Monthly Archives: September 2013

Late night party time…

Evening funsters,

Tonights tale covers the last half of the week.  I missed brunch with the architect on wednesday as my shoulder and neck were giving me hell so I had a day of floating on a lovely cocktail of panadeine forte, tramadol and valium rugged up on the couch watching Weeds.  I have now addicted the clockie to it as well lol!  So to make up for my sins I had to work a rare Saturday.  This did not preclude me popping out to my local watering hole TnG for a few drinks with another of my online dates. Brisvegas had been here for about ten years and is happily ensconced in a rather large government department.

I had a bit of a hell shift at the hospital so was out like a bat out of hell heading for home.  I changed in record time thanks to my years of training in the airforce I can pretty much be showered, dressed and warpainted within 20 minutes and headed for the door.  I texted to let him know I was on my way.  I got passed the bouncers and went to stash my pashmina in my bag when I felt a pair of eyes on me.  I thought ‘mmm cute guy checking me out’ as I went to the bar. I texted from the bar as I ordered a grey goose and lime soda.  The cute guy came up behind me and introduced himself as Brisvegas.

We sat and drank and talked until about 3am.  It was damn cold!  I was wearing a sheer silk top and even with the poncho psychological (pashmina) I was bloody cold!  We kicked on to moose and he left as he had golf in the morning. He seemed nice but…mmm I dunno. We haven’t communicated since.  What does this mean?  Who knows watch this space.  I liked him but maybe I am not beige enough for him.

I slept in on saturday and dragged myself to work cursing that I had to make wednesday up.  I was having a pleasant shift until about half way through when I had a patient come back from theatre carrying on like we were sawing her in two!  The recovery staff were suspicious that she was seeking more medications.  After she carried on like a two bob watch wailing and screaming I shut her up with a ketamine infusion.  People pay good money for that shit apparently on the streets and even she had to ask me to shut it off after about an hour as she was well out of it.  However, peace was once more restored.

After my nerves being jangled like this I decided a wine or ten was in order.  So, I chucked on my jeans, tshirt and boots and headed out. Firstly to the Uni Pub which was quite good but the music was just not doing it for me so off to moose I went.  Good ole moose, its vanilla dance pop and could not really be described in any way shape or form as progressive but hey, loud dance music is loud dance music.  I met these two ladies in the toilets A and Z.  Both were in their early 20s, one had two children and one had one.  They were very attractive but OMG the behaviour!  I was quite shocked that they were happy to flirt and stick their tongues down anyone’s throat for a free drink.  Urgh!  So, we danced for awhile and other than them being draped over anything male they were quite harmless.

I was having a ball.  The music was loud and pumping and I was dancing up a storm.  I really don’t care when I am on the dance floor about anyone else which is a good thing when you go out on the town on your own.  After a couple of hours I was sitting down talking to A and Z and another 3 girls in a booth.  All of them had children.  It was funny, one of them a young woman, J actually said to me ‘no one tells you of the sacrifices you have to make to have children.’ She advised not to have any and I stated that I think my time for all of that is drawing to a close and I am pretty much allergic to pregnancy and children lol!  She told me this was her first night out in two years! OMG!  I did better than that when I was locked up in the Kingdom of Humanity. 

I was sitting down just chilling to the music and you know what? All is good with me.  Yes, I would like a partner in crime and whilst I am not where I want to be with my career I am not in a particularly bad place.  I am making reasonable money and not doing crappy shift work as I only do the afternoons so things could be worse.  I was thinking about my life at the moment and what I am looking to accomplish next year and I realised that maybe I am emotionally unavailable?  This is not a huge revelation to me.  I am quite busy and between doing permanent afternoons and my social life I am wondering if I actually have time to devote to a relationship? 

I was in this happy, contented place when this guy came up to me and started flirting up a storm.  He is in admin in a huge government department. He was relatively cute, 27 and with a mate.  He was mesmorised by my boobs.  I have to say, I don’t get it.  All boobs are as far as I am concerned are fat with a nipple on it but I have seen guys transfixed by the sight of them.  We got talking and it turned out he was from Queensland too.  I said to him that if he wanted to talk to me he should buy me a drink and he flatly said no.  I told him I pay my rounds and he had to get the first.  Eventually he bought it, last of the big spenders! I then after those were sunk reciprocated. We continued talking when he introduced me to his friend, the footy player.  Now, he was hot!  In the course of our conversation admin guy admitted he had a girlfriend.  I said to him flatly that I wasn’t going home with him and I certainly wasn’t going to have sex with a guy who had a girlfriend.  He then had the audacity to say “well could you suck me then or can I touch your boobs?”  WTF?!  I said “you have a girlfriend go home to her”  He then asked me if I thought his friend was nice.  Admittedly I did.  He introduced us. I then decided to be a bit cruel and said to him “you won’t get to see my boobs but your mate might lol!”

He then asked me to take them both home!  I said to him I only have a double bed and I didn’t think we would all fit and I don’t think his girlfriend would approve.  I then turned my smile on the footy player. He was about 5ft 10 blonde, broad muscled shoulders and in the immortal words of Salt and Pepa “if looks could kill you would be an Uzi or a shotgun BANG!’  I think admin guy was a little stunned when I pointedly ignored him and focused my attentions elsewhere and hey the footy player was not complaining.  I had to laugh when we left as some other guy grabbed my arse on the way out!  I mean really?!  I am blatantly with someone and some random dude thinks its acceptable to go the grope.

So back to the humungous house we go.  The footy player is quite an accomplished guy.  He is 26 and has quite an education behind him.  What I really liked was he is a bit of a world traveler and when I asked him what his favourite European city was he said Berlin, which is my current favourite.  We had been to some of the same places and swapped travel stories over some absinthe.  He had his first experience of it in Vienna just like me and I suspect at the same place as me.  I have no idea what cologne he was wearing but it was definitely delicious to me.

The thing about the footy player is he is intelligent, educated and hot BUT too young!  This is a good thing as I don’t see any guy under the age of 36 as a serious contender for a relationship so I am quite happy to have their company as I know it isn’t going anywhere.  Furthermore, as I was staring at this seriously hot looking guy I was thinking to myself ‘OMG he is 27 years younger than the last man I loved!’  That blew my mind!  Young guys are so funny.  He said my bed was the most comfortable bed he had ever been in and proceeded to stay in it until about 3pm! Not that I complained about this let me tell you. He also didn’t know who Mrs Robinson is, so I told him to google it.  I said to him that maybe he might get more of an education hanging out with me and he agreed.

What I liked about him and I have said this about Gen Y guys is they are actually quite sweet.  They don’t make promises (though we did swap numbers) and are really quite respectful.  They are also really cuddly.  I fell asleep with my head on his muscly shoulder cuddled up and it felt fantastic.  I know it is momentary but it felt so nice.  It may be a possibility that we will see each other on occasions. The term for this is Friends with Benefits (FWB)  For emotionally unavailable people you get the best of both worlds ie you get left to your own devices to have your life but on a regular weekly or fortnightly occasion you get to get hot and sweaty with someone who you get to know and who gets to know you but you know you are not going to progress to a fully blown relationship.  This can potentially be fraught with danger as one person could fall in love and get hurt or you can end up with someone who in the future you can friendzone when either of you find the loves of your lives.

The good thing about the whole FWB arrangement is that it doesn’t cut into your serious dating time.  It also takes the pressure of your more serious contenders.  Thus the ole FWB doesn’t mind squeezing a visit in at a variety of mutually convenient times which don’t cut into either party’s socialising times.  I have to admit, initially I was skeptical about this as I had had issues with similar arrangements in the past.  However, now I am older, with less spare time to waste I feel that an FWB may be in order whilst I continue my search for a serious partner.  Is this wrong?  I don’t know?  Morality is such a fluid thing this day and age.  Is it better to have an FWB or pick a random occasionally?  I have to admit, an FWB is much more convenient.

I could have continued the dating marathon and gone out tonight but I decided I needed a bit of a rest so I ordered pizza and had a Weeds marathon.  I didn’t feel deprived and in fact knocked back three offers for drinks.  I like having the house to myself and nesting in amongst my blankies watching dvds or reading.  Maybe I am getting too independent to have a full time partner now? I am starting to wonder about this.  It is funny, I am getting requests for drinks, dinner and coffee and have no time to fit them in. I am having to say to guys “Do you want to meet a week next tuesday or ten days from now or sorry my weekends are full until the end of the month” and you know what?  It is not bothering me in the slightest.

All humans have a need to be accepted and a need to be a part of a group.  Some people create their own little minimes for this very purpose but I am beginning to think that I am one of those people who love and need my friends but am not too lonely on my own.  For a long time I worried about being lonely and I didn’t want to face life on my own.  I have found though that whether I want to be on my own or not is immaterial as we all face life as an experience on our own and its the level of support we receive from others that makes the difference.  So, I am single this is true but I have so many wonderful friends that I can ring or see at a moment’s notice.  I may be envious occasionally of the closeness others may have by being in a relationship but I also remember the loss of identity and misery that some relationships bring.  Is the grass greener on the other side?  I don’t always think so.

I am facing my fears and insecurities one at a time and slowly beginning to move through them.  I am mostly content within myself which I can’t say I have been in the past.  I have always felt that life is an adventure and I want to have the most amazing ride and you my dear readers get to go shotgun in this period of time.

If I can inspire just one of you out there to break free and do what you want to do then my work here is done.  Get out of your comfort zones, go out do something you have always wanted to do.  Talk to that guy, take yourself out for a meal, do something you have always wanted to do but haven’t dared to try!  You get one shot so give it all you got!

Until next time per ardua ad astra (through adversity to the stars!)

The Jojogrrl

 

50 first dates!

Evening groovers!

I have just had a little dating marathon.  Is three dates in a 24 hour period excessive?  I think not lol!  I have stepped up the campaign a little because…well because I can!  Initially when I decided to go online I was looking for ‘the one’ and whilst that is important to me because lets face it we all want to be with the person in life that totally gets us I have now decided that dating online is like a smorgasbord in that there is the opportunity to try dishes one would normally pass up.  Who knows, I may just acquire a taste for something I never thought I would like.  So, with that in mind I not only wrote to a few guys off one site who appeared at least on paper to be compatible but I also decided to chat with a variety of others from another site and just see where it led.

Within 24 hours of being on the second site I had about half a dozen guys sending me messages.  This number increased exponentially.  It got to the point where I could flick some just on the basis of them not having a pic, having kids or being smokers and still there was more. OMG!  Be careful what you wish for eh?  No!  I got chatting to a variety of public servants, tradies, executives, whatevers.  Let’s face it they could tell me they were whatever they wanted to be and you know what?  I didn’t care. I was going to meet and greet as many as I could.  Unfortunately, work gets in the way of a good social life. Working afternoons, whilst this is great for trashy late night television and sleeping in is not so good for after work drinks.

As  a spur of the moment thing I met a guy for a drink on friday after work.  I hopped over to TnG for a drink and spent some time chatting to him,  He was ok but a bit quiet for me so he left and I stayed for awhile drinking in the tunes and then left by 0300 for home.  On Saturday I woke up feeling quite good.  I had coffee booked with friends in the afternoon and a date with some 31 year old government wunderkind who had been messaging me all week.  I texted around lunch to see if it was still on and was assured we were meeting at 1930 for cocktails.  Cool,  Anyway, as I was leaving the coffee afternoon the wunderkind sends a text saying his friend had an accident and he couldn’t make it.  Does he really think I was born yesterday?  I sympathised with him and said get back to me when you can but I am pretty busy and don’t know when I will be free again.  I think he has truly missed his time slot.  Having a Saturday night in is a rarity.  I did some cooking and snoozed on the couch watching free to air tv. I had the house to myself as FredAstaire and the clockie were out so all was good for me.  Anyway, I still had another date lined up for Sunday drinks and wanted to look nice and refreshed for that one.

The Musician was a very nice guy and not my usual type at all.  He was a little short, had a trimmed goatee and very thick dark hair.  He was also running late!  We met at Alchemy.  I started with my usual sav blanc and he had some designer label beer.  We chatted about all sorts.  He had lived here all his life except for when he went to uni and played in bands.  He was very interesting.  We had a few more drinks and talked of traveling and politics (well it is Canberra!) and we fixed the state of the world.  He was a libertarian and believes in free choice on everything.  We had some very lively conversation.  We kicked on to a very funky lounge bar – Polit  where we drank espresso martinis.  He leaned over and kissed me and his goatee tickled my lips.  Our date had spanned over nine hours and it was time for me to say goodnight as I had to be up for a brunch date in the morning.  I told the musician that I liked his company and would like to catch up again but it was time for me to go.  I liked him and do hope we may catch up again…watch this space.

This morning I woke with a head like a robber’s dog.  Damn that final sav blanc last night!  I dragged myself out of bed and went for a coffee date with the bodybuilder.  He was a brooding Eastern European and was built like a tank!  We sat and talked about how hard it was to crack a gig in this town.  He is very intelligent but is far too serious and probably wouldn’t approve of my consistent efforts to remain untouched by the colour beige.  I met with his approval and he would like to see me again.  I am unsure.  For one he doesn’t drink as he used to be a bouncer.  Whilst that is his choice I would feel his disapproval every time I had a drink and I don’t think I can be arsed with that. So…we shall see.

I spent the afternoon putting in applications for legal jobs and received a text from the traveller.  Traveller is an interesting IT guy (now that is an oxymoron).  We were supposed to have brunch tomorrow but after a series of texts and me having dinner with clockie before he took off to work, the traveller came to visit.  He lives only a suburb away. I promised I would be in my flannie jammies and slippers drinking tea when he got here and he decided that was a picture he desperately wanted to see!  When he turned up the clockie was leaving and I think FredAstaire had retired for the night to his retreat.  We had coffee and sat and talked whilst watching ABC.

The traveller and I have a lot in common.  One major thing in common is a complete aversion to having a boring life.  He had just returned from working overseas and had some interesting adventures to talk about.  We also attended the same university.  It is really funny in this town did you go to ANU or UC is something that is asked constantly (for the record we both did ANU)? He is not my usual type.  He has a wicked sense of humour which I really like.  I know he would like to see more of me (in more than one way)!  The one thing I get with this guy is the vibe that we could have a hell of a lot of fun!  He left saying that I should text him and I said that no, he should text me.

I have told all of them that whilst I am obviously looking for that one partner in crime that will rock my world and that I can be with forever, I am not going to settle.  I am also not going to put pressure on anyone for anything.  I am going to go out there and multidate.  I am going to see and sleep with whomever I like. I am a 40 year old woman who is not a nun and as long as I am not hurting anyone what the hell eh?

I have another date lined up for brunch on Wednesday, possibly drinks after work on Friday and tapas with another guy on Saturday.  Honestly, I have never been this popular!  I never believed the whole ‘Sex and the City’ phenomenon of dating numerous guys and then picking one or none.  I think I can get used to this.  It’s not about sex, it’s not about notches on the bedpost, its about exploring what I want.  For a long time I thought I knew what I wanted in a guy and now after being confronted with the smorgasbord, I am not so sure.  Yeah I want the obvious, someone who won’t cheat or lie to me, someone who loves me an intelligent, sentient being who finds me irresistible but what exactly is going to set the next guy out from the rest of the pack?  Hell I don’t know but I am going to have a ball finding out!

Until next time people, stay safe and if you can’t be good at least be careful!

The Jojogrrl

 

Jojogrrl aka The Floosinator!

Evening peeps,

Last episode saw the Jojogrrl heading out for a date this weekend.  Rekindling a connection with speed dater a meeting was set up for drinks after work on friday.  Spring had sprung (or so I thought as the weather is being very temperamental here) and so off I trotted to the beautician for a wax and buff.  As I said you never know your luck in the big city.

I dressed quite nicely not too sexy not too boring and headed to The Treehouse (bloody hell I think I should start asking for sponsorship from these joints lol!) I ordered a sav blanc and found a nice perch to await speed dater.  He turned up looking very handsome in casual attire.  We had a few wines and did the usual Canberra chat.  This consists of politics peppered with vaguely double entendered remarks and a dash of social conscience.  We had a light dinner and then over to Kingos for some more drinks.  This was when in our inebriated states we considered B52s should hit the menu!  After a couple of more drinks it was back to speed dater’s batchpad as I was in no state to drive.  Have to admit there was some premeditation here as he was cute and last weekend was a disappointment.

Can I just say, is there a formula for city batchpads?  Do all men who live alone have places full of drying clothes and sports gear littering every surface and big plasma screen tvs?  I am just wondering if this is a Canberra or Australian phenomena or whether it is the world over?  Anyway, fast forward to another blindingly disappointing fumble in the dark and morning had arrived.  We are having a little chat in the car as he had to drive me back to mine and we started talking about relationships in the general not the specific.  I said to him that he needed to actually have a look at himself and ask himself honestly if he has the time or inclination to have a relationship.  I said that relationships are optional extras in life and if you don’t really want one then don’t bother.  If your career and life is great as it is then be fine with that.  Don’t feel bad or let your family push you into something you either don’t want or are not ready for.  He seemed to agree with me that really he enjoys his life just as it is thank you very much and other than for an occasional shag or a handbag to work events he didn’t really need a woman.   That day he removed his profile from an online dating site I saw him on.

Oh my God!  I am a floosinator!  What does that mean? It means I really am systematically removing guys from the dating pool.  First the scientist, who says not only does he feel he does not need a relationship ever and is moving away but now the speed dater has removed himself from the pool too!  I feel I am now ‘taking one for the team’ or providing a community service to the sisterhood by removing these guys from the dating pool so as to not waste any of your time. No, don’t thank me, I am very community spirited lol!

So, without further ado, I hit up another website this week.  I put a quick profile up and you have no idea of the response!  I have now decided to explore the concept of multi dating in a big way.  I have had so many responses that I physically don’t have enough time in my week to fit them all in! Now that may sound a bit up myself but I have dates lined up from Saturday to Wednesday (is this Himbo Number 5 lol?)!

Multidating is a new concept to me.  I have always in the past only dated one person at a time but I am now thinking this is a big mistake.  By doing this I am not only putting all my eggs in one basket(case) but it puts pressure on from the beginning.  Plus when you meet guys from the web I think they expect the heavenly chorus to start up with ‘Halleluiah’ as the sun makes a halo around your face and they instantly fall in love.  Bullshit! There is lust at first sight but love takes time.

So, I have a cunning plan.  I am going to just go out with a bunch of guys and just hang out.  I don’t play games and when I am on a date I am myself but I have on occasion actually moderated my conversation.  Not anymore!  Any of you who know me know that I am pretty plain speaking (tactless my mother says!) and from now on I am going to say exactly what I think.   This may mean that I end up on 50 first dates or it may mean that I meet someone who appreciates this who knows?   I have also decided to take a reasonable age range here.  From about 31 – 45 not bad eh?  I have 5 chances for a second date this week coming or it may all come to the Jojogrrl’s favourite word – NEXT…

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

You win some and you lose some…

Evening peeps,

It was another weekend in the nation’s capital which was all abuzz with the impeding election.  Those of you who are international probably don’t give a rat’s arse who our Prime Minister is and honestly most of us don’t care either but here in Canberra most people are politically aware.  Anyway, on to the story…

I finished work at 930pm and thought what the hell, I might as well venture forth.  As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would like to know who ‘they’ are as they seem to have an answer to everything.  I decided that I would like to go out and find a random, cute shag as I wanted someone who might be able to give me what I want for a change.  For awhile now I have been the one giving and I really felt like taking.  I guess that is not such a ladylike way to be but fuck it!  There’s only so long one can put up with being frustrated!  I wanted to meet a guy who for one night would rock my world as I am feeling like I have dating fatigue.  I wanted to meet a guy who found me desirable and wanted to shag me.  Is that too much to ask?  So, I chucked on some jeans and a shirt and headed to Tongue and Groove.  Talk about wall to wall chicks!  There were about five blokes in the place and I reckon at least three of them were gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that per se but they won’t be interested in me!).  I took out $100 and got a sav blanc before thinking I should make like a baby and head on out.

I strolled over to Academy which is a dance club in the loosest sense of the word.  I paid to get in and went downstairs.  There was about twenty people in the joint.  I saw a bird standing near a table full of drinks on her own and got talking to her.  Apparently she was there with two dudes who had just gone to the bathroom.  When they came back they said they were off and would I like to partake in their drinks?  I asked what they were and was told Vodka, lime and soda.  My favourite!  I scored 4 free drinks yay me and they weren’t even spiked.  There was then an influx of people and the dancefloor magically filled up.  I was doing my thing when this guy started dancing with me.  He was pretty and young so hey all ok.  He then asked to buy me a drink.  There’s number 6 in the space of about an hour.  He bought it and then disappeared.  His mate talked to me and then I decided that I would head to Moose.  I must have been a little drunk as I actually bought pizza off the street and it tasted good lol!

Was enjoying the tunes at Moose when the last guy from Academy turned up and tried to get familiar. I just blanked him as I was enjoying myself and didn’t want the hassle.  I noticed three guys on the dance floor who seemed a bit older but I wasn’t really bothered about going up to them.  I sat down for awhile when one of the three guys sat down and started talking to me.  For the sake of anonymity we shall say that I met Huey, Dewey and Louey.  They were on holiday from Melbourne together.  Huey (from Adelaide, what is it about me meeting guys from Adelaide?) bought me a drink and I chatted to the other two.  Dewey creeped me out a little. He wanted me to ‘come party back at our hotel’.  Not fucking likely! I might have been drunk but I am in full control of my faculties.  It was then that it got quite amusing as Huey who had spotted me first was basically telling Dewey to stop creeping me out or he would luck out too lol!  Louey was a nice guy and kept out of it.

We had one more drink and at this stage I could tell that Huey was a bit under the weather.  I also was in no state to drive having consumed one wine and at least 7 vodkas.  I even recommended that Huey go back to his hotel with the other two as he was probably not going to be able to party into the night.  However, men and their egos lol!  He insisted that he had to come home with me and as it was a $40 cab fare I thought what the hell as I knew exactly what was going to happen later and no, it wasn’t a shag but him being male, drunk and optimistic had other thoughts lol!

We got a cab and had another drink at mine.  We moved to my bedroom. I left the room momentarily to go to the bathroom and when I came back he had his head in a plastic bag by the side of my bed!  WTF?  I had my water bottle from work in it! Apparently he needed to blow his nose and decided that bag was a great place to do that and I caught him!  At least he seemed slightly embarrassed.  He kissed me a few times and you know what?  I was not feeling it at all!  He kept trying to get me to do a variety of things (obviously he hasn’t read etiquette for a one night stand!) and all I could think of was that I had to get up and have brunch with my housemate and vote in the morning!  I was that BORED!

Anyway after awhile he started to snore.  Thank God!  I nodded off but he had set his bloody phone alarm to go off at 7am.  He snored through it whilst I struggled to turn the bloody thing off! Just as I nodded off again, it started again!  FFS!!!  Just before 10 I woke up and told him that I had things to do so I called him a cab told him it was nice to meet him and to have a good time in Canberra.  I went back to my room and found his room key to his hotel.  Oh well…  I also looked in my wallet and found that I had only spent about $25.  So, yes the universe does occasionally provide…

Saturday night saw me at an election night party with the engineer.  He is a bit of a political junkie and he actually had several drinks and loosened up a bit.  However, it was all fairly tame and after dessert at Koko Black we went back to his place.  As usual as soon as we get to his place he sits as far away from me as possible almost as if he is afraid I will be inappropriate with him.  I really don’t get it. He appears still to appreciate my looks but is determined that he has to remain friendzoned. As I had to work today I left him in his slippers and polar fleece watching tv.  My friends at the party said what a great couple we made but he is far too risk adverse to actually commit to a relationship.

As I have had it with emotionally unavailable men, I updated my online profile to state the following:

I am not looking for a fling, one night stand, a married or otherwise unavailable man. By emotionally unavailable I mean any or all of the following
1. If you have not had a significant relationship with a woman by the time you are nearly 40, sorry I am not here to be your lab rat or educate you;
2. If you are on here and undecided whether you actually want a relationship and just want to test the waters please do not contact me and do other ladies a favour and don’t contact them as you need to take a good hard look at yourself;
3. I am an intense person. I am expressive and if I like you, I like you. So, if you feel this may overwhelm you, keep walking
4. If you do not want to partake in a fully normal adult relationship then please don’t bother me. I am a 40 year old woman and I don’t do sleepovers!
5. Sorry guys, I am not in the market for anyone outside my age parameters. I am neither Mrs Robinson (and if you don’t know who that is google it) or in the market for someone I will potentially have to nurse in old age. I have done that for a living and don’t intend to do it in my private life.

Since adding these extra points, yes I have had a few creeps e.g. one called ‘Mr Grey’ who is looking for a bondage mistress and looks like a flasher wtf? but I have also had a few interesting guys contact me and have lined up some coffee and drinks towards the end of the week.  I think that by being honest I will head off the time wasters.  The right guy will not be intimidated by what I have said.  Thus, as the eternal optimist (or certifiably insane!) I will keep pressing on.

Surely I am not the lone voice in the wilderness here.  If any of you have some dating disasters, feel free to comment and share. I would like to know that it is not just me that these weird, random events happen to (or maybe it is?) If you are too shy to comment directly on the blog email me at jojogrrl73@gmail.com and I will post your comment or stories anonymously.

Until next time peeps, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

Jojogrrl – The love lab rat?

Morning groovers,

I have been pretty quiet on the dating front in the last couple of weeks due to attempting to get a fledgling romance to fly and as you can guess since I am back writing it dropped like a stone to the bottom of a millpond.

As you may realise after reading several of my discourses, I am genuinely trying to find someone crazy enough to spend time with me with a view to a relationship.  So, when I date that is in the back of my mind.  I don’t date to ‘have a good time’, or ‘hook up’ or get a free coffee, drink or dinner.  I can have a good time with my friends and I can pay my own way thank you very much.

I am feeling a little like the fish John West rejects except eventually even that stupid animal will get caught on a line somewhere.  I have had enough discussions with men which contain the words “it’s not you, it’s me” to finally accept that yes it is them.  They have a variety of conditions that preclude participation in an actual relationship. So, without too much ado….I present the Scientist.

The Scientist and I met as all (good?) potential romances meet online.  He contacted me and asked if I would be interested and then sent me a very long letter discussing of all things the infinite universe and finishing with “give me a mind to connect with”.  This, of course was highly interesting and attractive to me.  I gave him my number and after playing telephone tag actually talked to him on a Friday morning prior to an afternoon shift.  He seemed quite normal and not a serial killer so we made plans to meet for a drink and some dancing on the Saturday night.

Like I said in my previous blog, I did all my predate panicking but as I only had a day to worry about this I didn’t have time to chicken out.  I took pics of a variety of stuff and rang a trusted friend to decide what to wear.  However, on reflection I don’t think it would have really mattered.  I got a text when I got home asking if the date was tonight.  I freaked as I thought he was pulling out.  Anyway, I called and we were set to meet.

I turned up to the Kremlin Bar desperate for an espresso martini.  I had just finished a shift and after decontaminating a relaxing drink is in order.  I saw a tall guy lurking in the shadows by the door.  I came in thinking “please don’t be a nerd!”  I texted when I got to the bar and he sneaked up behind me and yes he was a nerd.  Now, my initial feeling was run for the hills but I decided that I liked talking to him on the phone so what the hell?

We had a few drinks and tried to get into a club but due to him having sneakers on (WTF?) we couldn’t so, we had a drink at Tongue and Groove and headed back to mine for more drinks and tunes.  We hung out all weekend and he even chucked a sickie on the Tuesday to go to a museum with me and thus we started to hang out in our spare time.

I liked his company.  We had some great conversations but I felt that I was trying to overcompensate due to his lack of enthusiasm.  He thought that just by being with me that should be enough.  I wanted a meeting of the minds and bodies.  He was happy to hold my hand or hug me or kiss me but unlike just about every other red blooded man I had ever been with he didn’t seem interested in anything else.  So, the more he seemed uninterested the more I tried to make him interested and I can be very persuasive (just ask the hermit who had to go to church for four hours!)

We went away two weeks ago to the Snowys and spent a lovely weekend holed up in an isolated place where we were the only guests.  Whilst there he admitted to me in case I didn’t realise that he hadn’t had a relationship for awhile.  He had initially said he broke up with his gf 18 months ago.  He eventually admitted it was SEVEN years ago! He also admitted that he found it difficult to connect with people and that after me telling him about the telephone call I had had with ‘rain man’ he was afraid I wouldn’t meet him.  So, he misrepresented himself.  Despite this I liked him and wanted to break down those barriers because I felt there was a really great guy underneath it all.  It seems though after this revelation that he went further behind his wall.

That brings me to the last weekend.  We had had a little text tiff in the week as after the weekend he had not contacted me or even bothered to reply to any text or message I had sent.  He agreed to come over for dinner.  Now let me tell you peeps, anyone who has known me for awhile realise that cooking is not something I do just for anyone.  I have had friends for years who I have yet to cook for.  As I once said to one critic “As far as I am concerned Cooking and Fucking are two Chinese cities that I won’t be visiting with you any time soon.”

We had dinner and wine and settled down (again) to watch some dvds.  It was then that he started to pick.  One thing I noted with him was that he liked to visit and would drink at least 2 bottles of wine thus making him non functional by the end of the night. The Scientist could be a hurtful drunk.  He didn’t feel he had to put any effort in to dating as in his words “Chill the fuck out! I am here aren’t I?” He also said that he wasn’t going anywhere I suppose because he hadn’t really lined up anywhere better to be.  This culminated in him sleeping on the couch.  I tried to get him to bed but he lay there for five minutes and huffed and sighed. When I asked what was wrong he got up, got dressed and went back to the couch.  In the morning he said it wasn’t working out, he didn’t feel any desire for me and after spending time with me he had come to realise that he didn’t want or need a relationship with any woman ever.  WTF??    To be rejected is bad but to actually say that being with someone has turned you off having a relationship ever again is truly awful. I definitely think he has some sort of mental problem as he didn’t consider PRIOR to joining a dating site how his experiment would impact on the person he was using as his own personal lab rat.  Whilst I am hurt and insulted by this behaviour, I know that there is nothing wrong with me because despite being a disaster at relationships I can connect with people.  I can empathise and I can love and I can feel emotions due to my and other people’s behaviour.

I asked him why did he contact me when I expressly said that I was looking for a relationship?  He said that as he hadn’t been with someone for seven years he felt he should see what was out there!  So, he didn’t really want a relationship and used me to figure out how he felt!  Nothing I could say would change his mind.  He did not put anything of himself into this as he was using me to gauge his feelings for women and obviously he would rather be doing his important science work that actually having a life with another human being.

Admittedly, I had overcompensated for his lack of connection with me and I feel that he is fooling himself with all this bollocks about wanting to get to know me.  It is a two way street buddy!  You wanted to get to know me but you kept the shields up so I couldn’t get to know you.  Furthermore, like the Hermit, his last relationship was a long distance one.  I think sometimes these guys have a fantasy idea of a relationship and when they are confronted with a real woman with real needs they freak out.

I feel now that I am dating in order to ‘take one for the team’ and weed these guys out so none of you have to deal with this emotional fuckwittery. I am now doing this as a community service to all of womankind.  Thus, I will date these guys and hopefully with my kindness, generosity and openness I will turn them off having a relationship to the extent that none of you will be bothered by them again.

In the meantime, here are some red flags for you all to consider when dating guys aged 35-45;

1. If they have not lived with a woman. being engaged, married or had a significant relationship (and I don’t mean ‘unrequited love’ as that is akin to stalking!) they are emotionally unavailable whether they know it or not

2. If their last relationship or even last two relationships were long distance relationships proceed with caution as they probably don’t want to emotionally engage on a day to day basis and potentially have a fantasy idea of what a relationship is

3. If they have not had any sexual contact with a person for over a year and still don’t seem keen for any physical contact, forget trying to date and suggest the friendzone straight up if you like their company.

4. If they say they want to have a relationship with you but do not reply to your texts or emails in the week unless it is to organise seeing you on the weekend it is not a relationship.  What you are is a time filler.  A relationship means that the other person actually wants to hear from you and it is not an inconvenience to be in contact. 

5. Which brings me to if they do not initiate any contact then see point 4.

So, I am done with ‘renovator’s delights’ i.e. the guys I start seeing and give confidence to and teach them social and sexual skills just so they can dump me in order to find what they are really looking for.  I am going to start listening to my gut much more and if I had done so, I would not have ended up as this guy’s social experiment. 

So, dear readers, we have come to the part where my favourite word has to be said in a loud and proud voice “NEXT!”

 

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