The Last Post

Evening peeps,
It has been four months since my last confession. I am sure the regular readers are wondering where I have been. Was I abducted by aliens or put in jail for indecent exposure of asshats!? Nope something much more wonderful has happened – the Jojogrrl has met her match! And so, without much further ado this week’s post is – THE LAST POST!

From where I left off I was multidating and meeting the usual run of the mill boychildren that populate this town as well as one or two reasonably nice guys but no one really excited or thrilled me. With that in mind I continued to contact one or two guys online but to be honest my enthusiasm and faith was beginning to fail. I was still working hard at the hospital as the downturn of the economy has sapped the jobs away and the public service is pretty much a closed shop. Anyway, I received a message from Sturm Ritter. He and I communicated back and forth online until eventually we actually spoke on the phone. We had this really long, very easy conversation and made plans to meet at Lucky’s Bar on Friday 16 May at 2130 after I had finished work. However, that day work cancelled so I asked him if we could meet earlier in case he turned out to be the typical tosser or quasimodo and therefore I wasn’t wasting a whole friday night.

Friday came and I threw half a dozen dresses on the bed before settling on my new favourite. Hair up and black high heeled boots on, I was off to meet this man. I got to Lucky’s and asked at the door if a very tall guy had turned up on his own. They pointed me in his direction. This was unusual, a guy actually waiting for me to show – I was intrigued. He stood to greet me and yes! A man I can wear sky high heels with and still actually look petite. Now this has never happened before. I sat down and we ordered a bottle of wine and began the dating patter. He seemed a little standoffish and I recall thinking if this doesn’t change I’m off. It was about half way through the first glass of wine that he seemed to visibly relax. From then on the conversation and the wine flowed. We talked and talked! It was so easy. We had some food and I introduced him to my favourite drink – the espresso martini.

He came back to mine where we continued to talk, listen to music and drink. He is very interested in all sorts of music as he is a composer and has travelled and like me lived overseas. All of this was very promising to me. He was also a complete gentleman and did not put the moves on at all (a keeper eh mum?). Eventually we crashed out and then went out for breakfast in the morning after collecting his car from town and detouring to his so he could shower and change. We spent the whole weekend hanging out. He was and is such a calming influence on me.

Monday came and as I left his house a tradie pranged my car and took out the driver’s side quarter panel and I missed a job interview! So much for starting a relationship with a bang! I was a bit sore and sorry for myself on the tuesday and he had tonsillitis so we stayed home. We had known each other four days and had not had a night apart. He had done what I have been famous for – blitzkrieged his way into my life! He even went to the dreaded facebook and changed his relationship status to ‘in a relationship’ without discussion or begging from me. He was ready to tell the whole world about us and he really didn’t care who knew! This is something I have never experienced – a really decisive man!

Within 10 minutes of changing his status he got a call from She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO). I was on the other side of the room and could hear this strident voice haranguing him. Now, this funsters is the main reason I never got involved with men with children i.e. some woman in the background of their lives making demands and thinking they have a say. Unfortunately for me I was a ‘friend’ on fb and I allowed ‘friends of friends’ to read my profile. She had already read about me and the very first thing she said was ‘Well you seem to have yourself a bit of a goer there!’ She had read my page and had read my blog and had thoughtfully passed it around a bit for sundry other people to read. Tips for young players – when you meet someone new, tighten up your social media settings and batten down the hatches. SWMBO was pissed that she had not been consulted prior to Sturm Ritter announcing us to the world.

Anyway, as you can imagine the last four months have rushed by in a blur. I met his parents who have really taken to me as I have healed the rift SWMBO caused within his family which means that after seven years they finally have their son back. I met his kids who seemed to enjoy their time with us. We met various friends. He met my ex sister in law and my nieces and nephew when they visited and we had a day out together. We also visited one of my oldest mates (my brother by another mother – 23 year still going strong!) and my brother and his new family. Also approximately two months after we met, I moved my furniture down from Far North Queensland AND we moved in together! In two weeks time his divorce goes to court and will be absolute in October.

It hasn’t all been smooth sailing. We were both ill for the whole of July and I started a new contract in town. SWMBO refused to do a joint divorce application so Sturm Ritter has had to engage a lawyer. I tried to communicate with her as the children will be in my home and I had such a tough time with my dad and stepmonster but apparently I am irrelevant and should not have any input into how the children are dealt with.

Despite how fast this has all seemed to the outside world, we don’t think so. Except for three days when I had to do a business trip last month we have spent every night together since we met. I never thought I would get involved with a father of young children as I really didn’t want the hassle an ex in that situation brings and I never thought I would meet anyone who I feel so relaxed and at home with.

The relationship I am developing with a man who is not afraid to communicate with me, who does not take me for granted and is considerate towards me in so many ways that I have never experienced before is just such a wonderful surprise to me. I hoped this would happen but didn’t really think I would get to hang up my dance shoes so soon.

And so, I am now on to another stage of my life….Stay tuned for ‘Adventures in Stepmonstering’ (Coming one day when SWMBO facilitates him seeing his children). In the meantime I am enjoying the stability and love that so many people take for granted but to me is more precious than all the money you can earn.

Until sometime soon, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

PS To all you followers and others who have regularly tuned in to read about the trials and tribulations of my quest to find someone who appreciated my slightly skewed worldview, I have to say THANK YOU! It is because of you and the ridiculousness of this blog that I persisted for so long and didn’t take up vows of poverty and become a nun. I hope I have amused you, shocked you, made you think or just made you appreciate the partner you have.

Torquemada, Houdini and boyfriends of old – How lucky can one girl get?!

Evening funsters,

Here’s another exciting chapter from the fingers of the Jojogrrl.  I will start by discussing Torquemada. I was contacted several months ago online by this guy but he took up another much more inviting offer and thus we never met. Anyway, after I reposted my profile he emailed me asking how I had been.  This was unbeknownst to me the first of many questions.  He rang me after work last tuesday.  We talked for FOUR hours!  He asked me all sort of stuff.  He then requested that I see him on wednesday which I could not as I had other plans which I could not break (shall we say one needs to scratch an itch occasionally lol?) and so we decided to meet for a drink after work on thursday.

Thursday comes and I leave work like the proverbial bat out of hell and rush home to chuck some clothes on before he came by to pick me up.  I wore my jeans and stiletto boots which made me about 2 inches taller than him but I like wearing heels when I can.  We headed into town as his workmates were all drinking in Manuka.  We got to Kremlin whereby we ordered some drinks and sat down to talk. He is instantly on at me about health policy. FFS!  I had just finished my five shifts and I just wanted to wind down and chill out.  He then asks me a raft of all sorts of questions. When I said to him I didn’t know much about him he said what would I like to know?  Well, quite frankly I don’t know what I don’t know. He even asked me if he would make it to the blog AND tells me he facebook stalked me and knows my full name etc.  Note to self, be careful dealing with IT nerds.

We ended up at Kingos for another drink and towards the end he asks me if I have made up my mind. On what?  Well, are we acquaintances, friends, friends with benefits, lovers or in a relationship?  WTF?? I have spoken to this guy about 6 hours in total and he wants to know if I am going to give up my freedom?  I explained to him that I mulitdate and until the mutually exclusive discussion takes place what I do and what he does has no bearing on anything,  He didn’t like this and says he objects to being an ‘also ran’. There is no ‘also ran’ there is just a bunch of guys I am getting to know and they are getting to know me.  Also he has kids, so when he is playing Daddy I think the partner (ie me) is supposed to stay at home watching tv awaiting to fill a slot in his life where he wants it.  Not this little black duck!  I don’t mind if someone has children and I understand that it takes time before you are integrated into that part of their life BUT I will not be treated like a time filler i.e they have a couple of hours free in their otherwise busy lives and need to fill the void until the kids or work or their mates come by.

Anyway, I said to him why don’t we start off being friends?  He didn’t like that.  When I got home and went inside, I had barely had chance to take off said stilettos when he called and asked if I had considered what he said. I said I had not and he said he had enough friends and that the ball is in my court. I have only one answer to this…NEXT!

I then had some amusing correspondence with Houdini.  He was a cute European guy who seemed to have travelled as much as I and after a few emails back and forth we seemed to have a lot in common.  He rang me on friday night just as I was on my way out to go party with my girls to arrange dinner on saturday.  He seemed rather keen.  He texted me the details on saturday and I arrived as usual about 10 mins early.  We went into the restaurant and I ordered a wine. He ordered juice (?).  We then proceeded with dinner and he talked a lot about himself.  We seemed to get along and after the main course I asked him if he wanted to get a drink after dinner. He declined as he had something to do on sunday.  In the course of our conversation I asked him if he actually had room in his life for a relationship. I don’t think he is so sure.  We finished much to my dismay quite early for a saturday night 2130.  I kissed him on the cheek goodnight and we left. He didn’t even offer to walk me to my car.  I sent him a text saying thanks for a lovely evening hope to see you again sometime. There was no reply.  I went online and he has removed his profile. I texted him the next day and said even if he didn’t want to be romantic it was nice meeting him and we could just be friends. No reply to that either. It is like he has been abducted by aliens!

I don’t mind if someone doesn’t like me. We all have our definite opinions on people. I am one of those that you either like or hate on site I suspect. However, what he did was rude and cowardly. It seems to have become the norm with guys. I was speaking to a coworker this week and she said that lots of guys do this because they think it’s kinder and less hurtful. WTF?? I think it’s cowardly and they need to grow some balls! 

So, here’s my week in extremes – either a man who is trying to dissect every thought from my brain and interpret it OR the man who is so scared of me that he runs a mile!  In the past, I would probably have been really upset but as I go in to every meeting to actually meet friends first and see where it goes I don’t mind. In fact, I am relieved as I have not wasted my time and effort on what is obviously a douchebag. They have declared themselves early and saved me a lot of hassle. In fact, this has just reinforced to me the sensibleness of multidating. By hanging out with various people and not putting any pressure on your time with them you are not putting yourself out there to get hurt or taking things further than they need to go with someone as the pressure to make a relationship from potentially nothing is not there.  If, I had been the old me and dropped everything for Torquemada I would probably have found out within a month that he is inflexible and as far as he is concerned its ‘my way or the highway’.  Houdini wants a stepford wife who will wait faithfully for him whilst he is off here, there and everywhere around the globe doing whatever it is he does.  Then when he wants someone to be there you had better be or else!

So, I haven’t lost anything by not having contact with either of these prize asshats!  This weekend I’m going to catch up with some friends and chill the hell out! Might even do some serious writing and a bit of DIY.

A final postscript. After all this excitement I get a call from a boyfriend (aquaintance? shag?) from yesteryear. He takes up most of my sunday night telling me basically that I am the one who got away and that he has thought of me often (well not necessarily me per se but definitely as he puts it so romantically ‘my rack’) What a charmer!  He says that he thinks I would produce gorgeous, intelligent children with him. Hold the bus right fucking there! One, we haven’t seen each other since the 1990s and two I am not going to be producing any children any time soon. As I have said before I have outsourced that so as not to ruin my pelvic floor.  He tells me since I last saw him he has gotten really rich. So what? I cannot be bought. It is almost as if he wants me to say, yeah sure I will come and visit and get knocked up and you can look after me. What about me?  What about my life here?  All non consequential.  Anyway, he says he wants to visit so I call his bluff and say I am free this weekend. He would have to drive a few hours. I told him we would talk later in the week.  Well, I send him a text on monday and he says he’s on call all weekend! I say to him that I have worked shift for a hell of a lot of years and you can swap shifts but that he has run true to form. Another man with no balls!  Too afraid of rejection or too afraid that it will work out to even come and see me for old time’s sake.  He was a coward in the 1990s and still remains so I think.  I live by ‘Carpe Diem’ and ‘Who Dares WIns’.  If you are not prepared to put yourself on the line you don’t deserve the prize AND you can’t bitch when your life sucks!

I want a man who isn’t afraid to put himself out there, who wants to meet someone who will be part of his life and he will be part of theirs. I want someone who has some balls and also has manners and is honest and trustworthy. So, Torquemada, you asked me what I wanted and there it is. Not too much to ask for, I don’t think?

Til next time funsters, stay safe…

The Jojogrrl

 

A feast or a famine!

Evening funstas!

What can I say?  My life is a constant soap opera with me as the leading lady and I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way! Since my last blog I have been a busy beaver.  Easter weekend began with me popping in to retrieve some belongings from the faker. We had a lovely chat and whilst we still like each other a lot we need to take a step back and get to know each other a little better.  I have always enjoyed his company and hope that if nothing else we will maintain some sort of friendship.  However, the ball is in his court there and no amount of prodding or poking from me will change the situation if ‘he’s just not into me’. 

So after having coffee with him I said goodbye and headed over to Napoleon’s for a pizza and dvd night.  For those that remember, I met Napoleon in February.  We had brunch and his gut told him we wouldn’t be good together but his dick told him he wanted to fuck me. So I basically told him to maybe get both organs to talk to his brain and then get back to me. After the previous weekend where I found that the faker had never removed his profiles from the dating sites I put mine back up and Napoleon was one of the first to contact me.  We texted back and forth and we agreed that we could maybe be friends. I only agreed to the movie night if there were only war movies. I did not want some sucky chick flick and figured an army guy would have a plethora of good warries to watch. When I got to his place I internally pissed myself laughing.  I had him pegged as Napoleon because he had cabinets of regiments of little men because he does war gaming.  Anyway, I had a few drinks as he doesn’t and we did pizza and the dvd. As we are just friends (as far as i am concerned anyway, so if he had other plans they were going nowhere!) I crashed out in my underwear and left in the morning.  We haven’t spoken since and I don’t care one way or the other.

I was pretty tired on saturday and after heading to the shops I decided a snooze in front of the tv was in order. I then received a text and a long, interesting call from Viking.  In the midst of this call I suggested that we may as well have drinks it being a saturday and all.  As he lives relatively close I gave him my address and was promptly ready for him to pick up at 8.  We went up to Polit, which is a funky little bar in Manuka.  There we imbibed espresso martinis and continued our talk. It came to light that we share the same birth date except he was born in the southern hemisphere and me in the northern. Thus he is about half a day older than me.  I have to say, I found him VERY CUTE!  We came back to mine whereby we got into a little more grey goose and he crashed here.  However, nothing too untoward happened.  You may probably be wondering if I am losing my touch.  HA not likely!  He got to see me and cuddle me and then go home and wonder about me.  On sunday he returned to repair my aged laptop and gave me some really good speakers. We watched some dvds and had pizza and drinks and he got to cuddle and kiss me and as he was working in the morning he left before bedtime.  I like him and think he must be an incredibly intelligent, fun, sexy person as he shares my birth date and must be a lot like me lol!  It would be nice to catch up again but I am not chasing anyone to spend time with me.  If he wants to see me he will ask and if not, hey I got some great speakers for my tunes.

Monday afternoon I got to do my sunday sesh at TnG with the lawyer.  He contacted me online and after a bit of chat asked to see me for drinks.  As I didn’t have any pressing plans I thought ‘what the hell?!’.  I turned up and as I was ordering a sav blanc he found me at the bar. He was quite fit looking and I thought, ‘hello!’  We sat and talked law amongst other things and then adjourned to a restaurant to continue our conversation. Things seemed to be going quite well.  After several savs we took a taxi back to his.  I have to admit my halo slipped. I was primed by my time with the Viking if truth be told.  So, I had to go through the ‘got laid parade’ when I got home in the morning as FredAstaire and his staff were already into their workday.  The lawyer and I had agreed to catch up again sometime so I was feeling quite contented.

Throughout the week the VIking and I exchanged texts but no real future plans.  The lawyer sent me a ‘War and Peace’ text explaining that he couldn’t see me because he had already had a couple of dates with someone else and whilst I was a great chick he couldn’t date more than one at a time. Totes whatevs! I asked him why he even bothered to meet me in the first place if this was the case. It was really a moot point anyway and I really didn’t care that much. He is a dick!  He hasn’t even had the ‘exclusivity’ talk with the other chick yet. All I can say is ‘good luck with that mate!’. Anyway, I got what I wanted out of him and am not particularly bothered that there will be no date 2.

With all this going on  I got some mail and texts from the shellback.  Now I use this term as a term of endearment as anyone who has been in the services knows what I am talking about here.  We met for breakfast on thursday and really got on like a house on fire He is my age and is obviously another public servant and like me has been in defence.  We exchanged numbers and I left hoping we would see each other again soon.  He texted me and invited me out for coffee on ANZAC Day.  So we spent several hours together drinking coffee (which progressed to wine) and shooting the shit about all sorts of stuff. We have a lot in common not only being in defence but working in the Middle East and our attitudes to lots of stuff are similar.  End of meeting number 2 not even a handshake or kiss between us! Definitely not the Jojogrrl’s usual behaviour! 

On saturday I was supposed to work but got cancelled so I had a day to fill.  I did some shopping and visited friends then was going home for a nap before heading out to Academy at 2330.  Anyway, he asked me over for a drink and I decided to go but I hedged my bets and dressed to go out.  When I got there we were going to watch a movie but got talking and drinking and then I was a bit too pissed to drive so I ended up crashing there in my underwear and a borrowed tshirt next to him and guess what peeps?  NOTHING HAPPENED!  Whilst I was there the Viking texted to see where I was at but I was busy and to be fair you cannot expect to ask for a date the very night you want it without putting in any ground work first.

I left there and went home feeling very rested and happy. He’s a great guy. I won’t be seeing him for a bit as he is away for a couple of weeks but he texted and said he wanted to catch up on his return.  I hope to hear about his travels over a wine in a few weeks. 

These men that I have met recently are all quite interesting to me.  I like them for a variety of reasons and I like them all for different reasons.  I am nowhere near infatuation or love but there is like.  I could see myself spending time with any of them as they are all great guys.  However, I suppose that whilst I am open to dating them they have to want me. They have to want to be with me and get to know me and to also take the good with the bad. That is a big ask. I know that.  However, actions speak louder than words. So, if I text them and get no reply or I ask them out and get knocked back repeatedly or no reply then I guess all I can take from that is that ‘he’s just not into you’ and I should just move on.

The lessons I have learned the hard way doing this now since about July last year is that –

1.You cannot seem too eager to spend time with someone.

2.You cannot call or text or email unsolicited as a woman as guys think they are being hunted (which to be fair in some cases they are).

3.You cannot go exclusive too soon in the piece. As I put it its like putting all my scrambled eggs in one basket case.

4. Men are quite hypocritical creatures.  Whilst a lot of them are trying to get into your knickers as early on as possible, if you give in they will give you the push.  Basically it comes down to what Groucho Marx said ‘I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.’  They like the idea of getting some and indeed feel quite lucky when they do but will despise you for giving it to them before they have had to embark on a quest through the Andes to pick up a small purple flower in full bloom for you.

5. You cannot care too soon as to whether you seen them or not. If you do, you will potentially try and be too accommodating or nice and then you are not being yourself and they will go off you.

See, the evolution of this worm who has turned.  I am taking in the hard lessons that are being dished out. I am still trying to be me but I think that I am now a little more guarded and a little less trusting.  Is this a bad thing?  I don’t know.  I don’t want to not be me but I don’t want to be left constantly questioning why I can’t seem to meet someone.

Us singles are all in the same boat.  I don’t doubt there are several men out there probably saying the exact same things as I am saying.  However, I am getting stronger. I am not so hurt by the criticism or the gutless way most guys cut comms with you.  I am a great chick and it is them and it’s their issues and ultimately THEY lose ME.  So, dear reader, I can honestly say I have enjoyed my downtime this month and hope to continue it next month with some or all of these guys. However, if it transpires that I don’t get to see them again then my second favourite word will just have to suffice. Altogether now, 1,2,3 NEXT!

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

 

The worm has turned…

Tonight’s blogspot is brought to you by the letters FK and U!

So, funsters I am back after my short hiatus.  Oh, dear! Obviously it has hit the skids.  So soon? I must hold some sort of record though to be honest most men get to between weeks 4 and 6 then hit the speed wobbles.  I met the faker just after my birthday and even mentioned him in my last post.  We seemed to be on the same page and seemed to have fun. However, there was one big issue that loomed above our happiness.  Is it a mad ex wife? Is he a fugitive from justice?  Was this an episode of the Crying Game and he was really a woman? None of the above. The difficulty was he had some what should be temporary health problems which meant that our friendship could not progress shall we say.  I did not mind this.  In fact it was refreshing (and occasionally frustrating) to be with a man that did not want to get into my knickers at the earliest possible opportunity and so, I let my guard down.

I started to like him. I missed his company when he wasn’t around. I enjoyed just hanging out and talking to him and doing stuff like movies and drinks and just watching dvds.  This was like being in a normal relationship.  However, as I know in my life all good things get trampled and come to an end and I end up on my own scratching my head wondering what the fuck happened?  It pretty much started after we went out last weekend. He got a text whilst we were out and then hid it from me. I saw it was someone wanting to meet.  He came back to mine but left to Skype his family which I thought was odd. He said he would come back but then didn’t which was very strange as his power had been cut off at his apartment so you would think he would rather sleep next to me and have a hot shower and coffee in the morning.

The next day I sent a couple of texts and called and he didn’t respond. I got a bit of a response on tuesday, nothing wednesday and then a call on thursday which seemed like everything was ok.  We were supposed to see each other on friday but due to the cyclone his plane was delayed and was going to be really late. He said he would let me know when he came in and then we could do breakfast on saturday as I was working.  I didn’t get a text or a call or anything and went to work on saturday afternoon.  He then posts on fb that he only woke up at 230pm and obviously his plans were cancelled for the day. I liked that on fb and did I get an apology or anything?  NO!  I tried to get hold of him – nothing he was not answering his calls.  Seemed very strange to me as he is glued to his phone normally.

On sunday I went to brunch with a friend and had my shift cancelled. I texted him and rang and got no reply.  I then did some digging and found that all along whilst with me he had been on at least two dating sites!  I even sent him a kiss on one of them so he knows I know. So, all the times I can’t get hold of him I assume he was probably with someone else!  I realise that we are not in love but I liked him and began to place trust in him. He is probably the first person I have placed trust with for a very long time.  He was not the usual type of guy that I have dated because my therapist said I should try different types as obviously the type I go for isn’t working. My deduction now is that if my usual type is crap and other types are crap then they all must be crap and I should not expend my emotions on them

I tried contacting him and eventually sent a text asking him if he wanted me to collect my stuff?  I received no reply to anything!  I went to work today and when I got home I found a text from him dumping me!  He couldn’t even do the right thing and talk to me in an honest way.  I am sick to death of cowards dumping me by text!  I have no idea what I did this time around because we have not talked. 

This is another opportunity to learn.  If you burn your hand in the fire, you don’t place your hand there again. I keep getting burned by men because I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.  I have to stop thinking this way.  I have now got to realise that no one wants to be with me and as such I will not get burned because I know from the outset that nothing is forever. Now I have managed to get my head around that I am starting to kill off all hope of ever meeting someone.  This in itself is freeing because I know that all guys want are friends with benefits. So, if I sleep with anyone its because I want sex, not love.  Love exists amongst family and true friends it does not exist in the dating world.  Coming to this conclusion will help me cut across the bullshit that gets sent my way.  The bare facts are all men are looking for an unpaid whore and housekeeper and I don’t want to be either.  As I said to one once ‘fucking and cooking are two Chinese cities I won’t necessarily visit with you!’

I think this worm has finally turned. I think I am going to start dishing out the same behaviour that I receive from men.  Maybe I will answer my messages, maybe I won’t?  Maybe I will date you but shag someone else? Maybe it’s time to not give a fuck to get a fuck? I swear that this time is the last time I will care about anyone else. I am going to be selfish now and do what I want. Whatever makes me feel great and fuck anyone else’s feelings. I am SO ANGRY at being dumped AGAIN by text! This is the last time that is ever happening because I am going to be the one to do it in future. I will cut someone off in an instant if I get one hint of fuckwittery
So, maybe this will be another turning point in the long and winding road that is my life.
Until next time dear readers, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

Cold Turkey!

Morning Groovas!

I have not written for a couple of weeks for a few reasons. I am packing up to move yet again, working far too hard and dah dah  daahhh have left the internet dating sites!  OMFG you did what?  What’s going on?  Have I finally thrown in the towel and bought my crazy cat lady starter kit?  Am I out of my mind?  None of the above.  After the enlightening week of the fwb offers I decided that I really needed to just stop.  I was, in the words of my judgmental friend ‘jaded’.  I had auditioned enough and been on enough dates that were tougher than job interviews and much less engaging then a visit to the gynaecologist to decide that I needed some peace and quiet.

I am currently pursuing employment more to my liking here in the capital and what with writing interminable ‘selection criteria’, planning the novel which could take longer than a child to gestate at this pace and just plain working I really did not want to waste my precious downtime on douchebags.  So, I deleted my profiles and left a couple of messages to some guys I was already talking to and bid farewell.  I actually feel a sense of relief and peace.

This does not mean that I have now settled in to watching SBS foreign film wearing a food stained dressing gown whilst drowning my sorrows in vodka tempting though this is.  Nope, it means I am concentrating on other areas of my life at the moment.  I really want that legal or policy job in the public service. I worked damn hard to get my legal qualifications and want to use them.  I also want to try and write an interesting novel that other people may one day recommend to their friends.  

Isn’t it strange how a change of mindset changes one’s whole perspective?  After having this epiphany I decided that whomever I meet next will just have to like it or lump it.  Admittedly over the past year I have tried to be accommodating to men and their baggage. I have been understanding and willing to make excuses for their bad manners and lack of care or attention. However, as I am much more accepting of my single status and quite frankly don’t care what they think it has given me the freedom to do and say what I like. This doesn’t mean I have completely lost what little social filter I have but it means that I am not looking for any kind of approval or validation for my existence.

It is at this conjecture that I have actually met an interesting prospect.  Now, I am not going to discuss it in any great length here for the following reasons:

1. Whenever I have written anything about anyone that I thought may become positive here, it has been like the ‘kiss of death’ and literally within minutes it has been over;

2. We have only seen each other twice. Albeit it has been fun but this does not mean I am eloping to Gretna Green or Las Vegas anytime soon;

3. Don’t want to actually analyse anything at the moment.  The trouble with me is that I think too hard and don’t always live in the moment and that is something that I am trying to rectify;

4. I know he is reading this as I speak and feel that I need to maintain some mystery (Ha! You didn’t see that coming now did you eh?)

So, I will be taking a little hiatus to sort out some practical and personal details in my life for a couple of weeks or so and then who knows what I will be up to. 

Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of my life lol!

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogrrl

 

 

More intelligent.

I have had this comment SO many times its not funny. I think because I am blonde they expect me to be stupid and then they find out the truth and get all intimidated! If any man is intimidated by my intelligence then it’s time to say – NEXT!

thingsmyexsaid

Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.

More intelligent than I thought

Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.

Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!

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You’re so selfish.

Just another vignette from my life! This interlude occurred last year and needless to say this guy has been deleted. He behaved particularly despicably and I also suspect that he was cheating on a wife or girlfriend. So, coming to a sexual health clinic near you! I hope he gets a nice, big benzylpenicillin shot in the arse for all his troubles.

thingsmyexsaid

In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…

YOU'RE SO SELFISH

Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?

Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.

…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”

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Gut feelings and offers I can refuse!

Morning groovers,

I have been inordinately busy in the last week or so. What with doing eight shifts in seven days and squeezing in the gym and dating I haven’t had time to scratch myself much less complete any writing!.  So, the ‘friendzone’.  Last installment I said I was dating Huggy Bear as he asked to see me on an exclusive basis.  Sadly, we commenced date one with a picnic and ended at the same spot at date six with a picnic.  Basically, after asking for exclusive rights, he decided when he got them he really didn’t want them after all. He said he had a ‘gut feeling’ we wouldn’t work out. However, we are now in the ‘friendzone’ ie arctic wasteland of relationships past.  I sent him an email and told him I could drop the facade of being nice now and he could meet the real me lol! Furthermore, I would periodically hit him up for his single friends and I also told him he is the only guy I have dated in a protracted manner and never slept with.  I think he was a little shocked and disappointed but c’est la vie.  As a woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

Then I decided that I would give the old speed dating a go.  As I was so popular last time I thought ‘what the hell?’  I arrived at the Unibar a little early as I was having a drink with a friend and then went up for speed dating.  There were seven of us.  I was open to meeting five of the seven again but only got the numbers of two.  I didn’t contact either.  One contacted me and because of work we were supposed to catch up today.  I left him a message to find out what was happening and then he left a message back saying that he went on a date on Thursday and was pursuing that!  WTF?!  I mean, I have never met a guy who goes on one date and then drops all others. Man, she must be a princess whose dad owns a brewery for an Aussie bloke to make up his mind so quickly lol!

Between the speed dating and Valentine’s Day, I had a breakfast date with shall we call him Napoleon? Napoleon is an army officer.  He is reasonably attractive and knows it but is a little on the short side hence the name.  We had a very nice brunch and talked non stop for about two hours.  Prior to my leaving I asked him if he was interested in catching up again to which he replied that he had a ‘gut feeling’ that we wouldn’t work out. WTF??? Two in one month?  What is it with these men and their ‘gut feelings’?  I then received a text saying that he was sure about this but he then made (and broke) a date with me for after work on Valentine’s day. 

With all this going on with Napoleon, I was surprised to find a text on my phone from Body Dismorphic Guy.  Remember, he was the one I met when out with Matilda a few months ago?  Anyway, the first and last time I met him, I said if he wanted to see me he had to ask me out properly which he never did.  HE then proceeded to ask by text if I wanted to be fwb? WTF???!!!  He even asked in an apologetic manner.  I mean REALLY?  He sends me a couple of texts and thinks I would be ok with this?  He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship as he had personal issues to deal with.  So, in other words he is looking for an unpaid whore?  I told him I would pass on the opportunity thank you very much as this is just a big time waster for me and all that would happen is that I would get used until he found something more to his liking.  I was really pissed about this.  I mean FFS!  BY TEXT?!

After these two I was feeling marginally pissed off when I got home.  I had had a cute 33 year old chippy contact me on pof for virtually the same thing prior to me getting off the site in recent times due to Huggy Bear.  ‘Right’, I thought.  ‘If this is what I am getting I might as well order something much more to my liking!’  I left work to dash home and have a quick tidy up and shower.  In the middle of this activity Napoleon texts.  Apparently he had finished his plans for V Day and was home early. I texted back that I had a cute 33 year old tradie coming over to sweep the cobwebs.  He said he could have done that  and I replied that he was not interested so I found someone who was.  He commenced a texting marathon.  I hit pause when said chippy turned up.  He was cute and just like his pic.  After he left, I replied to Napoleon and then we continued this marathon.  He doesn’t want a relationship with me due to his gut but his dick is quite happy with fwb!  ‘Not happening,’ I said.  ‘Why, when you just did that?’ he replied.  This is my answer.  I don’t seriously date guys under 35 so as far as  I am concerned there is no chance ever of a relationship so I won’t get hurt.  Also, as one nighters or fwb is only short term I would much rather get something younger and hotter.  Truth is, guys do it all the time.  I want to date someone in my age group properly but if its only a fleeting thing then uber hot wins every time. Having a fling with a hot young thing is like taking a Ferrari for a test drive.  Lots of fun but you know you can’t keep it. 

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling pretty good.  Matilda was arriving.  I was going out with her and a bunch of friends to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my 21st.  We were hitting the Hyatt for a Madhatter’s afternoon tea.  I was the Queen of Tarts.  We sipped champers and grazed and thoroughly had a great time.  Prior to leaving we went for cocktails and I, of course got my first of many espresso martinis.  We then went to town to the Treehouse for more drinkies before heading to the local meat market Mooseheads.  We stayed for an hour or so before heading to the local gay club Cube.

Cube is fantastic! The music is great and there are sights to behold.  I was surrounded by gorgeous, young men dancing up a storm! It was just like being in a Kylie Minogue film clip. The friends thinned out until it was just Matilda and I.  I remember sitting at one stage and a strange man in a Hello Kitty pink shirt and tutu came to sit and talk to us.  We danced some more and then I went to the ladies and saw a huge very underdressed trannie wearing the shortest daisy dukes (they were almost a belt) as well as a dwarf (not that there’s anything wrong with short people but it was a very surreal experience).  I walked into my toilet cubicle and just had to have a moment to absorb what I was seeing.  The poster on the back of the door was moving. How much had I imbibed?  Did I really see a dwarf?  She had amazing shoes lol!

Matilda found $50.  Bargain!  More drinks!  We danced some more until our feet hurt and then we found a lovely bed to lie on, on the outskirts of the dancefloor.  The whole room is surrounded by these double beds.  We were both bemoaning our sore feet when this foot fetishist came by and started massaging them for us. It was almost like we asked and the universe provided.  Matilda was quite amused at me writhing around in pain on the bed whilst the fetishist did his work.

After about half and hour of this we decided that we had imbibed enough and we should escape bat country for home before sunrise.  We hopped a cab and I managed to direct us home.  We sat up and talked as the moon moved in and out of focus.  I had a really amazing birthday surrounded by my friends and honestly did not want to go home.  I had taken several layers of skin off my feet wearing a fabulous pair of wedgewood blue heels but hell it was worth it.

This is the last day of my 40th year. I have had some experiences, good, bad and just plain weird. I wonder what this year will bring? Whatever it is, I know I can handle it. I am a fabulous, intelligent, funny and sexy woman. Bring it on I say!
Until next time, stay safe
The Jojogrrl

10 years of purgatory – you get less for murder these days!

Evening peeps, long time no hear eh?  Well the last several weeks have been interesting to say the least.  I had a little sojourn to Malaysia for a break and came back to celebrate new year with friends before commencing on the hamster wheel of work.  That’s all well and good you say but what else?

On New Years Day I had a very interesting realisation.  If I had stayed married to my first husband that would have been our 20th wedding anniversary!  Far out!!  This lead me to actually thinking about my life since leaving him.  The one thing that stuck out to me was that for a decade I have put up with cheating, lying bastards!  From the chef to the psychotic Canadian (PC) it seems that I attracted this scum.  Why?  I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my past and so I really took a long, hard look at myself.  Throughout my whole life I have been very impulsive when it comes to men. I have fallen fast and hard and given so much often to be disappointed in the end.  Could one say I have had a disappointment of men up to now lol?  PC accused me of ‘blitzkrieging’ into his life as I am very full on.  Maybe this is the issue?  Maybe I am too enthusiastic from the beginning?  This lead me to the idea of multidating that way I can hedge my bets and not put any one guy under pressure. That was my thoughts last year and I thought it would solve my problem.  See, I am always trying to find solutions to the hard questions. This seemed like the best logical approach until I met one Huggy Bear.

I met him a few months ago and we had seen each other a few times.  We get along really well and I was determined to start with a new game plan.  The definition of insanity is expecting a different outcome from doing the exact same things.  So, we met, we had a couple of dates and then the holiday season wiped out any spare time for either of us. I had started dating him and even told him about this blog which appeared not to phase him.  We went out in public in the day so there was absolutely no chance of any behaviour that may frighten the horses lol!  We went about our business and sent each other texts and that was that.  Then we arranged date number three – after work drinks.

As it was after work for him and I had been off all day I had plenty of time to decide what the hell to wear.  Always a problem.  Am I having a fat day?  What is clean?  Where am I going?  What if there’s a chance of him being dressed up?  So, after conferring with Matilda and trying on several outfits I decided a dress would do with a nice pair of patent slingbacks.  I drove to Manuka a little early and then found to my horror that I had forgotten my phone!  That feeling of utter annoyance when you reach into your bag and find it’s not there! Oh well too late now.  I tottered over to Alchemy and proceeded to obtain a sav blanc whilst chatting to the barman.  HB turned up only a couple of minutes late. Unfortunately, due to my time in the military I am a stickler for being punctual.  I always attempt to be at least 5-10 minutes early or I start worrying about being late and I hate being late.

We sat on a comfy couch and we had a great time chatting. We were even mirroring each others body language which I have been assured is a good thing. Now this was where it got interesting as it appears HB was put off by my multidating even when I explained the rationale.  The whole idea of multidating I suppose if I was honest was to hedge my bets against putting in a lot of time with one guy and then it going pearshaped and me having to start from square one as I had with the Hermit and the Scientist.  This was where I then had to take a deep breath and think what I wanted to do next.  So, I said to him that if I was asked to be exclusive with one person I would give it a go.  He asked me if I would and then says that he feels a bit bad as he is looking after his kids for three weeks and can’t really see me.  Of course I was disappointed. I really would like to get to know him better but there is no point in getting upset about the situation. It is what it is.  I then set a 10 date moratorium on anything sexual.  WTF you all say!  This is not the Jojogirl we know and love.  In fact I surprised myself as I have never done anything like this in my life.  The 10th date doesn’t guarantee it either. I liken it to powering up to the next level on an Xbox game.  The potential becomes available but not necessarily straight away.  I am sure my friends are taking bets as to how long this will last lol!

I went home and actually deleted, not hid my profile on pof.  Pof charge people to hide but of course it’s free to delete and I figure that I should do the right thing. No point being there if I am not going to fully participate.  With a bit of juggling, I managed to get a quick drink after work with HB the following Tuesday.   On Monday this week he snuck out for brunch with me.  I must say I give him big brownie points for that.  Whilst we ate we discussed the merits of the Tuesday meeting and whether or not it constitutes a ‘date’.  I had to concede that as it had the elements of a date i.e. a meeting between two romantically interested people where we interacted on a social level whilst imbibing our choice of alcoholic drink. He just thinks I potentially want to get laid on my birthday which is mid February lol!  There could be a grain of truth to this assertion, however, I said to him at Alchemy that how long it takes to get to ten is up to him.  It could be by or before February or it could take several more months. Touche! Though I should be up for date six next week.

So, does this mean I have an official ‘boyfriend’?  I don’t know. We don’t communicate every day.  We never speak on the phone.  We have only just become facebook friends.  I have sent one email and not received a reply as yet.  Bloody instant communication!  In the past you had an excuse as to why someone may not get back to you but now if you text or email it’s almost expected that you get something almost straight away and if you don’t what does that mean?  However, I am not playing these games with myself or anyone else this decade.  I am sure he knows that I like him and it’s up to him how he feels about me.  Nagging or railroading or guilting him into spending time with me will not make this work.

I am very mindful that he does have children.  I was a child of a bitter divorce and once my sperm donor got hitched to the stepmonster I never had time with him again.  To be fair I do not blame her entirely as if he had wanted to play a part in my life he would have.  So, I would not wish that on any child.  I really like the fact that he does put his children first.  That shows great character in my mind and he has also shown by sneaking time with me that he would like to get to know me. 

I just know that I don’t want to feel the deep sadness of the last decade.  Of being betrayed by bastards that were not worth my time in the first place.  I want a healthy relationship with someone who loves me as much as I love them and I cannot get that the way I have previously approached things.  Will HB and I work? I don’t know.  Hell, I don’t know when I will hear from him most of the time.  Does that worry me?  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my old insecurities occasionally rear their ugly heads.  All I know is that for once, I don’t want to ruin it.  This doesn’t mean that I will be a pushover or sell out my own beliefs just to have someone. It does mean that I would like to start a relationship with great foundations. I would like to get to know this guy and for him to get to know me with all my imperfections.

Just because I am attempting to date a very interesting, funny, sexy guy who, other than a few kisses I have not done anything with or seen in any state of undress does not mean the end of the blog.  As I said in the beginning, I want to explore the issues all of us face when attempting to date or be in a relationship.  Whether you are gay, straight or a bit bent I hope that there will be something here that you can relate to and maybe have a laugh to.

The other big news funsters is that I have joined a creative writing group.  I am going to attempt to write a novel. There, I have put it out there into the ethernet so I cannot back down from it now.  I was hoping this blog would help me find my creative voice and it has lead me to a couple of groups of likeminded people.  Just think, maybe in the future you may be able to say “I knew her before she became mainstream”.

Until next time, stay safe

The Jojogirl

ROAR!!

I commenced my quest to find someone to be with in July with a list of attributes I was looking for and the hope that out there in the worldwide web there was someone who was also looking to create a home. Through the months of actively looking I have come across a wide variety of men, some of whom have been interesting most of whom have been not so. I have had to soul search and dig around inside at what has been some very painful times in order to attempt to learn from my past mistakes and grow from experience. This is not easy and I am certainly nowhere near nirvana yet. I also have had to be brutally honest with myself regarding how my life has transpired. For many years I could not set boundaries and craved the acceptance of others. This has lead to a lot of poor choices in life. I mean, what was I thinking getting married at 20? When I escaped that one what was I thinking getting involved straight away with someone else? Then when that went SO pearshaped it wasn’t funny I get involved again with another person who has more issues than I have BUT I allow them to control me? WTF?

I then end all of that and commence this entertaining odyssey. Now, don’t get me wrong it has been an eye opener, funny in parts and may one day put Canberra up there with New York for dating (yeah right!) but look at some of these men. Ooh let’s see. We have the cyber creeps who only want to see you naked if you are on the web, the guys who have anger management issues, the guys who have no idea what they want, the ones who are testing the waters to see if they actually need a woman in their life or are we an optional extra they can just visit and pay for? Whom else? Mmm, the ones you have to drive to Cougartown to catch and release, the undecided ones who like you but are not sure they cannot get a better deal elsewhere and ones that I like and have spent time with and didn’t want to scare away with any overt displays of emotion. Whew! I think that just about covers the last six months.

I have felt every word of this song. I have had to go from zero to my own hero. This year I have had major health scares starting with potential brain and kidney tumours and then skin cancer which I have to get checked. I have worked hard to try and start a career which blazed and failed spectacularly six months ago. I have had to swallow my pride and go back nursing when I swore after I landed my first legal job I would never do. All of this I have faced alone. I live away from my brother and mother and do not have many people I would actually call friends here. So, who was there to wipe my tears when plans fell through and times were hard and cash was so low that some days I had nothing to eat? No one but myself. I got me through this. I did it. Who is there for me to go out with at night when I need a few wines and to blow off some steam? Me, I walk into clubs and pubs on my own and sit on my own surveying the scene with my heart pounding because it is so obvious I am there on my own and quite often not one person would have spoken directly to me other than a barman all night BUT I do it. Why? Because I like music and I have optimism that I can meet people (guys and girls) who I can have as friends in my life. I have had some people comment that it is brave of me to do this and they would never do it. I have to do it or I would never go out simple as that.

“I stood for nothing and fell for everything” This is a pretty good summation of my life. I have no reason to lie about who I am and I find because of that I assume everyone is like me. This lead me to fall for every lie a man ever told me. I say I stood for nothing because I felt worthless. This deep seated feeling stems from all the abuse I suffered over six years in the military. It has taken until now for me to change. It has not been easy. I have been in counselling for a year now. However, the tide has turned.

I feel that I have been held down and I am now getting up and brushing off the dust. I see it all and I see it now, all the lies and deception that has been aimed at me by men for years. Basically, I am that typical blonde that men like the idea of having a piece of but they could not possibly have as a partner. They like the idea of sleeping with me so they can hurry away to brag to their friends, Or with one person they liked having me because I made them look good. I am intelligent, I have had a varied working life so I can find middle ground to talk to most people, I am qualified in two professions where most people are lucky to have one. I am amusing (or so I have been told) and am not a bad raconteur. In short, I can intimidate men who have their own self esteem issues.

I now have that spark of anger. I am posting this because this is how I feel. I have had to become my own hero and I realise no one will save me or slay my demons for me. I am not going to put up with anymore time wasting, bullshit and lies. I have reached my limit. I cannot save anyone only myself. I am going to do what is best for me whether that is physically, emotionally or spiritually. I will not be held to ransom by anyone ever again. At the moment because my work situation is in a state of flux and I could potentially be moving to Brisbane (fingers crossed!) it’s like I have become more protective of myself. I will not allow anyone to hurt me. It’s almost like being in a bubble. For example, I saw Quirky at the beginning of the week and normally when I see him I ask him how the week is traveling and we make plans to catch up. This week, I didn’t ask and he didn’t bring it up. He also hasn’t contacted me at all. Do I feel hurt or angry like I would have in the past? No I don’t because I have been busy working and I feel that if I haven’t crossed his mind at least once in the last six days to the point that he could have at least texted then ok I know where I stand. He obviously likes me but I am not really a priority in his life.

I have had to work quite hard this week and coming off the bat of a long weekend in Orange I have not had much spare time. I mean hell, I had not only last weeks but this weeks washing to do and a room that looks like a bombs hit it. I know when my living space gets cluttered that my mind is cluttered.

I had lunch with Huggy Bear on Saturday and he is a really busy man but he does send me regular texts. We had a great time chatting and I helped him pick up a birthday present for some dinner he had to go to. He is a really great guy and we like hanging out together but there is no reason to push things to any place any time soon.

I went out for cocktails at Kremlin and then danced the night away at Cube, the local gay nightclub last night which was really fun. They were celebrating the first gay marriages in Australia, which could be made void ab initio by the High Court of Australia in a week but if they don’t it may be worth becoming a divorce attorney. At least the transcripts of their divorces will make interesting reading lol!

Finally, there is another penpal from overseas purporting to be interested in meeting me. He asked me for my number two weeks ago and has called me three times from Europe. I had a flurry of communication and now…nothing. Well, I have been through these overseas thing before ( see the Canadian psychopath / IMOM and The German). Whilst I like what he is telling me when we communicate and he has explained he is really busy with his job at the moment I think it is rude not to reply to your emails. I have quit corresponding and will see what happens. Either he is on the line and honest or like the last two he is not. I suppose only time will tell.

On that note, I will end tonight’s very long chapter. I am looking forward to a new slate and new challenges in the new year. I am hoping that my life will change for the better as to be honest, I don’t know anyone who has tried as hard as I have to get the opportunity to have the job and home life they crave. However, in the words of the lovely Ms Perry –

“I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR!’

The Jojogrrl

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