Sweet Poisoning!

Evening groovas,

Tonight’s riveting episode chronicles a first date that to me goes down as one of the most memorable I have ever had!  I will preface this by saying that despite what occurred on this date, I happen to like this guy and hope to see more of him in the coming weeks or months.  With that in mind, I had to share this as it was too funny even by my standards which if you read this as a regular you would know are on occasions highly questionable lol!

I have had coffee with this guy a couple of times and was really looking forward to my date this weekend.  I had started my Saturday getting over the night before, what can I say?  Tequila and red bull are always a good idea at 1am! However, I was a little under the weather before lunch.  I grabbed Season 6 Weeds to lie on the couch and watch prior to the dinner date. As usual I was in a quandary as to what to wear.  Do I want to look cute, sexy or pretty?  Or the other question which is more pressing – what is clean?

I settled on a long sleeved LBD with little black strappy kitten heeled sandals which I must say showed a little leg.  I straightened my hair, applied a bit of warpaint and headed out early as punctuality is very important to me.  As I pulled into the car park he was also getting out his car.  I hoped I made a good impression.  We wandered down to a little Italian restaurant where we had some very nice Italian food and carried on the ‘new typical’ conversation.  I say there is ‘new typical’ conversation as you are in essential filling the blanks of information supplied on internet dating site charts.  So, whilst you may know  a guy has 2 kids, a dog and is divorced and loves chinese food, U2 and mountain biking, you will have no real idea of where he lives, his surname, where he works or and real relationship history.  This then starts to resemble a game.  How much information is too much?  Do you talk about the grade 4 boyfriend  who cheated on you with your best friend and how that lead to your loneliness years in high school?  Do you talk about embarrassing body issues that are long gone e.g. I just lost 30kgs and flash the large pictures at the unsuspecting date?  On our date we discussed a variety of dating related issues as well as the usual political talk that often occurs here in the capital. After dinner over coffee we talked about our various jobs overseas.  He had worked in Europe and the US and I have been to Saudi Arabia.

To continue this conversation we went up to the Hippo Bar as I had never been before.  We managed to get a nice table on the deck so we sat and had a couple of drinks.  I, of course did the Espresso Martini twice and he was on the vodka. We were having a great time and we decided to go back to his for some more wine as he was close to town.  Whilst in the process of doing this I stood and managed to get my left heel caught in a hole where the tracking for the windows closes the bar to the balcony.  I twisted my left knee and fell quite hard.  I have a bruised knee and the top of my foot is also bruised.  I was so embarrassed and it was further compounded because I wasn’t drunk.  Anyway, I managed to get back on my feet, negotiate my way downstairs and back to the car without any more significant damaged to myself or my attire.

I followed him back to his and it appears to be a townhouse.  We went up the stairs and there was like a one bedroom small self contained apartment upstairs.  I was really impressed that it was clean.  No wet laundry hanging over chairs  or anything.  I definitely awarded brownie points for that.  We sat down and continued talking about our various travels in relation to work and how the work cultures were different.  I said to him he could potentially make a mint in the  Middle East with all the stuff he does and would be treated well.

It eventually got quite late and as I had imbibed at least half a bottle of wine and the espresso martinis it was considered to be more sensible if I stayed there.  That was fine, we had a kiss and a cuddle and I slept the sleep of the dead!  I awoke about 7 and then went back to a snooze before requesting a coffee. He asked me how I like it and I said white with one.  I got it and it tasted funny but as a guest you don’t want to nitpick anything.  after finishing the coffee I then saw the nutrasweet or splendour on the table.  I asked him if he put that in my drink and he said he did as the brown sugar was in the cupboard and would have necessitated effort to obtain it.  I started to get clammy, my head was spinning, I felt like I was going to be sick and subsequentially was sick twice.  I also got jittery like someone with dts.  This is not good peeps! One’s happy, romantic date should not end in vomiting and headaches and a painful stomach that is only relieved by lying in a ball.

Typical!  I want to make an impression and oh, what an impression I have made!  My idea was that he was see me looking cute and being all intelligent ended up with me looking like I had been dragged backwards through a hedge!

He was really sweet and very concerned about me. I had to call in to work sick as I did not know how long the effects of this rat poison, evil bastard stuff would last. I had a shower there and he loaned me some boxers and a tshirt. I lay on his couch feeling really shaky for awhile. Eventually he had to go out and I left still in said clothing and feeling like a real houso I went through Kentucky cat drive through in this garb with my big, black sunglasses in the hope of being a bit more inconspicuous. I figured that the food would either absorb the poison or make me throw up.

Eventually I got home and died on my own couch after eating. He texted to see if I was ok and we have made another plan to meet again. I am going to cook him dinner at mine thereby eliminating any chance of being poisoned by unfamiliar chemicals – just bad cooking lol!

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