Tonight’s blogspot is brought to you by the letters FK and U!
So, funsters I am back after my short hiatus. Oh, dear! Obviously it has hit the skids. So soon? I must hold some sort of record though to be honest most men get to between weeks 4 and 6 then hit the speed wobbles. I met the faker just after my birthday and even mentioned him in my last post. We seemed to be on the same page and seemed to have fun. However, there was one big issue that loomed above our happiness. Is it a mad ex wife? Is he a fugitive from justice? Was this an episode of the Crying Game and he was really a woman? None of the above. The difficulty was he had some what should be temporary health problems which meant that our friendship could not progress shall we say. I did not mind this. In fact it was refreshing (and occasionally frustrating) to be with a man that did not want to get into my knickers at the earliest possible opportunity and so, I let my guard down.
I started to like him. I missed his company when he wasn’t around. I enjoyed just hanging out and talking to him and doing stuff like movies and drinks and just watching dvds. This was like being in a normal relationship. However, as I know in my life all good things get trampled and come to an end and I end up on my own scratching my head wondering what the fuck happened? It pretty much started after we went out last weekend. He got a text whilst we were out and then hid it from me. I saw it was someone wanting to meet. He came back to mine but left to Skype his family which I thought was odd. He said he would come back but then didn’t which was very strange as his power had been cut off at his apartment so you would think he would rather sleep next to me and have a hot shower and coffee in the morning.
The next day I sent a couple of texts and called and he didn’t respond. I got a bit of a response on tuesday, nothing wednesday and then a call on thursday which seemed like everything was ok. We were supposed to see each other on friday but due to the cyclone his plane was delayed and was going to be really late. He said he would let me know when he came in and then we could do breakfast on saturday as I was working. I didn’t get a text or a call or anything and went to work on saturday afternoon. He then posts on fb that he only woke up at 230pm and obviously his plans were cancelled for the day. I liked that on fb and did I get an apology or anything? NO! I tried to get hold of him – nothing he was not answering his calls. Seemed very strange to me as he is glued to his phone normally.
On sunday I went to brunch with a friend and had my shift cancelled. I texted him and rang and got no reply. I then did some digging and found that all along whilst with me he had been on at least two dating sites! I even sent him a kiss on one of them so he knows I know. So, all the times I can’t get hold of him I assume he was probably with someone else! I realise that we are not in love but I liked him and began to place trust in him. He is probably the first person I have placed trust with for a very long time. He was not the usual type of guy that I have dated because my therapist said I should try different types as obviously the type I go for isn’t working. My deduction now is that if my usual type is crap and other types are crap then they all must be crap and I should not expend my emotions on them
I tried contacting him and eventually sent a text asking him if he wanted me to collect my stuff? I received no reply to anything! I went to work today and when I got home I found a text from him dumping me! He couldn’t even do the right thing and talk to me in an honest way. I am sick to death of cowards dumping me by text! I have no idea what I did this time around because we have not talked.
This is another opportunity to learn. If you burn your hand in the fire, you don’t place your hand there again. I keep getting burned by men because I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I have to stop thinking this way. I have now got to realise that no one wants to be with me and as such I will not get burned because I know from the outset that nothing is forever. Now I have managed to get my head around that I am starting to kill off all hope of ever meeting someone. This in itself is freeing because I know that all guys want are friends with benefits. So, if I sleep with anyone its because I want sex, not love. Love exists amongst family and true friends it does not exist in the dating world. Coming to this conclusion will help me cut across the bullshit that gets sent my way. The bare facts are all men are looking for an unpaid whore and housekeeper and I don’t want to be either. As I said to one once ‘fucking and cooking are two Chinese cities I won’t necessarily visit with you!’
I think this worm has finally turned. I think I am going to start dishing out the same behaviour that I receive from men. Maybe I will answer my messages, maybe I won’t? Maybe I will date you but shag someone else? Maybe it’s time to not give a fuck to get a fuck? I swear that this time is the last time I will care about anyone else. I am going to be selfish now and do what I want. Whatever makes me feel great and fuck anyone else’s feelings. I am SO ANGRY at being dumped AGAIN by text! This is the last time that is ever happening because I am going to be the one to do it in future. I will cut someone off in an instant if I get one hint of fuckwittery
So, maybe this will be another turning point in the long and winding road that is my life.
Until next time dear readers, stay safe