I have not written for a couple of weeks for a few reasons. I am packing up to move yet again, working far too hard and dah dah daahhh have left the internet dating sites! OMFG you did what? What’s going on? Have I finally thrown in the towel and bought my crazy cat lady starter kit? Am I out of my mind? None of the above. After the enlightening week of the fwb offers I decided that I really needed to just stop. I was, in the words of my judgmental friend ‘jaded’. I had auditioned enough and been on enough dates that were tougher than job interviews and much less engaging then a visit to the gynaecologist to decide that I needed some peace and quiet.
I am currently pursuing employment more to my liking here in the capital and what with writing interminable ‘selection criteria’, planning the novel which could take longer than a child to gestate at this pace and just plain working I really did not want to waste my precious downtime on douchebags. So, I deleted my profiles and left a couple of messages to some guys I was already talking to and bid farewell. I actually feel a sense of relief and peace.
This does not mean that I have now settled in to watching SBS foreign film wearing a food stained dressing gown whilst drowning my sorrows in vodka tempting though this is. Nope, it means I am concentrating on other areas of my life at the moment. I really want that legal or policy job in the public service. I worked damn hard to get my legal qualifications and want to use them. I also want to try and write an interesting novel that other people may one day recommend to their friends.
Isn’t it strange how a change of mindset changes one’s whole perspective? After having this epiphany I decided that whomever I meet next will just have to like it or lump it. Admittedly over the past year I have tried to be accommodating to men and their baggage. I have been understanding and willing to make excuses for their bad manners and lack of care or attention. However, as I am much more accepting of my single status and quite frankly don’t care what they think it has given me the freedom to do and say what I like. This doesn’t mean I have completely lost what little social filter I have but it means that I am not looking for any kind of approval or validation for my existence.
It is at this conjecture that I have actually met an interesting prospect. Now, I am not going to discuss it in any great length here for the following reasons:
1. Whenever I have written anything about anyone that I thought may become positive here, it has been like the ‘kiss of death’ and literally within minutes it has been over;
2. We have only seen each other twice. Albeit it has been fun but this does not mean I am eloping to Gretna Green or Las Vegas anytime soon;
3. Don’t want to actually analyse anything at the moment. The trouble with me is that I think too hard and don’t always live in the moment and that is something that I am trying to rectify;
4. I know he is reading this as I speak and feel that I need to maintain some mystery (Ha! You didn’t see that coming now did you eh?)
So, I will be taking a little hiatus to sort out some practical and personal details in my life for a couple of weeks or so and then who knows what I will be up to.
Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of my life lol!
Until next time, stay safe