I have been inordinately busy in the last week or so. What with doing eight shifts in seven days and squeezing in the gym and dating I haven’t had time to scratch myself much less complete any writing!. So, the ‘friendzone’. Last installment I said I was dating Huggy Bear as he asked to see me on an exclusive basis. Sadly, we commenced date one with a picnic and ended at the same spot at date six with a picnic. Basically, after asking for exclusive rights, he decided when he got them he really didn’t want them after all. He said he had a ‘gut feeling’ we wouldn’t work out. However, we are now in the ‘friendzone’ ie arctic wasteland of relationships past. I sent him an email and told him I could drop the facade of being nice now and he could meet the real me lol! Furthermore, I would periodically hit him up for his single friends and I also told him he is the only guy I have dated in a protracted manner and never slept with. I think he was a little shocked and disappointed but c’est la vie. As a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
Then I decided that I would give the old speed dating a go. As I was so popular last time I thought ‘what the hell?’ I arrived at the Unibar a little early as I was having a drink with a friend and then went up for speed dating. There were seven of us. I was open to meeting five of the seven again but only got the numbers of two. I didn’t contact either. One contacted me and because of work we were supposed to catch up today. I left him a message to find out what was happening and then he left a message back saying that he went on a date on Thursday and was pursuing that! WTF?! I mean, I have never met a guy who goes on one date and then drops all others. Man, she must be a princess whose dad owns a brewery for an Aussie bloke to make up his mind so quickly lol!
Between the speed dating and Valentine’s Day, I had a breakfast date with shall we call him Napoleon? Napoleon is an army officer. He is reasonably attractive and knows it but is a little on the short side hence the name. We had a very nice brunch and talked non stop for about two hours. Prior to my leaving I asked him if he was interested in catching up again to which he replied that he had a ‘gut feeling’ that we wouldn’t work out. WTF??? Two in one month? What is it with these men and their ‘gut feelings’? I then received a text saying that he was sure about this but he then made (and broke) a date with me for after work on Valentine’s day.
With all this going on with Napoleon, I was surprised to find a text on my phone from Body Dismorphic Guy. Remember, he was the one I met when out with Matilda a few months ago? Anyway, the first and last time I met him, I said if he wanted to see me he had to ask me out properly which he never did. HE then proceeded to ask by text if I wanted to be fwb? WTF???!!! He even asked in an apologetic manner. I mean REALLY? He sends me a couple of texts and thinks I would be ok with this? He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship as he had personal issues to deal with. So, in other words he is looking for an unpaid whore? I told him I would pass on the opportunity thank you very much as this is just a big time waster for me and all that would happen is that I would get used until he found something more to his liking. I was really pissed about this. I mean FFS! BY TEXT?!
After these two I was feeling marginally pissed off when I got home. I had had a cute 33 year old chippy contact me on pof for virtually the same thing prior to me getting off the site in recent times due to Huggy Bear. ‘Right’, I thought. ‘If this is what I am getting I might as well order something much more to my liking!’ I left work to dash home and have a quick tidy up and shower. In the middle of this activity Napoleon texts. Apparently he had finished his plans for V Day and was home early. I texted back that I had a cute 33 year old tradie coming over to sweep the cobwebs. He said he could have done that and I replied that he was not interested so I found someone who was. He commenced a texting marathon. I hit pause when said chippy turned up. He was cute and just like his pic. After he left, I replied to Napoleon and then we continued this marathon. He doesn’t want a relationship with me due to his gut but his dick is quite happy with fwb! ‘Not happening,’ I said. ‘Why, when you just did that?’ he replied. This is my answer. I don’t seriously date guys under 35 so as far as I am concerned there is no chance ever of a relationship so I won’t get hurt. Also, as one nighters or fwb is only short term I would much rather get something younger and hotter. Truth is, guys do it all the time. I want to date someone in my age group properly but if its only a fleeting thing then uber hot wins every time. Having a fling with a hot young thing is like taking a Ferrari for a test drive. Lots of fun but you know you can’t keep it.
I woke up on Saturday morning feeling pretty good. Matilda was arriving. I was going out with her and a bunch of friends to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my 21st. We were hitting the Hyatt for a Madhatter’s afternoon tea. I was the Queen of Tarts. We sipped champers and grazed and thoroughly had a great time. Prior to leaving we went for cocktails and I, of course got my first of many espresso martinis. We then went to town to the Treehouse for more drinkies before heading to the local meat market Mooseheads. We stayed for an hour or so before heading to the local gay club Cube.
Cube is fantastic! The music is great and there are sights to behold. I was surrounded by gorgeous, young men dancing up a storm! It was just like being in a Kylie Minogue film clip. The friends thinned out until it was just Matilda and I. I remember sitting at one stage and a strange man in a Hello Kitty pink shirt and tutu came to sit and talk to us. We danced some more and then I went to the ladies and saw a huge very underdressed trannie wearing the shortest daisy dukes (they were almost a belt) as well as a dwarf (not that there’s anything wrong with short people but it was a very surreal experience). I walked into my toilet cubicle and just had to have a moment to absorb what I was seeing. The poster on the back of the door was moving. How much had I imbibed? Did I really see a dwarf? She had amazing shoes lol!
Matilda found $50. Bargain! More drinks! We danced some more until our feet hurt and then we found a lovely bed to lie on, on the outskirts of the dancefloor. The whole room is surrounded by these double beds. We were both bemoaning our sore feet when this foot fetishist came by and started massaging them for us. It was almost like we asked and the universe provided. Matilda was quite amused at me writhing around in pain on the bed whilst the fetishist did his work.
After about half and hour of this we decided that we had imbibed enough and we should escape bat country for home before sunrise. We hopped a cab and I managed to direct us home. We sat up and talked as the moon moved in and out of focus. I had a really amazing birthday surrounded by my friends and honestly did not want to go home. I had taken several layers of skin off my feet wearing a fabulous pair of wedgewood blue heels but hell it was worth it.
This is the last day of my 40th year. I have had some experiences, good, bad and just plain weird. I wonder what this year will bring? Whatever it is, I know I can handle it. I am a fabulous, intelligent, funny and sexy woman. Bring it on I say!
Until next time, stay safe