I have ever met.  That is a big turn on for me. I love an intelligent guy. He is very capable in his work life but incredibly shy in his private life.  In fact, initially I didn’t click as to who he was.  I don’t know about you guys but who keeps numbers they don’t ring in their phone for years? I know I don’t. I do a regular cull. We talked for an hour.  He is doing well and has moved to Brisvegas.  As I have just put in for a job there, maybe we will catch up again?  He definitely needs a bit of the Jojogrrl sparkle in his life.  All work and no play is incredibly boring but he is a little young for me to take seriously.  I have a line that any guy who is more than five years younger than me is not a serious contender for a relationship.  That way I can’t get hurt.  It is only the guys in my age bracket of five years either side that can do any potential damage.  So I am very vigilant about my feelings with them.

I don’t particularly want to move again.  I really like my place and am starting to get a bit of a life down here BUT I don’t want to nurse forever and I need a legal job.  Unfortunately the government has put a freeze on hiring and I just don’t have any experience in private practice to get a chance there.  I have applied to go to Brisvegas for a six month job which could lead to something more. I have met some guys down here that I like which could potentially kill that off but what do I do?  Do I stay here and hope the freeze is lifted and work as a nurse for longer (and at the moment who knows how long that could be?) or do I take another chance and move again?  Decisions, decisions!  Anyway, will cross that bridge if I get offered anything.

In the meantime, I was working in the Emergency Department last night and got talking to one of my patients who gave me a contact for some legal work in a department.  Nothing may be there until the new year but it is something. So, dear people, send all your positive thoughts my way that something good will turn up in the new year.  In the meantime, its just over three weeks until I go away for Xmas and the silly season is almost upon us.  With all the partying and drinking to come I can see the potential for all sorts of mischief lol!

With that in mind, until next time stay safe

The Jojogrrl

Things that make you go umm?

Evening readers,

Tonight’s morsel commences with last weekend as I have been exceedingly busy and tired this week.  Why?  You ask?  Well, my usual shift work can be tiring but  for the first time since 2011 I not only did a night shift but it was a double. I worked from 1300 tuesday until 0700 wednesday then went back at 1700-2130.  I shouldn’t moan as no one made me do it but as the hospital keeps cancelling my sunday penalty shifts I really needed the money and so the cycle of industrial whoredom commences lol!

So, last friday I went to Trinity to see my DJ friend in action.  He put my name on the door and I started the evening with a cosmo chatting to him.  He’s a really nice guy who I hope will be a great friend as he has a girlfriend.  I write that with a tinge of sadness as lots of great guys seem to have girlfriends or are gay but there you go.  Anyway, Quirky turned up so there was several more cosmos imbibed before he drove my car back to his as we were closer to his place than mine.

I left on Saturday and went and did the Saturday things and boring house stuff.  Who wears all this stuff?  I swear to God someone is coming in and wearing my clothes because I just don’t know when I find the time to dirty so much stuff.  Saturday night was on and I was going out to dinner with Quirky.  I got dressed and headed to his place and as usual he was nowhere near ready as he had fallen asleep on the couch.  He had already had a couple of drinks so I had one to catch up and then off we went. We wandered around drinking until we went to a Mexican restaurant in Civic.  It was really nice food but they took ages to feed us.  We talked about all sorts of things and this is what I really like about his company. I never know what we will discuss.  We ended up drinking far too much for either of us to drive so we got a cab to his.  The next morning I had to do the walk of shame in my last night clothing and birds nest hair.  Thank God for sunnies in the car.  I raced home to get ready for work only to get cancelled!  Damn!! That was a lot of money that I have missed out so now I have to cancel a date for Friday and work it back.  I got hold of Quirky and he came over for dinner.  We had dinner and watched Clerks which is an oldie but a goodie and he left as he had a course to go to in the morning.

I didn’t plan for a whole weekend in his company. Is this odd? We like each other and get along really well so I suppose we just have to hang out for a bit and see what happens. It is really difficult because I like to define my relationships and I have no definition for this.  Is it a relationship?  Is it a friendship or a friends with benefits-ship?  I just don’t know.  I do know that he was not happy when I said I couldn’t see him the following weekend as I have dates.  He hadn’t asked me so I had already booked myself out. Whilst he is being all cool with my multidating it would be nice to see that he didn’t like it or maybe he isn’t that bothered and by me dating others he doesn’t have to develop anything with me?  God! I don’t know! Life as an adult is TOO confusing!

I popped out to his after work on wednesday for a wine and some chocolate after my mega shift and an extra four hours. I was tired so it was nice to have a wine and a whine and some sympathy.  I think I slept the sleep of the dead! I was actually more tired on Thursday then on Wednesday.  Thursday was a bit of a downer for me. I received FIVE reject letters from the public service as all hiring is frozen indefinitely.  This will mean that I am now nursing indefinitely!  I now have a student loan to repay for a degree that is useless to me and I am back to square one! I have to admit I am a little heartbroken.  I have sacrificed much to obtain these qualifications.  This is a dark period in my life.  Most people have either a job, a partner or both to make their lives happy and I have neither. I do not want to remain single forever but it just seems I can’t catch an even break.

Friday, I ended up working in Emergency which was busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.  At one point I received a patient from the watch house complete with plain clothes police escort. He appeared to be fitting so I went to get some doctors.  My boss came over and asked me to take a patient to another ward and have a tea break finally!  So, off I go.  Whilst I was away all hell breaks loose! When the boss tries to remove this guy’s cardigan he tries to throw an IV pole at her and a monitor so one of the nice plain clothes police go to pepper spray him and end up getting most on my boss!  The patient next door is a respiratory patient so he needs moving and with all the spray half of the department has also got to move. We had cops all over the joint! All I can say is thank God I wasn’t there as I have been coughing all week due to a low level cold which has kicked off some residual inflammation in my airways from being exposed to mycoplasma pneumonia years ago. YAY!

After all that excitement I headed to the Kennedy Room in Kingston for a bevvie or ten with the girls from work.  We were having a going away for one of the ICU staff and there were a lot there.  I started with an espresso martini, followed by a tequila redbull and a couple of vodka, lime and sodas.  We talked and danced and got kicked out at stumps.

I had a brunch with a great girlie friend of mine and then time to get ready for my date with interstate guy.  This guy got talking to me last week and as he lives about three hours away asked if he could take me out to dinner.  I was very flattered that someone would want to drive a six hour round trip to have dinner with me.  Anyway, he turned up a little early and I wasn’t quite dressed. He was really nice and we talked quite easily.  I navigated our way to a bar on the other side of the city called the Ha Ha Bar where we sat and had a couple of drinks and talked about life, the universe and everything.  We then went on to dinner.  We had a really great dinner at Ellecure and talked about all manner of things. He has to come through Canberra on occasion for work so we could catch up in the future. He was married and has children which shows that he can sustain a relationship with a woman and was genuine and appeared interested. He also gave me some interesting career advice…so watch this space I may do something completely out of the ordinary lol!

He drove me back to the humungous house and bade me farewell at the door.  There was none of the awkward are you coming in stuff which I really appreciated.  I thought he was interesting and interested but I don’t know about tricky long distance things. I just won’t do it.  We may catch up again but not necessarily this year due to work and his kids and Xmas etc.  I came in and rang my mother straight away so she would know I hadn’t been abducted by a serial killer.

In a week that has seen me out all last weekend with Quirky, doing six shifts in five days and then going out all weekend so far I haven’t done too badly.  Admittedly I am stuffed!  I have either a low grade cold or hayfever and I am still as poor as a church mouse but at least I am getting amongst it.  Where do I get the energy?  I have no idea.  I am like a hamster on a wheel I just keep going.   This week I have had other conversations and offers to ponder.  This is good in one way as I have choices.  I do not have to settle for the company of one person or any person. Is so much choice good?  Does this aid in making a good choice or just confuse you so much that you can’t make a choice at all?  I don’t know!  I have never been the popular girl and have never really dated before much less dated in the heroic manner of recent times.

Regardless of how a date goes I appreciate it. I appreciate meeting a diverse group of men.  I hope that some will become friends even if we are not romantically attracted as one can never have too many friends. However, at the moment with time being so scarce if I am spending time with someone then they are to my mind worth currently exploring.  I am not wasting what small amount of time I have available to meet someone on guys I don’t think are in the running.  Thus, as the year draws to a close I am honing my skills and listening to my gut instinct in order to come back brighter next year.  The tide has to turn but in the meantime a girl has to have a hobby.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

Jojogrrl and the dragon!

Evening funsters,

I thought I had better get this week down on paper as I have been quite the busy beaver.  After having dinner with the Quirky guy the Saturday before last, I then had a packed day last Tuesday which commenced with a walk with the engineer, brunch with some old friends and then a drink with one of the guys who responded to my add for a mail order groom followed by movies with the group and the engineer. 

This drink on a tuesday afternoon was with another prospective beau who had stumbled across my writings whilst obviously working hard within his government employment.  We met for a drink at the Treehouse which advertised it was open from 12-12 but it lied! So, I was loitering out the front awaiting his arrival.  Thus we toddled down to Kingo’s which is a slightly worn pretend Irish pub.  We sat and chatted for approximately 2 hours and agreed that we should catch up again. Unfortunately, due to our crazy schedules it looks like it won’t be until next month. Ahh well watch this space…

I then headed up to the movies and met up with the engineer.  We sat with one of my friends and watched 2 Guns.  I liked it though the flagrant chicken abuse was a bit much to take.  I dropped the engineer home and went home myself to get a good night’s sleep as I was meeting another for coffee in the morning.  I awoke and was off to have coffee with Mr Smooth.  I have to say he has definite people skills and must be quite good at his profession.  The time flew as we talked and laughed and made plans to catch up again (in fact as I write this we have been on the phone for about an hour and a half!) 

Thursday came and I went to work.  I checked my messages and had simultaneous message conversations with the traveler, quirky guy and Mr Smooth.  Talk about keeping me on my toes!  It’s quite challenging to make sure that you message the right person the right reply when you are having three different conversations at once!  I then headed over to visit the quirky guy for a drink. We had some wine and I find we have lots to talk about.  In the morning he made me a coffee without poisoning me and I left for home in my zebra skin dressing gown in the commuter traffic of Canberra.  I am sure there were several people on the buses that were at the lights with me that were quite amused.  When I got home I had a little disco nap before packing to go to Dragon Dreaming!

Dragon dreaming was what is known in Australia as a ‘bush doof’.  This is a music festival that features mainly psytrance, drum and base as well as a variety of other electronica.  I drove out towards Wee Jasper listening to my old Gatecrasher cds with the sun top on my car down.  It was a fantastic day for driving!  It took me about 2 hours to get there. I had to drive through some scary roads that were close to the edges of the hills and not much more than dusty tracks to finally get to the dreaming site.  It was on the bank of a river.  There were three stages Fire, Air and Earth as well as a wellbeing area (Water).  I pulled in, grabbed a drink bottle which I filled with a good shot of vodka and some red bull and headed to the Air stage.

Air stage had some really cool music playing.  There was a guy sitting near the middle of the dance floor on a chair listening in.  As there were not many people around I decided to strike up a conversation.  It transpired that he was a DJ from Canberra, about my age and appeared to enjoy my type of music.  We had a really great conversation and then Matilda and the Lazygardener (LG) arrived!  We set up our tents and went back to listen to some more great stuff.  I changed into my zebra skin dressing gown and beret to make a real fashion statement and to keep warm.  Around oneish I went to bed wrapped in said zebra, thermals, furry blankie, sleeping bag, beret and socks.  I was still cold!!  I curled into a ball and tried not to move and managed to give myself a sore hip but eventually the heavy drum beat put me to sleep.

I woke up on Saturday morning like a woman on a mission.  I dressed in a tie dyed hippy Indian style skirt and tshirt and headed out to the market for coffee. Matilda and LG were not up yet.  I coffeed up and  headed back to Air. There was this great trio on who were playing live.  I was dancing next to this crazy Canadian chick who was going to be an airhostess. She introduced me to a crew from Canberra, who then passed me to some strange Israeli dudes who then introduced me to a fabulous garbologist.  Each of these groups imparted various types of wisdom on me.  I felt like Alice going down the rabbit hole.  I met such interesting people!  After my own personal odyssey I went back to camp and met up with Matilda and LG.

The afternoon blended into the night in a blur of music and partying!  The opening ceremony was happening at Fire Stage and the music was going off!  There were all sorts of people there.  As I crossed the bridge there were a herd of zebra with a dragon and a fairy followed by a couple of lions.  It was all about the music. I am not completely au fait with all genres but most of what I heard I liked.  At one point I went back to Air and lay on a hay bale looking up at the stars.  It struck me that even though I was not with a significant other it didn’t matter because even if I was our journeys whilst simultaneous are different.  I also lay there actually thinking about my life whilst listening to the tunes and I actually felt content.   I realise now that I may not actually have a significant other in my life and I am ok with that.  I also am of the realisation that the only person I can rely on to love and care for me is me and I am ok with that too.  I don’t want to settle for just someone to warm my bed at night and be present in my life, I want someone to be a presence and to ‘get’ me and that is hard to find.  Not impossible but  I am slowly coming to accept that it may not happen.  I am also profoundly grateful for the richness that my friends – the family I chose bring to my life.  Amazing, the realisations one can come to at a bush doof eh?

I crashed with Matilda and LG in their tent as I was too bloody cold in my own. I left them to sleep in the morning and went off to have a little read in the sun.  When they got up I went with them to listen to LG do a permaculture talk in the Water tent.  It was very interesting to hear about how we can help the land to produce more by observing what grows and picking plants that are within the same and similar genres.  There was a lot of information to take in and even though I am not a gardener I found it quite interesting from a scientific point of view.

We then grabbed the silky blanket and headed to Fire Stage to lay in the sun and listen to some amazing psytrance.  Terafractyl was playing and it was awesome.  I had a little snooze under a tree and then bumped into the guy from the first day.  We hung out and he said he was playing a set and then leaving.  He then tempted me with talk of warm showers and maccas burgers.  I decided that he would make a fantastic seeing eye guide out of the place and that if he was off, so was I.  We listened to some really amazing stuff.  There was the psychedelic cat girl and electric guitarist who were really great and played for about an hour and a half before my friend.  He played a bit of eurotrance before throwing in what he calls ‘handbag house’.  A very good rendition of the Eurythmics ‘Sweet Dreams’ and Kylie’s ‘Can’t get you outta my head’ where her voice was toned and slowed to sound like a guys was fabulous. 

Eventually, all good things came to an end and as careflight and the cops arrived to move a patient to hospital, my friend and I left. I followed him through the farmer’s fields and the winding road that leads to Yass.  There were some brown trouser moments I must say!  We eventually got to Yass and headed to Maccas.  We were still in our doof clothes. I was wearing Matilda’s K-Mart Mountain Skank waistcoat, furry scarf, knitted gauntlets and beret.  Whilst we were eating the cops arrived took one look and moved away. I think we probably didn’t smell too good either!

I got home about 0200 and grabbed my washbag, went inside without unpacking the car, showered and collapsed into my nice warm bed.  When I got up, I did three loads of washing and watched Breaking Bad before heading out to dinner with the Quirky guy.  It is funny in that we do like each other but we are both far too cautious to fully dive into anything.  We can share some wine and talk about a plethora of subjects from Icelandic electronica to ex girlfriends who want to be friends with benefits but we are steadfastly not going to examine our dating too closely and for that I say I am grateful.  Quirky guy knows I multidate and also reads the blog (Hi lol!) but until we really have an idea as to what we feel and I for one, find him interesting and I like him but I haven’t settled anything else in my mind, we are just not going there.  I don’t want to create any pressure where none is required. I know he likes me and enjoys my company but I don’t think he knows what he wants either so it is pointless to try and guide the situation towards an end game that neither of us have settled on.

So, more coffee and a farewell and back home to complete the tidy up from the weekend and a bit of telephone tag with Mr Smooth before work.  I also received an email from my Tuesday afternoon drinking beau (TADBeau) who wants to secure a date next week.  Thus, on the horizon is drinks with people from work on this friday, dinner with quirky guy on saturday night, drinks with Mr Smooth on either wednesday or saturday and a friday night date with TADBeau.  All I can say, this dating lark is like another full time job without decent pay and superannuation but is turning out to be quite a ride!

Until next time, dear readers, stay safe!

The Jojogrrl

xxx

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