It was another weekend in the nation’s capital which was all abuzz with the impeding election. Those of you who are international probably don’t give a rat’s arse who our Prime Minister is and honestly most of us don’t care either but here in Canberra most people are politically aware. Anyway, on to the story…
I finished work at 930pm and thought what the hell, I might as well venture forth. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would like to know who ‘they’ are as they seem to have an answer to everything. I decided that I would like to go out and find a random, cute shag as I wanted someone who might be able to give me what I want for a change. For awhile now I have been the one giving and I really felt like taking. I guess that is not such a ladylike way to be but fuck it! There’s only so long one can put up with being frustrated! I wanted to meet a guy who for one night would rock my world as I am feeling like I have dating fatigue. I wanted to meet a guy who found me desirable and wanted to shag me. Is that too much to ask? So, I chucked on some jeans and a shirt and headed to Tongue and Groove. Talk about wall to wall chicks! There were about five blokes in the place and I reckon at least three of them were gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that per se but they won’t be interested in me!). I took out $100 and got a sav blanc before thinking I should make like a baby and head on out.
I strolled over to Academy which is a dance club in the loosest sense of the word. I paid to get in and went downstairs. There was about twenty people in the joint. I saw a bird standing near a table full of drinks on her own and got talking to her. Apparently she was there with two dudes who had just gone to the bathroom. When they came back they said they were off and would I like to partake in their drinks? I asked what they were and was told Vodka, lime and soda. My favourite! I scored 4 free drinks yay me and they weren’t even spiked. There was then an influx of people and the dancefloor magically filled up. I was doing my thing when this guy started dancing with me. He was pretty and young so hey all ok. He then asked to buy me a drink. There’s number 6 in the space of about an hour. He bought it and then disappeared. His mate talked to me and then I decided that I would head to Moose. I must have been a little drunk as I actually bought pizza off the street and it tasted good lol!
Was enjoying the tunes at Moose when the last guy from Academy turned up and tried to get familiar. I just blanked him as I was enjoying myself and didn’t want the hassle. I noticed three guys on the dance floor who seemed a bit older but I wasn’t really bothered about going up to them. I sat down for awhile when one of the three guys sat down and started talking to me. For the sake of anonymity we shall say that I met Huey, Dewey and Louey. They were on holiday from Melbourne together. Huey (from Adelaide, what is it about me meeting guys from Adelaide?) bought me a drink and I chatted to the other two. Dewey creeped me out a little. He wanted me to ‘come party back at our hotel’. Not fucking likely! I might have been drunk but I am in full control of my faculties. It was then that it got quite amusing as Huey who had spotted me first was basically telling Dewey to stop creeping me out or he would luck out too lol! Louey was a nice guy and kept out of it.
We had one more drink and at this stage I could tell that Huey was a bit under the weather. I also was in no state to drive having consumed one wine and at least 7 vodkas. I even recommended that Huey go back to his hotel with the other two as he was probably not going to be able to party into the night. However, men and their egos lol! He insisted that he had to come home with me and as it was a $40 cab fare I thought what the hell as I knew exactly what was going to happen later and no, it wasn’t a shag but him being male, drunk and optimistic had other thoughts lol!
We got a cab and had another drink at mine. We moved to my bedroom. I left the room momentarily to go to the bathroom and when I came back he had his head in a plastic bag by the side of my bed! WTF? I had my water bottle from work in it! Apparently he needed to blow his nose and decided that bag was a great place to do that and I caught him! At least he seemed slightly embarrassed. He kissed me a few times and you know what? I was not feeling it at all! He kept trying to get me to do a variety of things (obviously he hasn’t read etiquette for a one night stand!) and all I could think of was that I had to get up and have brunch with my housemate and vote in the morning! I was that BORED!
Anyway after awhile he started to snore. Thank God! I nodded off but he had set his bloody phone alarm to go off at 7am. He snored through it whilst I struggled to turn the bloody thing off! Just as I nodded off again, it started again! FFS!!! Just before 10 I woke up and told him that I had things to do so I called him a cab told him it was nice to meet him and to have a good time in Canberra. I went back to my room and found his room key to his hotel. Oh well… I also looked in my wallet and found that I had only spent about $25. So, yes the universe does occasionally provide…
Saturday night saw me at an election night party with the engineer. He is a bit of a political junkie and he actually had several drinks and loosened up a bit. However, it was all fairly tame and after dessert at Koko Black we went back to his place. As usual as soon as we get to his place he sits as far away from me as possible almost as if he is afraid I will be inappropriate with him. I really don’t get it. He appears still to appreciate my looks but is determined that he has to remain friendzoned. As I had to work today I left him in his slippers and polar fleece watching tv. My friends at the party said what a great couple we made but he is far too risk adverse to actually commit to a relationship.
As I have had it with emotionally unavailable men, I updated my online profile to state the following:
I am not looking for a fling, one night stand, a married or otherwise unavailable man. By emotionally unavailable I mean any or all of the following
1. If you have not had a significant relationship with a woman by the time you are nearly 40, sorry I am not here to be your lab rat or educate you;
2. If you are on here and undecided whether you actually want a relationship and just want to test the waters please do not contact me and do other ladies a favour and don’t contact them as you need to take a good hard look at yourself;
3. I am an intense person. I am expressive and if I like you, I like you. So, if you feel this may overwhelm you, keep walking
4. If you do not want to partake in a fully normal adult relationship then please don’t bother me. I am a 40 year old woman and I don’t do sleepovers!
5. Sorry guys, I am not in the market for anyone outside my age parameters. I am neither Mrs Robinson (and if you don’t know who that is google it) or in the market for someone I will potentially have to nurse in old age. I have done that for a living and don’t intend to do it in my private life.
Since adding these extra points, yes I have had a few creeps e.g. one called ‘Mr Grey’ who is looking for a bondage mistress and looks like a flasher wtf? but I have also had a few interesting guys contact me and have lined up some coffee and drinks towards the end of the week. I think that by being honest I will head off the time wasters. The right guy will not be intimidated by what I have said. Thus, as the eternal optimist (or certifiably insane!) I will keep pressing on.
Surely I am not the lone voice in the wilderness here. If any of you have some dating disasters, feel free to comment and share. I would like to know that it is not just me that these weird, random events happen to (or maybe it is?) If you are too shy to comment directly on the blog email me at email@example.com and I will post your comment or stories anonymously.
Until next time peeps, stay safe