Monthly Archives: November 2013

Social intercourse with multiple partners lol!

Morning fellow travelers

Whilst my luck in the big city appears on one level to have hightailed it to the other side of the continent, I have had a rather pleasant week.  Of course work is always there to impede one’s social progress, however despite completing six shifts in a row I did manage three dates.  I went for coffee and brunch on friday with one guy who seems quite nice and must I say very tidy. Weirdly enough, we knew the same crew from Cairns which is about 3 days drive from here.  We exchanged numbers and maybe might catch up again.

I had my seventh shift cancelled on Saturday, so did a bit of retail therapy before heading over to Quirky’s.   We went out for dinner and headed back to his to imbibe several wines whilst impressing each other with our musical taste on YouTube.  The place looked like we had had a huge party after he accidentally broke the couch and then had to dismantle it lol!  Amongst all of this we did actually sit and talk as usual about a variety of subjects. That is one thing that I do like about him is that our conversation can be totally unpredictable.  We were having a conversation and I asked him what in his opinion is the difference between dating and friends with benefits as I won’t do the latter?  His reply was that dating had potential whereas FWB is stagnant and will never evolve. Mmmm file that one away for future reference.  This point was interesting to me as in the past I had fell for this arrangement thinking that the person involved would eventually see how wonderful I was. So, if from the beginning they knew that they would never pursue a relationship with you and that you were just something to bide the time with, either you had to think the same from the outset with them and thereby not care at all if you never progress or a bunch of hurt was heading your way. In my past this had occurred and as I obviously did not study the Rules of Engagement properly, I did get truly burned.

After a breakfast coffee, I headed back to mine to get ready for a picnic by the lake with Huggy Bear.  Before you ask why I picked this name I have to say that Movember brings out the 70s porn star in most blokes lol!  I got ready listening to Lana Del Rey and praying that the weather would hold.  HB turned up promptly to pick me up which I did rate. My biggest pet hate behind someone being a cheating, lying scumbag is not being punctual. I feel if you cannot turn up on time for your first date it shows disrespect and probably sets the tone for the whole time you are with someone.

We drove out to the lake whereby we got down to having a really great chat and a lovely picnic.  To be honest I haven’t had a picnic in a long time and this guy did give me five options to chose from for the date.  Kudos to him I say!  We are the same age (well he is 3 weeks older), share the same star sign and have both been married twice.  Thus we have a congruent background to come from.  Where we differ is that he has children.  I have never dated anyone with children before (other than the Canadian but his was an older teenager in Canada that I never met so I don’t think that counts).  We were on the same page about a variety of things and talked a lot about ourselves.  I think he was relieved that I was not interested in meeting his children and wouldn’t push for it unless there was a serious relationship.  As a child of divorce myself, I do not think that children should have a parade of ‘partners’ through their lives and unless a parent meets someone that potentially will become part of the family the children should be protected.  After several hours by the lake we went for a drink at Honky Tonks and then he drove me home.  As I got out of the car we decided we would like to catch up again and he gave me a kiss goodbye.  Scratchy porn star tash lol!

After I got inside I received a call from a guy that I hear from maybe once a year (or once every second year!) about this time of year.  I met him at a xmas party a few years back in another town. He is one of the most incredibly smart guys I have ever met.  That is a big turn on for me. I love an intelligent guy. He is very capable in his work life but incredibly shy in his private life.  In fact, initially I didn’t click as to who he was.  I don’t know about you guys but who keeps numbers they don’t ring in their phone for years? I know I don’t. I do a regular cull. We talked for an hour.  He is doing well and has moved to Brisvegas.  As I have just put in for a job there, maybe we will catch up again?  He definitely needs a bit of the Jojogrrl sparkle in his life.  All work and no play is incredibly boring but he is a little young for me to take seriously.  I have a line that any guy who is more than five years younger than me is not a serious contender for a relationship.  That way I can’t get hurt.  It is only the guys in my age bracket of five years either side that can do any potential damage.  So I am very vigilant about my feelings with them.

I don’t particularly want to move again.  I really like my place and am starting to get a bit of a life down here BUT I don’t want to nurse forever and I need a legal job.  Unfortunately the government has put a freeze on hiring and I just don’t have any experience in private practice to get a chance there.  I have applied to go to Brisvegas for a six month job which could lead to something more. I have met some guys down here that I like which could potentially kill that off but what do I do?  Do I stay here and hope the freeze is lifted and work as a nurse for longer (and at the moment who knows how long that could be?) or do I take another chance and move again?  Decisions, decisions!  Anyway, will cross that bridge if I get offered anything.

In the meantime, I was working in the Emergency Department last night and got talking to one of my patients who gave me a contact for some legal work in a department.  Nothing may be there until the new year but it is something. So, dear people, send all your positive thoughts my way that something good will turn up in the new year.  In the meantime, its just over three weeks until I go away for Xmas and the silly season is almost upon us.  With all the partying and drinking to come I can see the potential for all sorts of mischief lol!

With that in mind, until next time stay safe

The Jojogrrl

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Vulnerability – Girly stuff!

Morning groovas,
I have been busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest this week. I am rostered on seven days in a row in the hope of getting some cash together for Xmas. I am going away to Kuala Lumpur for a week of fun in the sun. This is the third time lucky for me to actually get there as I have supposed to have been there with the Canadian but it never eventuated. The last time I was booked with him apparently his Saudi exit visa didn’t come through and he cancelled the day before. Just another trip to Disappointmentville. However, this time it’s booked and I am off. Thus you may have to do without me for a week or so whilst I go have some fun. I then have some options for New Year which I haven’t quite sorted yet. So, it will be an adventure for all of us.

What’s been happening you say? Well, other than the necessary evil of work I have had a few catch ups with my various male friends. I am trying to think of an appropriate collective for them. An ‘optimist’ of men? Or a ‘diversion’ of men? I don’t know. I have decided not to take any more on until the end of the year. As I am currently interacting with approximately ten of them in various stages of communication. I am finding this multidating thing is tricky even for me to keep tabs on. Thank God for the blog or I would be lost lol!

I have physically seen three of them this week which I think is quite a feat considering that I work permanent afternoons. I like each of them for various reasons. Catching up for coffee and interacting with another human being is wonderful. I like getting the male perspective on a variety of issues and actually, I just like male company. Hanging out with guys is very uncomplicated. Most of them don’t sweat the small stuff like women do. This is why I share house with two guys. There’s no arguments over washing up or hogging the bathroom.

However, all is not a whirl of dates and laughter for the Jojogrrl. I had to front up to the Attorney General’s Department last Friday to begin drafting an affidavit on the six years of physical and mental abuse I suffered whilst in the Defence Force. I was a naive 17 year old when I joined and so, because of lack of life experience I did not realise that I was being abused for a long time. Between that and a shocking tax bill I really did need a hug this week. Enter Quirky guy…

I am not used to being the damsel in distress as I am usually the one who slays my own dragons and basically gets shit done but even I was finding life a tad difficult this week. I am also potentially on the move again. As there are no legal jobs in this town for who knows how long (conservative estimates are at least February if not Easter!) I have applied for jobs in other states to try and get back into my legal career. All of this was on my mind. I finished up at the hospital and headed over to Quirky’s for a glass of wine. It was odd on the drive over it was like all this stuff hit me and I was tired after a busy shift.

He poured me a wine and I just spilled it all out and went all girly on him and burst into tears! Poor guy was not ready for that I am sure. I needed a hug. I buried my head in his shoulder and bawled my eyes out. Not just for the years of abuse, the disappointment at my work and the big tax bill but because I miss being close to someone. I miss being able to come home and talk to someone about my day and hear about theirs. I miss having plans whether small ones like what we would be doing on the weekend to where our next holiday will be? I miss having my partner in crime. Whilst I am dating and getting out which is fun I miss those times when you can just lie in the same bed on a sunday morning, each of you reading whatever but the silence is comfortable.

I stayed over and he cuddled me and I had the best sleep. I was warm and comfortable and as he is tall I fit in the crook of his arm. He listened which for a single person who works strange hours that is worth a lot. However, I have no idea what is going on in his head and he knows about the blog and my dates and is still fine with that. So, he is happy to take the gamble that I may find someone else in amongst all my other suitors.

I am honest and upfront. I tell each guy that I date that I write a blog and I am multidating until a mutual decision on exclusivity occurs. I know that this is unconventional and friends have said that potentially this will keep the barriers up as no one will take a chance to commit in case it all goes tits up. However, I cannot after a month or two go exclusive. It is too soon and has not worked out well in my experience. When a mutual decision is finally made with any (or none) of them it will be the right decision because other options will have been explored and it will be a decision made with free will and not because of desperation.

In the meantime, it felt good to be a girly for a change. Being vulnerable is hard. Showing that part of you that you hide from the world in a situation where you could potentially be rejected is difficult. Also I am a terrible crier. I go all blotchy and my nose runs and I look like a tired, cranky three year old who has just awoken from a nap. But, he didn’t mind…

Now what’s the agenda for the rest of my week? I have coffee tomorrow morning with a guy that I have been chatting to for ages but schedules have never matched up. I am seeing Quirky again after work on Saturday and on Sunday I am meeting Huggy Bear for the first time. A new one, you ask? No not really. We met online a few months ago but he disappeared for awhile as he was seeing someone. We appear to have the same type of humour. He has kids which potentially is great as I am not in the market to ruin my pelvic floors at this age and despite his looks seems not to be a serial killer (Damn Movember for making all men look like 70s porn stars!).

So, I am as vulnerable as the next person. It is hard to acknowledge that and it’s hard to reach out when you need someone to just be there but I did it. I am learning more and more about myself all the time. Gee, at this rate by the time a reach enlightenment I will end up dropping dead with my 56 cats surrounding me.

Whilst the dark clouds are over me at the moment, I have some rays of sunshine on the horizon. I truly believe my life will improve at some point. I have the professional smarts to work anywhere and I am a decent person with intelligence, wit and a beautiful pair of … eyes apparently. With that in mind I face another shift knowing that I have faced so many tough times and come through, so what’s one more?

Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl
xxx

The biggest lie of them all…

The easiest lie that rolls off the tongue. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I might be able to pay my tax bill lol!

thingsmyexsaid

To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.

I'll Call you

Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.

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You have a girlfriend.

Yep…here’s another of my prince charmings lol!

thingsmyexsaid

I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.

Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.

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Things that make you go umm?

Evening readers,

Tonight’s morsel commences with last weekend as I have been exceedingly busy and tired this week.  Why?  You ask?  Well, my usual shift work can be tiring but  for the first time since 2011 I not only did a night shift but it was a double. I worked from 1300 tuesday until 0700 wednesday then went back at 1700-2130.  I shouldn’t moan as no one made me do it but as the hospital keeps cancelling my sunday penalty shifts I really needed the money and so the cycle of industrial whoredom commences lol!

So, last friday I went to Trinity to see my DJ friend in action.  He put my name on the door and I started the evening with a cosmo chatting to him.  He’s a really nice guy who I hope will be a great friend as he has a girlfriend.  I write that with a tinge of sadness as lots of great guys seem to have girlfriends or are gay but there you go.  Anyway, Quirky turned up so there was several more cosmos imbibed before he drove my car back to his as we were closer to his place than mine.

I left on Saturday and went and did the Saturday things and boring house stuff.  Who wears all this stuff?  I swear to God someone is coming in and wearing my clothes because I just don’t know when I find the time to dirty so much stuff.  Saturday night was on and I was going out to dinner with Quirky.  I got dressed and headed to his place and as usual he was nowhere near ready as he had fallen asleep on the couch.  He had already had a couple of drinks so I had one to catch up and then off we went. We wandered around drinking until we went to a Mexican restaurant in Civic.  It was really nice food but they took ages to feed us.  We talked about all sorts of things and this is what I really like about his company. I never know what we will discuss.  We ended up drinking far too much for either of us to drive so we got a cab to his.  The next morning I had to do the walk of shame in my last night clothing and birds nest hair.  Thank God for sunnies in the car.  I raced home to get ready for work only to get cancelled!  Damn!! That was a lot of money that I have missed out so now I have to cancel a date for Friday and work it back.  I got hold of Quirky and he came over for dinner.  We had dinner and watched Clerks which is an oldie but a goodie and he left as he had a course to go to in the morning.

I didn’t plan for a whole weekend in his company. Is this odd? We like each other and get along really well so I suppose we just have to hang out for a bit and see what happens. It is really difficult because I like to define my relationships and I have no definition for this.  Is it a relationship?  Is it a friendship or a friends with benefits-ship?  I just don’t know.  I do know that he was not happy when I said I couldn’t see him the following weekend as I have dates.  He hadn’t asked me so I had already booked myself out. Whilst he is being all cool with my multidating it would be nice to see that he didn’t like it or maybe he isn’t that bothered and by me dating others he doesn’t have to develop anything with me?  God! I don’t know! Life as an adult is TOO confusing!

I popped out to his after work on wednesday for a wine and some chocolate after my mega shift and an extra four hours. I was tired so it was nice to have a wine and a whine and some sympathy.  I think I slept the sleep of the dead! I was actually more tired on Thursday then on Wednesday.  Thursday was a bit of a downer for me. I received FIVE reject letters from the public service as all hiring is frozen indefinitely.  This will mean that I am now nursing indefinitely!  I now have a student loan to repay for a degree that is useless to me and I am back to square one! I have to admit I am a little heartbroken.  I have sacrificed much to obtain these qualifications.  This is a dark period in my life.  Most people have either a job, a partner or both to make their lives happy and I have neither. I do not want to remain single forever but it just seems I can’t catch an even break.

Friday, I ended up working in Emergency which was busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.  At one point I received a patient from the watch house complete with plain clothes police escort. He appeared to be fitting so I went to get some doctors.  My boss came over and asked me to take a patient to another ward and have a tea break finally!  So, off I go.  Whilst I was away all hell breaks loose! When the boss tries to remove this guy’s cardigan he tries to throw an IV pole at her and a monitor so one of the nice plain clothes police go to pepper spray him and end up getting most on my boss!  The patient next door is a respiratory patient so he needs moving and with all the spray half of the department has also got to move. We had cops all over the joint! All I can say is thank God I wasn’t there as I have been coughing all week due to a low level cold which has kicked off some residual inflammation in my airways from being exposed to mycoplasma pneumonia years ago. YAY!

After all that excitement I headed to the Kennedy Room in Kingston for a bevvie or ten with the girls from work.  We were having a going away for one of the ICU staff and there were a lot there.  I started with an espresso martini, followed by a tequila redbull and a couple of vodka, lime and sodas.  We talked and danced and got kicked out at stumps.

I had a brunch with a great girlie friend of mine and then time to get ready for my date with interstate guy.  This guy got talking to me last week and as he lives about three hours away asked if he could take me out to dinner.  I was very flattered that someone would want to drive a six hour round trip to have dinner with me.  Anyway, he turned up a little early and I wasn’t quite dressed. He was really nice and we talked quite easily.  I navigated our way to a bar on the other side of the city called the Ha Ha Bar where we sat and had a couple of drinks and talked about life, the universe and everything.  We then went on to dinner.  We had a really great dinner at Ellecure and talked about all manner of things. He has to come through Canberra on occasion for work so we could catch up in the future. He was married and has children which shows that he can sustain a relationship with a woman and was genuine and appeared interested. He also gave me some interesting career advice…so watch this space I may do something completely out of the ordinary lol!

He drove me back to the humungous house and bade me farewell at the door.  There was none of the awkward are you coming in stuff which I really appreciated.  I thought he was interesting and interested but I don’t know about tricky long distance things. I just won’t do it.  We may catch up again but not necessarily this year due to work and his kids and Xmas etc.  I came in and rang my mother straight away so she would know I hadn’t been abducted by a serial killer.

In a week that has seen me out all last weekend with Quirky, doing six shifts in five days and then going out all weekend so far I haven’t done too badly.  Admittedly I am stuffed!  I have either a low grade cold or hayfever and I am still as poor as a church mouse but at least I am getting amongst it.  Where do I get the energy?  I have no idea.  I am like a hamster on a wheel I just keep going.   This week I have had other conversations and offers to ponder.  This is good in one way as I have choices.  I do not have to settle for the company of one person or any person. Is so much choice good?  Does this aid in making a good choice or just confuse you so much that you can’t make a choice at all?  I don’t know!  I have never been the popular girl and have never really dated before much less dated in the heroic manner of recent times.

Regardless of how a date goes I appreciate it. I appreciate meeting a diverse group of men.  I hope that some will become friends even if we are not romantically attracted as one can never have too many friends. However, at the moment with time being so scarce if I am spending time with someone then they are to my mind worth currently exploring.  I am not wasting what small amount of time I have available to meet someone on guys I don’t think are in the running.  Thus, as the year draws to a close I am honing my skills and listening to my gut instinct in order to come back brighter next year.  The tide has to turn but in the meantime a girl has to have a hobby.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

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