Monthly Archives: January 2014

10 years of purgatory – you get less for murder these days!

Evening peeps, long time no hear eh?  Well the last several weeks have been interesting to say the least.  I had a little sojourn to Malaysia for a break and came back to celebrate new year with friends before commencing on the hamster wheel of work.  That’s all well and good you say but what else?

On New Years Day I had a very interesting realisation.  If I had stayed married to my first husband that would have been our 20th wedding anniversary!  Far out!!  This lead me to actually thinking about my life since leaving him.  The one thing that stuck out to me was that for a decade I have put up with cheating, lying bastards!  From the chef to the psychotic Canadian (PC) it seems that I attracted this scum.  Why?  I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my past and so I really took a long, hard look at myself.  Throughout my whole life I have been very impulsive when it comes to men. I have fallen fast and hard and given so much often to be disappointed in the end.  Could one say I have had a disappointment of men up to now lol?  PC accused me of ‘blitzkrieging’ into his life as I am very full on.  Maybe this is the issue?  Maybe I am too enthusiastic from the beginning?  This lead me to the idea of multidating that way I can hedge my bets and not put any one guy under pressure. That was my thoughts last year and I thought it would solve my problem.  See, I am always trying to find solutions to the hard questions. This seemed like the best logical approach until I met one Huggy Bear.

I met him a few months ago and we had seen each other a few times.  We get along really well and I was determined to start with a new game plan.  The definition of insanity is expecting a different outcome from doing the exact same things.  So, we met, we had a couple of dates and then the holiday season wiped out any spare time for either of us. I had started dating him and even told him about this blog which appeared not to phase him.  We went out in public in the day so there was absolutely no chance of any behaviour that may frighten the horses lol!  We went about our business and sent each other texts and that was that.  Then we arranged date number three – after work drinks.

As it was after work for him and I had been off all day I had plenty of time to decide what the hell to wear.  Always a problem.  Am I having a fat day?  What is clean?  Where am I going?  What if there’s a chance of him being dressed up?  So, after conferring with Matilda and trying on several outfits I decided a dress would do with a nice pair of patent slingbacks.  I drove to Manuka a little early and then found to my horror that I had forgotten my phone!  That feeling of utter annoyance when you reach into your bag and find it’s not there! Oh well too late now.  I tottered over to Alchemy and proceeded to obtain a sav blanc whilst chatting to the barman.  HB turned up only a couple of minutes late. Unfortunately, due to my time in the military I am a stickler for being punctual.  I always attempt to be at least 5-10 minutes early or I start worrying about being late and I hate being late.

We sat on a comfy couch and we had a great time chatting. We were even mirroring each others body language which I have been assured is a good thing. Now this was where it got interesting as it appears HB was put off by my multidating even when I explained the rationale.  The whole idea of multidating I suppose if I was honest was to hedge my bets against putting in a lot of time with one guy and then it going pearshaped and me having to start from square one as I had with the Hermit and the Scientist.  This was where I then had to take a deep breath and think what I wanted to do next.  So, I said to him that if I was asked to be exclusive with one person I would give it a go.  He asked me if I would and then says that he feels a bit bad as he is looking after his kids for three weeks and can’t really see me.  Of course I was disappointed. I really would like to get to know him better but there is no point in getting upset about the situation. It is what it is.  I then set a 10 date moratorium on anything sexual.  WTF you all say!  This is not the Jojogirl we know and love.  In fact I surprised myself as I have never done anything like this in my life.  The 10th date doesn’t guarantee it either. I liken it to powering up to the next level on an Xbox game.  The potential becomes available but not necessarily straight away.  I am sure my friends are taking bets as to how long this will last lol!

I went home and actually deleted, not hid my profile on pof.  Pof charge people to hide but of course it’s free to delete and I figure that I should do the right thing. No point being there if I am not going to fully participate.  With a bit of juggling, I managed to get a quick drink after work with HB the following Tuesday.   On Monday this week he snuck out for brunch with me.  I must say I give him big brownie points for that.  Whilst we ate we discussed the merits of the Tuesday meeting and whether or not it constitutes a ‘date’.  I had to concede that as it had the elements of a date i.e. a meeting between two romantically interested people where we interacted on a social level whilst imbibing our choice of alcoholic drink. He just thinks I potentially want to get laid on my birthday which is mid February lol!  There could be a grain of truth to this assertion, however, I said to him at Alchemy that how long it takes to get to ten is up to him.  It could be by or before February or it could take several more months. Touche! Though I should be up for date six next week.

So, does this mean I have an official ‘boyfriend’?  I don’t know. We don’t communicate every day.  We never speak on the phone.  We have only just become facebook friends.  I have sent one email and not received a reply as yet.  Bloody instant communication!  In the past you had an excuse as to why someone may not get back to you but now if you text or email it’s almost expected that you get something almost straight away and if you don’t what does that mean?  However, I am not playing these games with myself or anyone else this decade.  I am sure he knows that I like him and it’s up to him how he feels about me.  Nagging or railroading or guilting him into spending time with me will not make this work.

I am very mindful that he does have children.  I was a child of a bitter divorce and once my sperm donor got hitched to the stepmonster I never had time with him again.  To be fair I do not blame her entirely as if he had wanted to play a part in my life he would have.  So, I would not wish that on any child.  I really like the fact that he does put his children first.  That shows great character in my mind and he has also shown by sneaking time with me that he would like to get to know me. 

I just know that I don’t want to feel the deep sadness of the last decade.  Of being betrayed by bastards that were not worth my time in the first place.  I want a healthy relationship with someone who loves me as much as I love them and I cannot get that the way I have previously approached things.  Will HB and I work? I don’t know.  Hell, I don’t know when I will hear from him most of the time.  Does that worry me?  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my old insecurities occasionally rear their ugly heads.  All I know is that for once, I don’t want to ruin it.  This doesn’t mean that I will be a pushover or sell out my own beliefs just to have someone. It does mean that I would like to start a relationship with great foundations. I would like to get to know this guy and for him to get to know me with all my imperfections.

Just because I am attempting to date a very interesting, funny, sexy guy who, other than a few kisses I have not done anything with or seen in any state of undress does not mean the end of the blog.  As I said in the beginning, I want to explore the issues all of us face when attempting to date or be in a relationship.  Whether you are gay, straight or a bit bent I hope that there will be something here that you can relate to and maybe have a laugh to.

The other big news funsters is that I have joined a creative writing group.  I am going to attempt to write a novel. There, I have put it out there into the ethernet so I cannot back down from it now.  I was hoping this blog would help me find my creative voice and it has lead me to a couple of groups of likeminded people.  Just think, maybe in the future you may be able to say “I knew her before she became mainstream”.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogirl

Stepmother Wisdom

What the books don't tell you!

JudgyBitch

The radical notion that women are adults

Shrink4Men

Helping Men Break Free from Abusive Relationships Since 2009

Trendslator

AN ENGLISHWOMAN IN BERLIN

MYPOTL.COM

Your Music Destination

FlirtyinFrance

The dating diary of an English rose in la belle France

joeseeberblog

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

Jerrica's Jerks

From one lush to another, What. The. F*ck.

The Office Inbetweener

SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT FOR A 9 TO 5...

Matt on Not-WordPress

Stuff and things.

thingsmyexsaid

Yep . . .That IS what he said.

The Life and Times of Nathan Badley...

just like Moby Dick, but shorter and less whale-oriented.

The Bookshelf of Emily J.

life~lessons~literature