Gut feelings and offers I can refuse!

Morning groovers,

I have been inordinately busy in the last week or so. What with doing eight shifts in seven days and squeezing in the gym and dating I haven’t had time to scratch myself much less complete any writing!.  So, the ‘friendzone’.  Last installment I said I was dating Huggy Bear as he asked to see me on an exclusive basis.  Sadly, we commenced date one with a picnic and ended at the same spot at date six with a picnic.  Basically, after asking for exclusive rights, he decided when he got them he really didn’t want them after all. He said he had a ‘gut feeling’ we wouldn’t work out. However, we are now in the ‘friendzone’ ie arctic wasteland of relationships past.  I sent him an email and told him I could drop the facade of being nice now and he could meet the real me lol! Furthermore, I would periodically hit him up for his single friends and I also told him he is the only guy I have dated in a protracted manner and never slept with.  I think he was a little shocked and disappointed but c’est la vie.  As a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

Then I decided that I would give the old speed dating a go.  As I was so popular last time I thought ‘what the hell?’  I arrived at the Unibar a little early as I was having a drink with a friend and then went up for speed dating.  There were seven of us.  I was open to meeting five of the seven again but only got the numbers of two.  I didn’t contact either.  One contacted me and because of work we were supposed to catch up today.  I left him a message to find out what was happening and then he left a message back saying that he went on a date on Thursday and was pursuing that!  WTF?!  I mean, I have never met a guy who goes on one date and then drops all others. Man, she must be a princess whose dad owns a brewery for an Aussie bloke to make up his mind so quickly lol!

Between the speed dating and Valentine’s Day, I had a breakfast date with shall we call him Napoleon? Napoleon is an army officer.  He is reasonably attractive and knows it but is a little on the short side hence the name.  We had a very nice brunch and talked non stop for about two hours.  Prior to my leaving I asked him if he was interested in catching up again to which he replied that he had a ‘gut feeling’ that we wouldn’t work out. WTF??? Two in one month?  What is it with these men and their ‘gut feelings’?  I then received a text saying that he was sure about this but he then made (and broke) a date with me for after work on Valentine’s day. 

With all this going on with Napoleon, I was surprised to find a text on my phone from Body Dismorphic Guy.  Remember, he was the one I met when out with Matilda a few months ago?  Anyway, the first and last time I met him, I said if he wanted to see me he had to ask me out properly which he never did.  HE then proceeded to ask by text if I wanted to be fwb? WTF???!!!  He even asked in an apologetic manner.  I mean REALLY?  He sends me a couple of texts and thinks I would be ok with this?  He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship as he had personal issues to deal with.  So, in other words he is looking for an unpaid whore?  I told him I would pass on the opportunity thank you very much as this is just a big time waster for me and all that would happen is that I would get used until he found something more to his liking.  I was really pissed about this.  I mean FFS!  BY TEXT?!

After these two I was feeling marginally pissed off when I got home.  I had had a cute 33 year old chippy contact me on pof for virtually the same thing prior to me getting off the site in recent times due to Huggy Bear.  ‘Right’, I thought.  ‘If this is what I am getting I might as well order something much more to my liking!’  I left work to dash home and have a quick tidy up and shower.  In the middle of this activity Napoleon texts.  Apparently he had finished his plans for V Day and was home early. I texted back that I had a cute 33 year old tradie coming over to sweep the cobwebs.  He said he could have done that  and I replied that he was not interested so I found someone who was.  He commenced a texting marathon.  I hit pause when said chippy turned up.  He was cute and just like his pic.  After he left, I replied to Napoleon and then we continued this marathon.  He doesn’t want a relationship with me due to his gut but his dick is quite happy with fwb!  ‘Not happening,’ I said.  ‘Why, when you just did that?’ he replied.  This is my answer.  I don’t seriously date guys under 35 so as far as  I am concerned there is no chance ever of a relationship so I won’t get hurt.  Also, as one nighters or fwb is only short term I would much rather get something younger and hotter.  Truth is, guys do it all the time.  I want to date someone in my age group properly but if its only a fleeting thing then uber hot wins every time. Having a fling with a hot young thing is like taking a Ferrari for a test drive.  Lots of fun but you know you can’t keep it. 

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling pretty good.  Matilda was arriving.  I was going out with her and a bunch of friends to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my 21st.  We were hitting the Hyatt for a Madhatter’s afternoon tea.  I was the Queen of Tarts.  We sipped champers and grazed and thoroughly had a great time.  Prior to leaving we went for cocktails and I, of course got my first of many espresso martinis.  We then went to town to the Treehouse for more drinkies before heading to the local meat market Mooseheads.  We stayed for an hour or so before heading to the local gay club Cube.

Cube is fantastic! The music is great and there are sights to behold.  I was surrounded by gorgeous, young men dancing up a storm! It was just like being in a Kylie Minogue film clip. The friends thinned out until it was just Matilda and I.  I remember sitting at one stage and a strange man in a Hello Kitty pink shirt and tutu came to sit and talk to us.  We danced some more and then I went to the ladies and saw a huge very underdressed trannie wearing the shortest daisy dukes (they were almost a belt) as well as a dwarf (not that there’s anything wrong with short people but it was a very surreal experience).  I walked into my toilet cubicle and just had to have a moment to absorb what I was seeing.  The poster on the back of the door was moving. How much had I imbibed?  Did I really see a dwarf?  She had amazing shoes lol!

Matilda found $50.  Bargain!  More drinks!  We danced some more until our feet hurt and then we found a lovely bed to lie on, on the outskirts of the dancefloor.  The whole room is surrounded by these double beds.  We were both bemoaning our sore feet when this foot fetishist came by and started massaging them for us. It was almost like we asked and the universe provided.  Matilda was quite amused at me writhing around in pain on the bed whilst the fetishist did his work.

After about half and hour of this we decided that we had imbibed enough and we should escape bat country for home before sunrise.  We hopped a cab and I managed to direct us home.  We sat up and talked as the moon moved in and out of focus.  I had a really amazing birthday surrounded by my friends and honestly did not want to go home.  I had taken several layers of skin off my feet wearing a fabulous pair of wedgewood blue heels but hell it was worth it.

This is the last day of my 40th year. I have had some experiences, good, bad and just plain weird. I wonder what this year will bring? Whatever it is, I know I can handle it. I am a fabulous, intelligent, funny and sexy woman. Bring it on I say!
Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

10 years of purgatory – you get less for murder these days!

Evening peeps, long time no hear eh?  Well the last several weeks have been interesting to say the least.  I had a little sojourn to Malaysia for a break and came back to celebrate new year with friends before commencing on the hamster wheel of work.  That’s all well and good you say but what else?

On New Years Day I had a very interesting realisation.  If I had stayed married to my first husband that would have been our 20th wedding anniversary!  Far out!!  This lead me to actually thinking about my life since leaving him.  The one thing that stuck out to me was that for a decade I have put up with cheating, lying bastards!  From the chef to the psychotic Canadian (PC) it seems that I attracted this scum.  Why?  I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my past and so I really took a long, hard look at myself.  Throughout my whole life I have been very impulsive when it comes to men. I have fallen fast and hard and given so much often to be disappointed in the end.  Could one say I have had a disappointment of men up to now lol?  PC accused me of ‘blitzkrieging’ into his life as I am very full on.  Maybe this is the issue?  Maybe I am too enthusiastic from the beginning?  This lead me to the idea of multidating that way I can hedge my bets and not put any one guy under pressure. That was my thoughts last year and I thought it would solve my problem.  See, I am always trying to find solutions to the hard questions. This seemed like the best logical approach until I met one Huggy Bear.

I met him a few months ago and we had seen each other a few times.  We get along really well and I was determined to start with a new game plan.  The definition of insanity is expecting a different outcome from doing the exact same things.  So, we met, we had a couple of dates and then the holiday season wiped out any spare time for either of us. I had started dating him and even told him about this blog which appeared not to phase him.  We went out in public in the day so there was absolutely no chance of any behaviour that may frighten the horses lol!  We went about our business and sent each other texts and that was that.  Then we arranged date number three – after work drinks.

As it was after work for him and I had been off all day I had plenty of time to decide what the hell to wear.  Always a problem.  Am I having a fat day?  What is clean?  Where am I going?  What if there’s a chance of him being dressed up?  So, after conferring with Matilda and trying on several outfits I decided a dress would do with a nice pair of patent slingbacks.  I drove to Manuka a little early and then found to my horror that I had forgotten my phone!  That feeling of utter annoyance when you reach into your bag and find it’s not there! Oh well too late now.  I tottered over to Alchemy and proceeded to obtain a sav blanc whilst chatting to the barman.  HB turned up only a couple of minutes late. Unfortunately, due to my time in the military I am a stickler for being punctual.  I always attempt to be at least 5-10 minutes early or I start worrying about being late and I hate being late.

We sat on a comfy couch and we had a great time chatting. We were even mirroring each others body language which I have been assured is a good thing. Now this was where it got interesting as it appears HB was put off by my multidating even when I explained the rationale.  The whole idea of multidating I suppose if I was honest was to hedge my bets against putting in a lot of time with one guy and then it going pearshaped and me having to start from square one as I had with the Hermit and the Scientist.  This was where I then had to take a deep breath and think what I wanted to do next.  So, I said to him that if I was asked to be exclusive with one person I would give it a go.  He asked me if I would and then says that he feels a bit bad as he is looking after his kids for three weeks and can’t really see me.  Of course I was disappointed. I really would like to get to know him better but there is no point in getting upset about the situation. It is what it is.  I then set a 10 date moratorium on anything sexual.  WTF you all say!  This is not the Jojogirl we know and love.  In fact I surprised myself as I have never done anything like this in my life.  The 10th date doesn’t guarantee it either. I liken it to powering up to the next level on an Xbox game.  The potential becomes available but not necessarily straight away.  I am sure my friends are taking bets as to how long this will last lol!

I went home and actually deleted, not hid my profile on pof.  Pof charge people to hide but of course it’s free to delete and I figure that I should do the right thing. No point being there if I am not going to fully participate.  With a bit of juggling, I managed to get a quick drink after work with HB the following Tuesday.   On Monday this week he snuck out for brunch with me.  I must say I give him big brownie points for that.  Whilst we ate we discussed the merits of the Tuesday meeting and whether or not it constitutes a ‘date’.  I had to concede that as it had the elements of a date i.e. a meeting between two romantically interested people where we interacted on a social level whilst imbibing our choice of alcoholic drink. He just thinks I potentially want to get laid on my birthday which is mid February lol!  There could be a grain of truth to this assertion, however, I said to him at Alchemy that how long it takes to get to ten is up to him.  It could be by or before February or it could take several more months. Touche! Though I should be up for date six next week.

So, does this mean I have an official ‘boyfriend’?  I don’t know. We don’t communicate every day.  We never speak on the phone.  We have only just become facebook friends.  I have sent one email and not received a reply as yet.  Bloody instant communication!  In the past you had an excuse as to why someone may not get back to you but now if you text or email it’s almost expected that you get something almost straight away and if you don’t what does that mean?  However, I am not playing these games with myself or anyone else this decade.  I am sure he knows that I like him and it’s up to him how he feels about me.  Nagging or railroading or guilting him into spending time with me will not make this work.

I am very mindful that he does have children.  I was a child of a bitter divorce and once my sperm donor got hitched to the stepmonster I never had time with him again.  To be fair I do not blame her entirely as if he had wanted to play a part in my life he would have.  So, I would not wish that on any child.  I really like the fact that he does put his children first.  That shows great character in my mind and he has also shown by sneaking time with me that he would like to get to know me. 

I just know that I don’t want to feel the deep sadness of the last decade.  Of being betrayed by bastards that were not worth my time in the first place.  I want a healthy relationship with someone who loves me as much as I love them and I cannot get that the way I have previously approached things.  Will HB and I work? I don’t know.  Hell, I don’t know when I will hear from him most of the time.  Does that worry me?  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my old insecurities occasionally rear their ugly heads.  All I know is that for once, I don’t want to ruin it.  This doesn’t mean that I will be a pushover or sell out my own beliefs just to have someone. It does mean that I would like to start a relationship with great foundations. I would like to get to know this guy and for him to get to know me with all my imperfections.

Just because I am attempting to date a very interesting, funny, sexy guy who, other than a few kisses I have not done anything with or seen in any state of undress does not mean the end of the blog.  As I said in the beginning, I want to explore the issues all of us face when attempting to date or be in a relationship.  Whether you are gay, straight or a bit bent I hope that there will be something here that you can relate to and maybe have a laugh to.

The other big news funsters is that I have joined a creative writing group.  I am going to attempt to write a novel. There, I have put it out there into the ethernet so I cannot back down from it now.  I was hoping this blog would help me find my creative voice and it has lead me to a couple of groups of likeminded people.  Just think, maybe in the future you may be able to say “I knew her before she became mainstream”.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogirl

ROAR!!

I commenced my quest to find someone to be with in July with a list of attributes I was looking for and the hope that out there in the worldwide web there was someone who was also looking to create a home. Through the months of actively looking I have come across a wide variety of men, some of whom have been interesting most of whom have been not so. I have had to soul search and dig around inside at what has been some very painful times in order to attempt to learn from my past mistakes and grow from experience. This is not easy and I am certainly nowhere near nirvana yet. I also have had to be brutally honest with myself regarding how my life has transpired. For many years I could not set boundaries and craved the acceptance of others. This has lead to a lot of poor choices in life. I mean, what was I thinking getting married at 20? When I escaped that one what was I thinking getting involved straight away with someone else? Then when that went SO pearshaped it wasn’t funny I get involved again with another person who has more issues than I have BUT I allow them to control me? WTF?

I then end all of that and commence this entertaining odyssey. Now, don’t get me wrong it has been an eye opener, funny in parts and may one day put Canberra up there with New York for dating (yeah right!) but look at some of these men. Ooh let’s see. We have the cyber creeps who only want to see you naked if you are on the web, the guys who have anger management issues, the guys who have no idea what they want, the ones who are testing the waters to see if they actually need a woman in their life or are we an optional extra they can just visit and pay for? Whom else? Mmm, the ones you have to drive to Cougartown to catch and release, the undecided ones who like you but are not sure they cannot get a better deal elsewhere and ones that I like and have spent time with and didn’t want to scare away with any overt displays of emotion. Whew! I think that just about covers the last six months.

I have felt every word of this song. I have had to go from zero to my own hero. This year I have had major health scares starting with potential brain and kidney tumours and then skin cancer which I have to get checked. I have worked hard to try and start a career which blazed and failed spectacularly six months ago. I have had to swallow my pride and go back nursing when I swore after I landed my first legal job I would never do. All of this I have faced alone. I live away from my brother and mother and do not have many people I would actually call friends here. So, who was there to wipe my tears when plans fell through and times were hard and cash was so low that some days I had nothing to eat? No one but myself. I got me through this. I did it. Who is there for me to go out with at night when I need a few wines and to blow off some steam? Me, I walk into clubs and pubs on my own and sit on my own surveying the scene with my heart pounding because it is so obvious I am there on my own and quite often not one person would have spoken directly to me other than a barman all night BUT I do it. Why? Because I like music and I have optimism that I can meet people (guys and girls) who I can have as friends in my life. I have had some people comment that it is brave of me to do this and they would never do it. I have to do it or I would never go out simple as that.

“I stood for nothing and fell for everything” This is a pretty good summation of my life. I have no reason to lie about who I am and I find because of that I assume everyone is like me. This lead me to fall for every lie a man ever told me. I say I stood for nothing because I felt worthless. This deep seated feeling stems from all the abuse I suffered over six years in the military. It has taken until now for me to change. It has not been easy. I have been in counselling for a year now. However, the tide has turned.

I feel that I have been held down and I am now getting up and brushing off the dust. I see it all and I see it now, all the lies and deception that has been aimed at me by men for years. Basically, I am that typical blonde that men like the idea of having a piece of but they could not possibly have as a partner. They like the idea of sleeping with me so they can hurry away to brag to their friends, Or with one person they liked having me because I made them look good. I am intelligent, I have had a varied working life so I can find middle ground to talk to most people, I am qualified in two professions where most people are lucky to have one. I am amusing (or so I have been told) and am not a bad raconteur. In short, I can intimidate men who have their own self esteem issues.

I now have that spark of anger. I am posting this because this is how I feel. I have had to become my own hero and I realise no one will save me or slay my demons for me. I am not going to put up with anymore time wasting, bullshit and lies. I have reached my limit. I cannot save anyone only myself. I am going to do what is best for me whether that is physically, emotionally or spiritually. I will not be held to ransom by anyone ever again. At the moment because my work situation is in a state of flux and I could potentially be moving to Brisbane (fingers crossed!) it’s like I have become more protective of myself. I will not allow anyone to hurt me. It’s almost like being in a bubble. For example, I saw Quirky at the beginning of the week and normally when I see him I ask him how the week is traveling and we make plans to catch up. This week, I didn’t ask and he didn’t bring it up. He also hasn’t contacted me at all. Do I feel hurt or angry like I would have in the past? No I don’t because I have been busy working and I feel that if I haven’t crossed his mind at least once in the last six days to the point that he could have at least texted then ok I know where I stand. He obviously likes me but I am not really a priority in his life.

I have had to work quite hard this week and coming off the bat of a long weekend in Orange I have not had much spare time. I mean hell, I had not only last weeks but this weeks washing to do and a room that looks like a bombs hit it. I know when my living space gets cluttered that my mind is cluttered.

I had lunch with Huggy Bear on Saturday and he is a really busy man but he does send me regular texts. We had a great time chatting and I helped him pick up a birthday present for some dinner he had to go to. He is a really great guy and we like hanging out together but there is no reason to push things to any place any time soon.

I went out for cocktails at Kremlin and then danced the night away at Cube, the local gay nightclub last night which was really fun. They were celebrating the first gay marriages in Australia, which could be made void ab initio by the High Court of Australia in a week but if they don’t it may be worth becoming a divorce attorney. At least the transcripts of their divorces will make interesting reading lol!

Finally, there is another penpal from overseas purporting to be interested in meeting me. He asked me for my number two weeks ago and has called me three times from Europe. I had a flurry of communication and now…nothing. Well, I have been through these overseas thing before ( see the Canadian psychopath / IMOM and The German). Whilst I like what he is telling me when we communicate and he has explained he is really busy with his job at the moment I think it is rude not to reply to your emails. I have quit corresponding and will see what happens. Either he is on the line and honest or like the last two he is not. I suppose only time will tell.

On that note, I will end tonight’s very long chapter. I am looking forward to a new slate and new challenges in the new year. I am hoping that my life will change for the better as to be honest, I don’t know anyone who has tried as hard as I have to get the opportunity to have the job and home life they crave. However, in the words of the lovely Ms Perry –

“I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR!’

The Jojogrrl

Another OMG moment!

Tonight’s paragraph is brought to you by the letter F for F$8#, I think I dated my dad!

As this year draws to a close, I have dated a wide variety of men. There are some whom I remain in contact with as their company is interesting. I do not chronicle everything, however, I did have a HUGE AHA moment last week.

I had a particularly busy and interesting shift on Friday afternoon and had made plans to have a quick drink with a guy who had been trying to catch up with me for several months. It was on then off then off then on and anyway in the end I said I could probably catch a drink after work as I had plans for the rest of the weekend. I raced home and chucked the LBD on, brushed my plait out and heading to the HELLenic (HELL being the operative word). The Hellenic is not a place that I would frequent. It is mainly an older crowd and yes I realise that I am not 25 but I am not in my grave either! Rock n Roll from the 50s is not my bag man! So, I rock up and Country guy meets me at the door. He is very attractive, owns his own business and seems relatively interesting. We sit down for a drink and a chat. He is divorced with two small children. He then goes into a bitter, choked up rant about how his ex wife cheated on him and proceeds to batter my aural cavity with how life was so unfair. He is a great provider, owns his own home, has multiple cars etc.

He then says that she is keeping the children from him as she took a DVO (Domestic Violence Order) out on him and he can only collect the kids in a public place and (in his words) “Fuck her! I am not letting her win!” I asked him if he wanted to see his kids and he said he did so I replied that there was no winning in this situation and that he should suck it up for the sake of the kids. I think this went down like a fart in a wetsuit. He had a real love of Country and Western music which is probably the one type that if I had to say I detested a genre it would be up there with yodeling. He expressed the opinion that my taste in music was crap as it was doof doof music. I asked him if he had listened to different types and he said he knew what he liked and stuck to it. I then asked him how all this was working for him which he did not like at all. He wanted me to validate all his stuff and giving etc whereas possessions do not mean a great deal to me. Yes, it’s nice to own a car or house but experiencing life is more important I think. He thought I had wasted my life traveling and he had built assets and not been anywhere. He then pointed out that the ex was taking a lot of this so he felt bitter that he should have traveled so she didn’t get everything.

It was at this point that I went OMFG, I am dating my old man! This phenomenon has never in the history of me dating ever occurred. It was like I could see what my mother put up with. I could see the anger and the bitterness that my dad had for her on the face of this guy. When I tried to talk to him about how all this was affecting the kids as I personally endured all of this in my younger years, he told me that I know nothing as I don’t have kids. I know what it’s like to be a child growing up with an incredibly angry, bitter father who to this day remains angry and bitter to the point of isolating his children from himself. I told him that if he didn’t build a relationship with his children now he wouldn’t have one in the future citing my own non relationship with my father as a case in point.

We then had another drink when he caught sight of someone he particularly hated. He was going to have a fight. So, we had to leave to prevent this. All of this was a bit much and I ended the night in bed by 1am. This one will go in the file marked (all together, one, two, three – NEXT!)

I traveled inland to visit Matilda and LG in their new home. It was a lovely three hour trip and I had the sunroof down blasting my doof doof tunes to the sky. Matilda is going through a particularly hard time at the moment and as a close friend I wanted to be there for her. They say you can pick your friends but not your family and this is true. I am terribly upset for her situation. Not just the surface that everyone can see but the underlying issues that are plaguing her at the moment. I hope as a true friend I helped even if it was a little. LG’s mum was also there and we all had a ball at the local markets. I bought some fabulous doofing gear which I cannot wait to try out for Regrowth next year.

This weekend was a real eyeopener for me. Was I like that date awhile ago? Did I bore people to death with the litany of wrongs done to me (no, don’t answer that lol!)? My father, was and still is this man after so many years and neither of these two people seem to feel that they need help or have a problem. It was such an interesting experience seeing it from this side. I don’t have to wonder what my stepmonster felt every time my father brought up stuff about my mother as I have experienced this. It was funny because I actually felt sorry for the wife. I could see why she ran a mile because I intended to do the same. I also thought a lot about my close friends and family. I sometimes feel quite removed from people and am not confident in how people feel about me, so I become standoffish. Why do I do that? Mainly as a protection mechanism. If I don’t care you can’t hurt me. Life is a series of bumps, cuts, burns and bruises. I still do not have the answers for myself but I am trying so very hard to find out. All I know is that there are a small posse of people in this world that mean a great deal to me and regardless of time or distance whenever they need me I know I will do my very best to be there as they are what makes my life so much better.

This journey has taken some very unexpected roads so far. Who knows where it will lead me next. All I know is that I am not going to give up until I find the happiness I want to share with someone very special. I will not settle for someone who is just ok. So, if that means 57 cats await me then I had better start saving for the vet bills.

Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

Social intercourse with multiple partners lol!

Morning fellow travelers

Whilst my luck in the big city appears on one level to have hightailed it to the other side of the continent, I have had a rather pleasant week.  Of course work is always there to impede one’s social progress, however despite completing six shifts in a row I did manage three dates.  I went for coffee and brunch on friday with one guy who seems quite nice and must I say very tidy. Weirdly enough, we knew the same crew from Cairns which is about 3 days drive from here.  We exchanged numbers and maybe might catch up again.

I had my seventh shift cancelled on Saturday, so did a bit of retail therapy before heading over to Quirky’s.   We went out for dinner and headed back to his to imbibe several wines whilst impressing each other with our musical taste on YouTube.  The place looked like we had had a huge party after he accidentally broke the couch and then had to dismantle it lol!  Amongst all of this we did actually sit and talk as usual about a variety of subjects. That is one thing that I do like about him is that our conversation can be totally unpredictable.  We were having a conversation and I asked him what in his opinion is the difference between dating and friends with benefits as I won’t do the latter?  His reply was that dating had potential whereas FWB is stagnant and will never evolve. Mmmm file that one away for future reference.  This point was interesting to me as in the past I had fell for this arrangement thinking that the person involved would eventually see how wonderful I was. So, if from the beginning they knew that they would never pursue a relationship with you and that you were just something to bide the time with, either you had to think the same from the outset with them and thereby not care at all if you never progress or a bunch of hurt was heading your way. In my past this had occurred and as I obviously did not study the Rules of Engagement properly, I did get truly burned.

After a breakfast coffee, I headed back to mine to get ready for a picnic by the lake with Huggy Bear.  Before you ask why I picked this name I have to say that Movember brings out the 70s porn star in most blokes lol!  I got ready listening to Lana Del Rey and praying that the weather would hold.  HB turned up promptly to pick me up which I did rate. My biggest pet hate behind someone being a cheating, lying scumbag is not being punctual. I feel if you cannot turn up on time for your first date it shows disrespect and probably sets the tone for the whole time you are with someone.

We drove out to the lake whereby we got down to having a really great chat and a lovely picnic.  To be honest I haven’t had a picnic in a long time and this guy did give me five options to chose from for the date.  Kudos to him I say!  We are the same age (well he is 3 weeks older), share the same star sign and have both been married twice.  Thus we have a congruent background to come from.  Where we differ is that he has children.  I have never dated anyone with children before (other than the Canadian but his was an older teenager in Canada that I never met so I don’t think that counts).  We were on the same page about a variety of things and talked a lot about ourselves.  I think he was relieved that I was not interested in meeting his children and wouldn’t push for it unless there was a serious relationship.  As a child of divorce myself, I do not think that children should have a parade of ‘partners’ through their lives and unless a parent meets someone that potentially will become part of the family the children should be protected.  After several hours by the lake we went for a drink at Honky Tonks and then he drove me home.  As I got out of the car we decided we would like to catch up again and he gave me a kiss goodbye.  Scratchy porn star tash lol!

After I got inside I received a call from a guy that I hear from maybe once a year (or once every second year!) about this time of year.  I met him at a xmas party a few years back in another town. He is one of the most incredibly smart guys I have ever met.  That is a big turn on for me. I love an intelligent guy. He is very capable in his work life but incredibly shy in his private life.  In fact, initially I didn’t click as to who he was.  I don’t know about you guys but who keeps numbers they don’t ring in their phone for years? I know I don’t. I do a regular cull. We talked for an hour.  He is doing well and has moved to Brisvegas.  As I have just put in for a job there, maybe we will catch up again?  He definitely needs a bit of the Jojogrrl sparkle in his life.  All work and no play is incredibly boring but he is a little young for me to take seriously.  I have a line that any guy who is more than five years younger than me is not a serious contender for a relationship.  That way I can’t get hurt.  It is only the guys in my age bracket of five years either side that can do any potential damage.  So I am very vigilant about my feelings with them.

I don’t particularly want to move again.  I really like my place and am starting to get a bit of a life down here BUT I don’t want to nurse forever and I need a legal job.  Unfortunately the government has put a freeze on hiring and I just don’t have any experience in private practice to get a chance there.  I have applied to go to Brisvegas for a six month job which could lead to something more. I have met some guys down here that I like which could potentially kill that off but what do I do?  Do I stay here and hope the freeze is lifted and work as a nurse for longer (and at the moment who knows how long that could be?) or do I take another chance and move again?  Decisions, decisions!  Anyway, will cross that bridge if I get offered anything.

In the meantime, I was working in the Emergency Department last night and got talking to one of my patients who gave me a contact for some legal work in a department.  Nothing may be there until the new year but it is something. So, dear people, send all your positive thoughts my way that something good will turn up in the new year.  In the meantime, its just over three weeks until I go away for Xmas and the silly season is almost upon us.  With all the partying and drinking to come I can see the potential for all sorts of mischief lol!

With that in mind, until next time stay safe

The Jojogrrl

Vulnerability – Girly stuff!

Morning groovas,
I have been busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest this week. I am rostered on seven days in a row in the hope of getting some cash together for Xmas. I am going away to Kuala Lumpur for a week of fun in the sun. This is the third time lucky for me to actually get there as I have supposed to have been there with the Canadian but it never eventuated. The last time I was booked with him apparently his Saudi exit visa didn’t come through and he cancelled the day before. Just another trip to Disappointmentville. However, this time it’s booked and I am off. Thus you may have to do without me for a week or so whilst I go have some fun. I then have some options for New Year which I haven’t quite sorted yet. So, it will be an adventure for all of us.

What’s been happening you say? Well, other than the necessary evil of work I have had a few catch ups with my various male friends. I am trying to think of an appropriate collective for them. An ‘optimist’ of men? Or a ‘diversion’ of men? I don’t know. I have decided not to take any more on until the end of the year. As I am currently interacting with approximately ten of them in various stages of communication. I am finding this multidating thing is tricky even for me to keep tabs on. Thank God for the blog or I would be lost lol!

I have physically seen three of them this week which I think is quite a feat considering that I work permanent afternoons. I like each of them for various reasons. Catching up for coffee and interacting with another human being is wonderful. I like getting the male perspective on a variety of issues and actually, I just like male company. Hanging out with guys is very uncomplicated. Most of them don’t sweat the small stuff like women do. This is why I share house with two guys. There’s no arguments over washing up or hogging the bathroom.

However, all is not a whirl of dates and laughter for the Jojogrrl. I had to front up to the Attorney General’s Department last Friday to begin drafting an affidavit on the six years of physical and mental abuse I suffered whilst in the Defence Force. I was a naive 17 year old when I joined and so, because of lack of life experience I did not realise that I was being abused for a long time. Between that and a shocking tax bill I really did need a hug this week. Enter Quirky guy…

I am not used to being the damsel in distress as I am usually the one who slays my own dragons and basically gets shit done but even I was finding life a tad difficult this week. I am also potentially on the move again. As there are no legal jobs in this town for who knows how long (conservative estimates are at least February if not Easter!) I have applied for jobs in other states to try and get back into my legal career. All of this was on my mind. I finished up at the hospital and headed over to Quirky’s for a glass of wine. It was odd on the drive over it was like all this stuff hit me and I was tired after a busy shift.

He poured me a wine and I just spilled it all out and went all girly on him and burst into tears! Poor guy was not ready for that I am sure. I needed a hug. I buried my head in his shoulder and bawled my eyes out. Not just for the years of abuse, the disappointment at my work and the big tax bill but because I miss being close to someone. I miss being able to come home and talk to someone about my day and hear about theirs. I miss having plans whether small ones like what we would be doing on the weekend to where our next holiday will be? I miss having my partner in crime. Whilst I am dating and getting out which is fun I miss those times when you can just lie in the same bed on a sunday morning, each of you reading whatever but the silence is comfortable.

I stayed over and he cuddled me and I had the best sleep. I was warm and comfortable and as he is tall I fit in the crook of his arm. He listened which for a single person who works strange hours that is worth a lot. However, I have no idea what is going on in his head and he knows about the blog and my dates and is still fine with that. So, he is happy to take the gamble that I may find someone else in amongst all my other suitors.

I am honest and upfront. I tell each guy that I date that I write a blog and I am multidating until a mutual decision on exclusivity occurs. I know that this is unconventional and friends have said that potentially this will keep the barriers up as no one will take a chance to commit in case it all goes tits up. However, I cannot after a month or two go exclusive. It is too soon and has not worked out well in my experience. When a mutual decision is finally made with any (or none) of them it will be the right decision because other options will have been explored and it will be a decision made with free will and not because of desperation.

In the meantime, it felt good to be a girly for a change. Being vulnerable is hard. Showing that part of you that you hide from the world in a situation where you could potentially be rejected is difficult. Also I am a terrible crier. I go all blotchy and my nose runs and I look like a tired, cranky three year old who has just awoken from a nap. But, he didn’t mind…

Now what’s the agenda for the rest of my week? I have coffee tomorrow morning with a guy that I have been chatting to for ages but schedules have never matched up. I am seeing Quirky again after work on Saturday and on Sunday I am meeting Huggy Bear for the first time. A new one, you ask? No not really. We met online a few months ago but he disappeared for awhile as he was seeing someone. We appear to have the same type of humour. He has kids which potentially is great as I am not in the market to ruin my pelvic floors at this age and despite his looks seems not to be a serial killer (Damn Movember for making all men look like 70s porn stars!).

So, I am as vulnerable as the next person. It is hard to acknowledge that and it’s hard to reach out when you need someone to just be there but I did it. I am learning more and more about myself all the time. Gee, at this rate by the time a reach enlightenment I will end up dropping dead with my 56 cats surrounding me.

Whilst the dark clouds are over me at the moment, I have some rays of sunshine on the horizon. I truly believe my life will improve at some point. I have the professional smarts to work anywhere and I am a decent person with intelligence, wit and a beautiful pair of … eyes apparently. With that in mind I face another shift knowing that I have faced so many tough times and come through, so what’s one more?

Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl
xxx

The biggest lie of them all…

The easiest lie that rolls off the tongue. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I might be able to pay my tax bill lol!

thingsmyexsaid

To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.

I'll Call you

Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.

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