I have been working hard this week in my other profession (not the oldest profession either, you dirty creatures lol!) Anyway, after three fairly busy days I decided to text the Sparky to see where he was at and regardless of his reply go out to listen to some tunes. I finished work, threw on some jeans and a T-shirt to head off out. I have to say ladies, stuff wearing heels and troweling the make up on. I have found that the ‘natural look’ is definitely in. Sparky did text and said he would catch up later but I didn’t care either way as I go out for me to enjoy some music and dancing. For me loud, fast pumping music is like a holiday for my brain. When I am on the dancefloor I am not thinking about where my next job is or when my health will get better or even if there is a partner out there. I am living in the moment, enjoying the beat and feeding off the energy of the crowd.
I got to Moose to find a scene that could only be described as Disneyland on Crack! It was the Moose’s 23rd birthday and the theme apparently was Disney characters. All I can say is all the sex shops in Canberra must have sold out on all their stocks of Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Alice in Wonderland etc. It was like a Disneyporn party. I didn’t know where to put my eyes in some instances. Whilst there were some very attractive little things out there they are often accompanied by their larger bff who insists on wearing similar clothes. So I saw heaving bosoms and thighs that the Brumbies Rugby club would have been proud to have on a backrower there. I felt very overdressed in my jeans, t-shirt and comfy shoes but the more approachable you are the more you will be approached. I danced for about four hours and then Sparky said he was coming up. Eventually thorough several texts we found each other near the bathrooms. After taking forever to get our drinks we sat on a couch together and chatted mainly about footy and work before him landing on me the most tingling kiss (sparks flew lol!) It was getting on late and he mentioned an afterparty. so, we head off to his mate, The Secretary’s place.
We got there first and was greeted at the door by a plethora of workboots. Sparky shook each shoe to find the door keys and let us in. Ten or fifteen minutes later the rest of them returned. There were half empty beer bottles everywhere (waste!) It was like a scene from Human Traffic lol! We hung around talking shit for awhile and his buddies got all protective and asked what my intentions towards Sparky were. I told them point blank that I would take him home and bring him back unbroken when I was finished with him. They appeared more relaxed after that (Or it could have been the multiple beers and bourbons who knows lol?)
The sun started to rise so Sparky and I left to go back to mine. As much as he is cute and willing to learn (CuCucatchoo Mrs Robinson!) unfortunately I think the alcohol got the better of him. Has happen to guys a lot in the past and until they know their limits will occur into the future. So after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing and not much else happening I crashed out. After about two hours I awoke again but it was all a bit of a fruitless exercise as he was getting paranoid now about getting back to the Secretary’s house. So, I had a quick tub and drove him back there. They all went to pay him out and I just said one word – Fabulous!
I left and took myself out for brunch before meeting up with the engineer for a coffee which led to dinner. Now, as you know peeps, the engineer and I were an item for six months. He is not a bad person, in fact he is very reliable but those of you who know me think he is far too much the upstanding citizen for me. We had a pleasant afternoon and after dinner I took my leave. I must admit I was absolutely stuffed!
I came home believing I would watch a bit of Breaking Bad and ended up watching the whole first season. It was really good. In the midst of this I was talking online to a couple of men and guess what came up? I know you won’t believe it (sarcasm) – Anal Sex. There I have said it!
What is it with all these straight guys asking about it? I have a several theories regarding this matter:
1. they think that they are only gay if they take it so giving it is ok. They try smooth talking you about it saying things like ‘It won’t hurt” and ” I will be gentle” Won’t hurt? Be gentle? I cannot see how something as large as an erect penis can be placed gently in a space not made for it and it not hurt. Maybe if It was done to them with a very large, black dildo in the gentle manner they are considering it may take the enthusiasm out of them. In fact, the next guy that asks about it, I think I might do that. I think I might say “You first” and pull out a huge 13 inch black dildo after I have restrained him to the bed.
2. I also think that guys think it’s like the last bastion of risque sexual behaviour. I am not a vanilla beige boring person if I get off doing this. I am a sex God lol!
3. Some men with rather large penises admit that they get off hurting women doing this and its the only way they can get it all the way into a woman WTF?
4. Bisexual men do this with women to get their fix whilst denying their true sexuality
These four points have been verified by the weirdos and freaks I talk to whilst arming myself with all this important information for your edification. I know I don’t speak for everyone and there are plenty of people out there going hammer and tongs every weekend but I find it interesting that men are just asking for this straight off even when just attempting to establish a casual fling never mind a relationship.
Remember years ago, a guy would start by trying to steal kisses from you. It then progressed to kisses and cuddles etc and after a while they may start getting antsy about actually getting some? This would all take some time and you got to know them. Now you can be sipping a Bellini and a guy you have chatted to for approximately 20 minutes is asking about Anal, OMG! What is the world coming to?
In the 80s there was bikini line wax, then the 90s a g-string wax and then some bastard decided the Brazilian was the go. Then men started getting boyzillians! For the love of God please just DON’T it looks awful! Trimmige = yes, bald = no. Thus we have waxed, shaved and tweezered our nether regions into perfection and are now running out of things to excite us.
Here is a novel idea. Regardless of the amount of time you have know the person treat them with respect. Touch them as you would like to be touched and spend time genuinely exploring their body. Don’t you hate it girls when you get the kiss on the lips, then kiss on right neck followed by right breast then over to left neck and breast etc? It’s all been done and we are all too jaded. I think the issue now is that most people are becoming selfish. They only care about their experience. By being gentle and respectful of the other person regardless of whether you are technically perfect, you will always get laid as everyone appreciates the time and effort taken to make them feel special.
I feel sometimes that I just can’t keep up with the latest thing. If someone wrote that sucking someone’s toes (oh wait, that’s been done too lol!) would get someone off it would be in vogue. I think that you will always meet someone who is one freak level above your own and makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. Then you have a choice and you need to do what feels right for you. The choice is that small 2 letter word beginning with ‘N’ or you embrace your inner freak. Who knows, it may be you that out freaks the freak lol!?
Until next time dear readers, the choices are yours.