Tonights tale covers the last half of the week. I missed brunch with the architect on wednesday as my shoulder and neck were giving me hell so I had a day of floating on a lovely cocktail of panadeine forte, tramadol and valium rugged up on the couch watching Weeds. I have now addicted the clockie to it as well lol! So to make up for my sins I had to work a rare Saturday. This did not preclude me popping out to my local watering hole TnG for a few drinks with another of my online dates. Brisvegas had been here for about ten years and is happily ensconced in a rather large government department.
I had a bit of a hell shift at the hospital so was out like a bat out of hell heading for home. I changed in record time thanks to my years of training in the airforce I can pretty much be showered, dressed and warpainted within 20 minutes and headed for the door. I texted to let him know I was on my way. I got passed the bouncers and went to stash my pashmina in my bag when I felt a pair of eyes on me. I thought ‘mmm cute guy checking me out’ as I went to the bar. I texted from the bar as I ordered a grey goose and lime soda. The cute guy came up behind me and introduced himself as Brisvegas.
We sat and drank and talked until about 3am. It was damn cold! I was wearing a sheer silk top and even with the poncho psychological (pashmina) I was bloody cold! We kicked on to moose and he left as he had golf in the morning. He seemed nice but…mmm I dunno. We haven’t communicated since. What does this mean? Who knows watch this space. I liked him but maybe I am not beige enough for him.
I slept in on saturday and dragged myself to work cursing that I had to make wednesday up. I was having a pleasant shift until about half way through when I had a patient come back from theatre carrying on like we were sawing her in two! The recovery staff were suspicious that she was seeking more medications. After she carried on like a two bob watch wailing and screaming I shut her up with a ketamine infusion. People pay good money for that shit apparently on the streets and even she had to ask me to shut it off after about an hour as she was well out of it. However, peace was once more restored.
After my nerves being jangled like this I decided a wine or ten was in order. So, I chucked on my jeans, tshirt and boots and headed out. Firstly to the Uni Pub which was quite good but the music was just not doing it for me so off to moose I went. Good ole moose, its vanilla dance pop and could not really be described in any way shape or form as progressive but hey, loud dance music is loud dance music. I met these two ladies in the toilets A and Z. Both were in their early 20s, one had two children and one had one. They were very attractive but OMG the behaviour! I was quite shocked that they were happy to flirt and stick their tongues down anyone’s throat for a free drink. Urgh! So, we danced for awhile and other than them being draped over anything male they were quite harmless.
I was having a ball. The music was loud and pumping and I was dancing up a storm. I really don’t care when I am on the dance floor about anyone else which is a good thing when you go out on the town on your own. After a couple of hours I was sitting down talking to A and Z and another 3 girls in a booth. All of them had children. It was funny, one of them a young woman, J actually said to me ‘no one tells you of the sacrifices you have to make to have children.’ She advised not to have any and I stated that I think my time for all of that is drawing to a close and I am pretty much allergic to pregnancy and children lol! She told me this was her first night out in two years! OMG! I did better than that when I was locked up in the Kingdom of Humanity.
I was sitting down just chilling to the music and you know what? All is good with me. Yes, I would like a partner in crime and whilst I am not where I want to be with my career I am not in a particularly bad place. I am making reasonable money and not doing crappy shift work as I only do the afternoons so things could be worse. I was thinking about my life at the moment and what I am looking to accomplish next year and I realised that maybe I am emotionally unavailable? This is not a huge revelation to me. I am quite busy and between doing permanent afternoons and my social life I am wondering if I actually have time to devote to a relationship?
I was in this happy, contented place when this guy came up to me and started flirting up a storm. He is in admin in a huge government department. He was relatively cute, 27 and with a mate. He was mesmorised by my boobs. I have to say, I don’t get it. All boobs are as far as I am concerned are fat with a nipple on it but I have seen guys transfixed by the sight of them. We got talking and it turned out he was from Queensland too. I said to him that if he wanted to talk to me he should buy me a drink and he flatly said no. I told him I pay my rounds and he had to get the first. Eventually he bought it, last of the big spenders! I then after those were sunk reciprocated. We continued talking when he introduced me to his friend, the footy player. Now, he was hot! In the course of our conversation admin guy admitted he had a girlfriend. I said to him flatly that I wasn’t going home with him and I certainly wasn’t going to have sex with a guy who had a girlfriend. He then had the audacity to say “well could you suck me then or can I touch your boobs?” WTF?! I said “you have a girlfriend go home to her” He then asked me if I thought his friend was nice. Admittedly I did. He introduced us. I then decided to be a bit cruel and said to him “you won’t get to see my boobs but your mate might lol!”
He then asked me to take them both home! I said to him I only have a double bed and I didn’t think we would all fit and I don’t think his girlfriend would approve. I then turned my smile on the footy player. He was about 5ft 10 blonde, broad muscled shoulders and in the immortal words of Salt and Pepa “if looks could kill you would be an Uzi or a shotgun BANG!’ I think admin guy was a little stunned when I pointedly ignored him and focused my attentions elsewhere and hey the footy player was not complaining. I had to laugh when we left as some other guy grabbed my arse on the way out! I mean really?! I am blatantly with someone and some random dude thinks its acceptable to go the grope.
So back to the humungous house we go. The footy player is quite an accomplished guy. He is 26 and has quite an education behind him. What I really liked was he is a bit of a world traveler and when I asked him what his favourite European city was he said Berlin, which is my current favourite. We had been to some of the same places and swapped travel stories over some absinthe. He had his first experience of it in Vienna just like me and I suspect at the same place as me. I have no idea what cologne he was wearing but it was definitely delicious to me.
The thing about the footy player is he is intelligent, educated and hot BUT too young! This is a good thing as I don’t see any guy under the age of 36 as a serious contender for a relationship so I am quite happy to have their company as I know it isn’t going anywhere. Furthermore, as I was staring at this seriously hot looking guy I was thinking to myself ‘OMG he is 27 years younger than the last man I loved!’ That blew my mind! Young guys are so funny. He said my bed was the most comfortable bed he had ever been in and proceeded to stay in it until about 3pm! Not that I complained about this let me tell you. He also didn’t know who Mrs Robinson is, so I told him to google it. I said to him that maybe he might get more of an education hanging out with me and he agreed.
What I liked about him and I have said this about Gen Y guys is they are actually quite sweet. They don’t make promises (though we did swap numbers) and are really quite respectful. They are also really cuddly. I fell asleep with my head on his muscly shoulder cuddled up and it felt fantastic. I know it is momentary but it felt so nice. It may be a possibility that we will see each other on occasions. The term for this is Friends with Benefits (FWB) For emotionally unavailable people you get the best of both worlds ie you get left to your own devices to have your life but on a regular weekly or fortnightly occasion you get to get hot and sweaty with someone who you get to know and who gets to know you but you know you are not going to progress to a fully blown relationship. This can potentially be fraught with danger as one person could fall in love and get hurt or you can end up with someone who in the future you can friendzone when either of you find the loves of your lives.
The good thing about the whole FWB arrangement is that it doesn’t cut into your serious dating time. It also takes the pressure of your more serious contenders. Thus the ole FWB doesn’t mind squeezing a visit in at a variety of mutually convenient times which don’t cut into either party’s socialising times. I have to admit, initially I was skeptical about this as I had had issues with similar arrangements in the past. However, now I am older, with less spare time to waste I feel that an FWB may be in order whilst I continue my search for a serious partner. Is this wrong? I don’t know? Morality is such a fluid thing this day and age. Is it better to have an FWB or pick a random occasionally? I have to admit, an FWB is much more convenient.
I could have continued the dating marathon and gone out tonight but I decided I needed a bit of a rest so I ordered pizza and had a Weeds marathon. I didn’t feel deprived and in fact knocked back three offers for drinks. I like having the house to myself and nesting in amongst my blankies watching dvds or reading. Maybe I am getting too independent to have a full time partner now? I am starting to wonder about this. It is funny, I am getting requests for drinks, dinner and coffee and have no time to fit them in. I am having to say to guys “Do you want to meet a week next tuesday or ten days from now or sorry my weekends are full until the end of the month” and you know what? It is not bothering me in the slightest.
All humans have a need to be accepted and a need to be a part of a group. Some people create their own little minimes for this very purpose but I am beginning to think that I am one of those people who love and need my friends but am not too lonely on my own. For a long time I worried about being lonely and I didn’t want to face life on my own. I have found though that whether I want to be on my own or not is immaterial as we all face life as an experience on our own and its the level of support we receive from others that makes the difference. So, I am single this is true but I have so many wonderful friends that I can ring or see at a moment’s notice. I may be envious occasionally of the closeness others may have by being in a relationship but I also remember the loss of identity and misery that some relationships bring. Is the grass greener on the other side? I don’t always think so.
I am facing my fears and insecurities one at a time and slowly beginning to move through them. I am mostly content within myself which I can’t say I have been in the past. I have always felt that life is an adventure and I want to have the most amazing ride and you my dear readers get to go shotgun in this period of time.
If I can inspire just one of you out there to break free and do what you want to do then my work here is done. Get out of your comfort zones, go out do something you have always wanted to do. Talk to that guy, take yourself out for a meal, do something you have always wanted to do but haven’t dared to try! You get one shot so give it all you got!
Until next time per ardua ad astra (through adversity to the stars!)