Here’s another exciting chapter from the fingers of the Jojogrrl. I will start by discussing Torquemada. I was contacted several months ago online by this guy but he took up another much more inviting offer and thus we never met. Anyway, after I reposted my profile he emailed me asking how I had been. This was unbeknownst to me the first of many questions. He rang me after work last tuesday. We talked for FOUR hours! He asked me all sort of stuff. He then requested that I see him on wednesday which I could not as I had other plans which I could not break (shall we say one needs to scratch an itch occasionally lol?) and so we decided to meet for a drink after work on thursday.
Thursday comes and I leave work like the proverbial bat out of hell and rush home to chuck some clothes on before he came by to pick me up. I wore my jeans and stiletto boots which made me about 2 inches taller than him but I like wearing heels when I can. We headed into town as his workmates were all drinking in Manuka. We got to Kremlin whereby we ordered some drinks and sat down to talk. He is instantly on at me about health policy. FFS! I had just finished my five shifts and I just wanted to wind down and chill out. He then asks me a raft of all sorts of questions. When I said to him I didn’t know much about him he said what would I like to know? Well, quite frankly I don’t know what I don’t know. He even asked me if he would make it to the blog AND tells me he facebook stalked me and knows my full name etc. Note to self, be careful dealing with IT nerds.
We ended up at Kingos for another drink and towards the end he asks me if I have made up my mind. On what? Well, are we acquaintances, friends, friends with benefits, lovers or in a relationship? WTF?? I have spoken to this guy about 6 hours in total and he wants to know if I am going to give up my freedom? I explained to him that I mulitdate and until the mutually exclusive discussion takes place what I do and what he does has no bearing on anything, He didn’t like this and says he objects to being an ‘also ran’. There is no ‘also ran’ there is just a bunch of guys I am getting to know and they are getting to know me. Also he has kids, so when he is playing Daddy I think the partner (ie me) is supposed to stay at home watching tv awaiting to fill a slot in his life where he wants it. Not this little black duck! I don’t mind if someone has children and I understand that it takes time before you are integrated into that part of their life BUT I will not be treated like a time filler i.e they have a couple of hours free in their otherwise busy lives and need to fill the void until the kids or work or their mates come by.
Anyway, I said to him why don’t we start off being friends? He didn’t like that. When I got home and went inside, I had barely had chance to take off said stilettos when he called and asked if I had considered what he said. I said I had not and he said he had enough friends and that the ball is in my court. I have only one answer to this…NEXT!
I then had some amusing correspondence with Houdini. He was a cute European guy who seemed to have travelled as much as I and after a few emails back and forth we seemed to have a lot in common. He rang me on friday night just as I was on my way out to go party with my girls to arrange dinner on saturday. He seemed rather keen. He texted me the details on saturday and I arrived as usual about 10 mins early. We went into the restaurant and I ordered a wine. He ordered juice (?). We then proceeded with dinner and he talked a lot about himself. We seemed to get along and after the main course I asked him if he wanted to get a drink after dinner. He declined as he had something to do on sunday. In the course of our conversation I asked him if he actually had room in his life for a relationship. I don’t think he is so sure. We finished much to my dismay quite early for a saturday night 2130. I kissed him on the cheek goodnight and we left. He didn’t even offer to walk me to my car. I sent him a text saying thanks for a lovely evening hope to see you again sometime. There was no reply. I went online and he has removed his profile. I texted him the next day and said even if he didn’t want to be romantic it was nice meeting him and we could just be friends. No reply to that either. It is like he has been abducted by aliens!
I don’t mind if someone doesn’t like me. We all have our definite opinions on people. I am one of those that you either like or hate on site I suspect. However, what he did was rude and cowardly. It seems to have become the norm with guys. I was speaking to a coworker this week and she said that lots of guys do this because they think it’s kinder and less hurtful. WTF?? I think it’s cowardly and they need to grow some balls!
So, here’s my week in extremes – either a man who is trying to dissect every thought from my brain and interpret it OR the man who is so scared of me that he runs a mile! In the past, I would probably have been really upset but as I go in to every meeting to actually meet friends first and see where it goes I don’t mind. In fact, I am relieved as I have not wasted my time and effort on what is obviously a douchebag. They have declared themselves early and saved me a lot of hassle. In fact, this has just reinforced to me the sensibleness of multidating. By hanging out with various people and not putting any pressure on your time with them you are not putting yourself out there to get hurt or taking things further than they need to go with someone as the pressure to make a relationship from potentially nothing is not there. If, I had been the old me and dropped everything for Torquemada I would probably have found out within a month that he is inflexible and as far as he is concerned its ‘my way or the highway’. Houdini wants a stepford wife who will wait faithfully for him whilst he is off here, there and everywhere around the globe doing whatever it is he does. Then when he wants someone to be there you had better be or else!
So, I haven’t lost anything by not having contact with either of these prize asshats! This weekend I’m going to catch up with some friends and chill the hell out! Might even do some serious writing and a bit of DIY.
A final postscript. After all this excitement I get a call from a boyfriend (aquaintance? shag?) from yesteryear. He takes up most of my sunday night telling me basically that I am the one who got away and that he has thought of me often (well not necessarily me per se but definitely as he puts it so romantically ‘my rack’) What a charmer! He says that he thinks I would produce gorgeous, intelligent children with him. Hold the bus right fucking there! One, we haven’t seen each other since the 1990s and two I am not going to be producing any children any time soon. As I have said before I have outsourced that so as not to ruin my pelvic floor. He tells me since I last saw him he has gotten really rich. So what? I cannot be bought. It is almost as if he wants me to say, yeah sure I will come and visit and get knocked up and you can look after me. What about me? What about my life here? All non consequential. Anyway, he says he wants to visit so I call his bluff and say I am free this weekend. He would have to drive a few hours. I told him we would talk later in the week. Well, I send him a text on monday and he says he’s on call all weekend! I say to him that I have worked shift for a hell of a lot of years and you can swap shifts but that he has run true to form. Another man with no balls! Too afraid of rejection or too afraid that it will work out to even come and see me for old time’s sake. He was a coward in the 1990s and still remains so I think. I live by ‘Carpe Diem’ and ‘Who Dares WIns’. If you are not prepared to put yourself on the line you don’t deserve the prize AND you can’t bitch when your life sucks!
I want a man who isn’t afraid to put himself out there, who wants to meet someone who will be part of his life and he will be part of theirs. I want someone who has some balls and also has manners and is honest and trustworthy. So, Torquemada, you asked me what I wanted and there it is. Not too much to ask for, I don’t think?
Til next time funsters, stay safe…